Comments on son’s height

[teethsparkle]

DS 11 is very tall for his age at 5”5. He is also very conscious of it. Am sick of the constant comments by other parents, children and even every medical appointment he goes to, from health professionals. One actually commented on his ‘gangly legs’. I’m at the point of lashing out and saying ‘stop commenting on his height’ but really worried that doing it in front of him is embarrassing or I look like an idiot saying it and making it a bigger issue. I don’t think anyone should comment on a child’s body but people seem to think it’s ok. WWYD?

I have tall DC - DS1 is now 19yo and 6'4". Yes, people comment, but they don't mean it in a nasty way. Just smile and nod.

I’m not sure I’d be too fussed about people commenting on my kids heights. I have two 4 year olds, DS is 107cm, DD is 101cm, people often say how he looks older than her, or wow look at his long legs, but it doesn’t bother any of us. If it was weight focussed then I’d have an issue, but everyone is different I guess

It’s more the fact I know he is very conscious of it. He doesn’t like the comments and people should be mindful of commenting on children’s bodies as they don’t know how they feel about it. I’m always positive about it to him but it might take a while for him to feel confident. I just don’t think constantly comments are necessary.

I think people just don’t think and they don’t realise that if they’re commenting on it, then others will be and when the child hears it so often, it becomes something that they’re self conscious of.I also think that because being tall for males is seen as a positive, they probably don’t see it as harmful, but it really can be. The gangly legs comment was awful, especially from a health professional.

Picking them up on it may cause your son more embarrassment as you mentioned and it won’t stop another individual saying it so I understand your reluctance to say anything.

If it’s coming from friends and family as well, then I’d have a word because that should be easier to put a stop to than from people you don’t see regularly like the same health professionals.

Just do what you can to keep his confidence high, encourage things he’s good at, praise what he is good at and kindness etc. Lots of boys his age will be hitting puberty soon and will have growth spurts so that should help.

My DD is 10 and about my height - 5’4”! She has size 6.5 feet.
I have been so conscious of never saying anything to make her self conscious, she’s never been picked on about it at school but it’s surprising the ridiculous things some adults say!
I just keep saying positive things about being tall.
Friends with short children assure me they get comments too. People always comment about something- for me it was my red hair 🙄

Try having a very short son.

This will pass, it really will. My son was tall, at 12 he was about 6'. He didn't grow much more, other children who were little in his year at school grew taller :-). That is how it goes. I am 75, I was 5'5" at 12 and everyone thought I was going to grow like a beanpole, I didn't, others overtook me. People shouldn't keep on about height but they'll soon stop. It's nice to be tall anyway, tell him that and 5'5" isn't excessive for an eleven year old. He's not abnormal!

I hate comments like this. People commenting on any ‘differences’ can be just as unpleasant. OP and her child shouldn’t have to be in some way grateful because you seem to be saying it’s better to get comments on being tall than being short. These comments can all be hurtful and damaging to children.

My 12 year old DA is 5 foot 8. He quite likes it though and isn’t bothered when people comment on his height. Why doesn’t your DS like being tall? I think as a pp has said, others will soon catch up and overtake. People probably mean well and think they’re complimenting when they comment on his height. I’d encourage him to just nod and say yes I am tall. My DH is 6 foot 5 and spends his life being told he is tall (like he is unaware) and asked how tall he is. He takes it all in his stride though and isn’t too bothered

I get what @InWalksBarberallameans though.
To be tall is admirable, and respectable; people envy it.
People say: wow, you’re tall!

But, being small, people have soooo many ‘hilarious’ comments to make.
I’m 4’11, and I do get sick of hearing all the comments.

Thanks for all the positive comments, much appreciated. I realise that some have the opposite issue but even if people think it is a positive comment, sometimes it’s the lack of awareness that it’s just a child. It’s the constant highlighting of it that makes him feel like he’s not normal because kids don’t want to stick out for whatever reason that is. That’s what people don’t seem to understand.

He might not grow much more. How tall are the parents?

In fairness (and I say this as someone with a very tall son), I think it’s harder for boys to be short than tall, particularly high school age. My friends son is the same age as mine and is about 4 foot 6. Mine is 5 foot 8. Friends son hates it and hates people commenting on it. Being thought of as really young, cute and little isn’t what teenage boys want to hear. Most would prefer to be tall than short.

My DS is 6’4” and my DD is 5’10” I’ve always pointed out the advantages of being tall and they’ve both embraced their height. When anyone says anything I would say I know, aren’t they lucky. Have you worked out from his red book how tall he is going to be?

Are you and his father tall? Has he met other growth milestones/predictions?

Can you get him to think of it as a positive thing? DS1 is 6ft 6 and he’s always loved people telling him how tall he is. He was about 6ft age 12 and would like going new places to collect comments about his height.

My nephew was much taller than average from age 8-13. Peoples comments were very damaging. At one point he said he wanted to die. These things shouldn’t be minimised. He’s a fairly tall man now, at over 6 foot and yes, it’s seen as a good thing, but not always when you’re a child just wanting to fit in.

I am tall at 5”10, always get compliments from it and DH 5”11 so both tall but we aren’t over 6”. I’m guessing he might end up 6”3-6”5.

Gosh that’s awful and sorry to hear. Reason I get anxious about it is because a few times DS has said ‘I hate my life’. Never in reference specifically to height comments but other things as he is really sensitive to a lot. That’s why I guess I’m over protective in a way as he hates attention of most kinds.

@teethsparkle 5ft 11 isn’t tall for a man.

That’s what I try and tell him! He has tried to convince me though.

You could ask the person why they made the comment, and in what way they thought it was worth saying.

DS2 was probably that height at 11 and at 18 is now 6’8. He honestly has never had a problem with it, he loves it and was also pretty skinny when he was younger. He did get comments but I don’t think it was ever in a mean way, it was just stating he was really tall. He was always erm yes I am and shrugged it off. A non conversation. Some people were a bit over the top but not so many and it was usually if their kids were really short, which obviously I was too polite to point out. He’s really proud of it as he’s grown up, he gets a lot of positive attention and is very confident. Also helps with sport and he’s found out girls.

I wouldn’t like it if people had called his legs gangly, that’s just rude and I’d like to think I’d of called it out. I’m sure you do the same but I always spoke of his height in such a positive way to him and other people. It could be your son hits puberty early and stops growing around 6 foot or he grows massive like my DS.

My nephew was also very sensitive and hated attention from anyone so your son sounds very similar.

He’s a lovely young man now, very popular, very confident and happy with himself. We all just worked on praising all the positives about him and encouraging things he’s was good at to build his confidence and to make him feel happier. Once he found a good set of friends and activities he was good at, that really helped.

I haven’t minimised anything. I’ve said that most (not all) teenage boys would prefer to be tall over short in response to other comments further up the thread

as I said, I have a tall son who gets lots of comments. I’m sorry your nephew was so affected by the comments he had, that’s awful for him. My DH also felt self conscious when he was 6 foot 5 as a teen.