Comments on son’s height

[teethsparkle]

DS 11 is very tall for his age at 5”5. He is also very conscious of it. Am sick of the constant comments by other parents, children and even every medical appointment he goes to, from health professionals. One actually commented on his ‘gangly legs’. I’m at the point of lashing out and saying ‘stop commenting on his height’ but really worried that doing it in front of him is embarrassing or I look like an idiot saying it and making it a bigger issue. I don’t think anyone should comment on a child’s body but people seem to think it’s ok. WWYD?

The pp did though and it was a conversation about that.

Tall children are often penalised. There may be benefits when they are adults but there is a lot of damage that can be inflicted before then.

The worst offenders when my children were younger were small people or parents of smaller than average children. They just loved to make their pity party the problem of others. You don't seem Simone Biles or Pink wailing about being smaller than average.

So sorry the constant comments have grated, hun. I know how you feel - my daughter is 5 8” and in year six, we get constant comments too. Whenever people say something I just say, “Yes we know and she’s the perfect height, just as she’s meant to be.” She’s always been the tallest child in her class, from nursery onwards. Have always let her know her height is a blessing and that she should hold her head up. She loves the fact that she’s taller than her 5 7” mama 😄 When people comment it’s not coming from a bad place, more a lack of self awareness and speaking without thinking. If family/friends make comments I’d definitely bring it up and tell them politely to stop.

Try being on the other side of this. 4ft 8 here. The comments have been shocking. The only positive comment I get is ‘thankfully our not a boy ‘

As a small person myself with one smaller than average child , you just need to teach him how to deal with it. People will always comment on differences. I’m full of your small and that’s what makes you so fast and wily. You small like a diamond, you sparkle and your tough as nails.

Just point out all the benefits of being tall. Make him feel good about it.

Its not going to be like this for long. Is he at secondary, as at secondary the taller the better for the boys. My son is always always moaning he is not tall enough, everyone else is taller (he is bang on average height)
My nephew was also the smallest in his year until year 8, then in 4 years he has grown to 6 foot 4. The tallest person in our entire family and hes 17.

I was 5’ 8” at that age. It wasn’t so much people commenting but everyone assumed I was much older than I was.
My son was always the tallest, and also one of the youngest, in his year. But he stopped growing at 16 at 5’11”, much to his annoyance!
You can’t stop people commenting so perfect a vague smile and ‘yes he is tall’ then change the subject.

@teethsparkle my ds was always a tall child, as an adult he’s 6’5” and yes people still comment on his height and I know it pisses him off, as it does me. I think it’s incredibly rude, they say it as if he doesn’t realise “Oh aren’t you tall!” 🤷🏻‍♀️ It would be considered rude if you went up to someone and said Oh aren’t you fat/thin/short. With his close friends they take the mickey out of each other, but this is strangers saying it and there’s just no need.

Agree. And it’s not always a complimentary tone as people would think, more often than not it’s a tone of surprise or a way of pointing out you’re not normal or average.

Ds is almost that height (also 11) and to be honest he just loves it when he's told he's talk.

Being tall can only be a good thing

My DD is 5’10” which is taller than the average man.

Unfortunately they comment on anything. Height, hair, eyes etc

It is rude to make comments about people this way. I think the only thing you an do it say "yes, he's faaabulous" and move along as quickly as possible.

My son is 18 and is about 5'6. He was also about 5'5 aged 11 so there's no guarantees.

It's tough for tall kids if they're frequently being taken for 3-4 years older than they are - some adults assume they are dumb and immature and treat them harshly for exhibiting entirely age-appropriate behaviour.

Is your son well-coordinated? My tall kids have done lots of sports to help them develop strength and coordination. They understand where having long limbs helps and where it hinders, and they understand that every body type has things it's more and less suited to. I think it helps them appreciate the bodies they have.

@coxesorangepippin Being tall can make it extremely hard to find clothes that fit well, or expensive, when they have to be made to measure. Being tall can be very inconvenient when trying to find a car that comfortably accommodates four pairs of very long legs. Standard beds aren't long enough for tall people stretch out. Doorways can be too low for tall people. Ceilings can be too low for tall people. Chairs and seats can be far too short or too shallow in depth for tall people. Standard height kitchen counters and sinks can leave tall people with back problems. Many men react negatively to women who are taller than them. Sitting in standard class trains / planes becomes a painful feat of endurance.

It's not always a positive.

Yes not too badly coordinated. He’s very sporty and competes quite regularly though still at times has moments of awkwardness.

I think you may be overthinking this. My dd is 12 and 5’3 (just measured her yesterday for a wetsuit). She is definitely not ‘tall’ compared to her peers. I’d say she’s very middle of the bunch in terms of height. I’m 5’9 and Dh is 6’5 and her predicted adult height is like 5’5. 😂 Obviously, boys have later growth spurts that girls, but he’s unlikely to be particularly tall. I was already 5’9 at 11/12.

All that said, you just need to build his resilience and help him find a snippy response to any comments. If it’s not his height, it will be his hair colour or his skin or his accent. He needs to have a comeback that gets people to question how inappropriate it is to comment on someone’s body.

@mindutopia Even if the OP's boy turns 12 today, at 165 cms, he'd be mid-way between the 98th and 99.6th centiles on the UK-WHO growth chart. If he has only just turned 11, he's well over the 99.6th centile.

Your girl, at 160 cms and being 12, would lie somewhere between 91st and 75th centiles, depending on whether she's just turned 12, or is nearly 13.

Your daughter is likely to have female friends of the same age who are taller than her. The OP's son is not likely to have male friends of the same age of similar height or taller.

These seem quite different situations to me.

Well, it’s generally seen as good to be tall, especially for boys, so people think it’s a compliment.

Point that out to him.

You can also say to people ‘please don’t comment on other people’s appearances’ for sure, but this may just make him more self conscious

Is he in y6? Loads of our year 6s are my height or slightly over (5'7) so I'm surprised 5'5 is commented on. If he's off to secondary in September he'll be very average there I expect any comments will stop.

5 11 is within the average range for a guy, albeit taller end of average. I don’t think many people would call a man tall unless he was 6 ft plus

Agree. In the Y6 classes that I teach, a height of 5’5” is completely unremarkable.

This isn’t about his (normal ) height, but rather sensitivity to personal comments. Some of us, often on the introvert end of things, just find scrutiny painful, even when meant positively/neutrally. I would work with him on tactics to deal with that.

wow really? There is not one boy the same height in his year 6. The closest is 5”2/5”3 maybe but that’s one or two. I see @worrisomeassetmentioned same which is interesting. Mine very much sticks out which is why I think it makes him more conscious.

I have a feeling that you and I would have a lot to talk about!

I’m 4’11, and it’s just such a scream to hear such original comments and jokes about my height. 🙄