Comments on son’s height

[teethsparkle]

DS 11 is very tall for his age at 5”5. He is also very conscious of it. Am sick of the constant comments by other parents, children and even every medical appointment he goes to, from health professionals. One actually commented on his ‘gangly legs’. I’m at the point of lashing out and saying ‘stop commenting on his height’ but really worried that doing it in front of him is embarrassing or I look like an idiot saying it and making it a bigger issue. I don’t think anyone should comment on a child’s body but people seem to think it’s ok. WWYD?

People love to make comments.
My daughter is 5 and the size of a 3 yo with a couple of friends the same size and there are children in her class who have younger siblings who are taller than her. We have had many a conversation about how their tall toddlers and treated like children and not toddlers and the impact that has and the treatment of smaller children as if they are toddlers. My mum's party trick when I was a child was to try to get strangers to guess my age and they would always come out with years younger than I was. My 5ft2 but my little sister who was the same size as me for chunks of my childhood despite only being over 3 years younger than me is only 5ft3!
My niece is fairly tall for her age and recently started tag rugby and is loving being around other tall strong people.

I would probably try to find activities that are suited to his body shape and size, build up his confidence about his size and find opportunities when he's not about to call people out on their comments.

Exactly this. ExH was challenged by a couple of teachers at the zoo with DS once as to why DS wasn't in school
"They won't have him" he cheerily replied
"Oh dear, does he have...needs?"
"No. He's THREE"
DS is now 6ft6 at 18. We've encouraged him to be proud of his height but he gets tired of people pointing it out to him. Especially as I'm only 5ft3 & we genuinely have people question if I'm really his mother.

When people inevitably start with the comments, i say ‘that’s it - get it out of your system’. Occasionally that stops them, and i say ‘finished?’.

But, it’s not foolproof, of course.

In mild annoyance, a man did once say to me ‘calm down, Yoda’.
And it was a new one on me, so I actually laughed!

I have a DS who grew a full beard by age 13. He's over 6ft too. EVERYONE comments on not believing how old he is. DS is frustrated by it. I shut it down by saying "yeah everyone says that", then we talk about something else

I actually think that is the real risk with commenting: if they can embrace it, they start to get their identity from being a certain way then growth spurts that come or don’t really come totally shake it all up.

I think sometimes adults comment for lack of any other ideas about how to engage with them - especially if they tend to be the “ fine” and nothing more type when you ask how they are, which is common with adolescents.

A similar thing happens with “intelligence.” I’ve known lots of very “advanced” children who excel with Early Years curriculum who then get massively overtaken when the real academic work kicks in. It’s very hard if they had it reinforced how “clever” they are from their earliest education. Actually they just had neat handwriting and were obliging phonics-learners.

They say sons are always taller then their mum so yes be will def be heading towards 6f

I was taller than him at that age and as a girl recieved soooo many comments. I used to get self conscious about people mentioning my appearance at all rather than it being about height specifically; lots think of it as a compliment but it isn't always recieved that way. I'm not sure of the answer I'm afraid other than as you are doing being positive with him about his height.

I wouldn’t say he’s that tall now tbh - I’m 5/7 my nephew is 12 and comes for a cuddle and almost to my head so prob 5/5 like your son and doesn’t seem too tall to me

i just say you will overtake your Aunty soon

he doesn’t seem tall and gangly. Just normal height

maybe his friends are a lot shorter

and harder to be short at a boy then tall

To be fair, it’s often girls who are 5’5” and more in Y6 classes as they tend to have their growth spurt before boys do.

I agree with what others have said that when he goes to secondary school there are going to be many more boys his height or taller. It’s a small pool at primary.

4 DC- 3 of them over 6ft. My youngest is 16 and last measured 6ft2 but has since grown, he's finally started to straighten up and enjoy being tall. My daughter is 6ft 1 and always hated being tall until she was a adult. He will learn to love it hopefully in time and at secondary he'll just blend in

I am 5’9” and always just said ‘thanks’ when people said I was tall as I hit 5’9” at 12 and stayed there and everyone had to catch up. My brother is 6’4” and he hates people commenting as he’s so shy, my mother never bloody stopped until he flew off the handle about it. She only 5’ and all her side of the family are around the 5’ mark. So every family gathering it was commented on and I could see him trying to hold it in ‘oh sometimes when he stands up I panic he’s not going to stop…’ etc.

My friends husband is 6’8” really confident and friendly and if someone says ‘you’re tall’ he says ‘am I, thanks i hadn’t noticed!’.

This.
DS hated it at Primary (he is 5ft9 at 12 in Year 7) felt too big for the space because Primary school naturally is designed for smaller people.

Started high school and found that not only were quite a few others his height but thau being that tall was an advantage at moving through corridors and interacting with the older kids is far easier at 5ft 5+ than being short and a couple of comments about him being in year 7 and then it moved on

he finds it much easier now

Surely everyone has something that makes them different from other people. You are noticing people mentioning it because he sees it in a negative way.

If he had lost a leg you wouldn’t be focusing on stopping people from mentioning it, you would be working on his own perception of himself and his confidence.

I was tall, long legs/arms when I was at junior school. It all stopped once I hit secondary school...I'm 5ft 2! So yes, had a growth spurt and was taller than the other girls, but they all caught up and became taller...I didn't!! So just because your son is tall now, doesn't mean that will always be the case. Of course it could, especially if you and his Dad are tall. My son is 14 and 5ft 10, and is all legs and arms. No people should think before they speak, but most people don't think a child would mind being taller.

My son is taller than average for the UK, but we live in a country with a much shorter average height... So it is very noticable. He is often taller than the boys a few grades up from him.

Other parents act as if it is great, but it can be a big issue because all his life people presume he is older than he is, and then they expect him to act older, and get annoyed/surprised when he acts his age.

I know in the long run height is an advantage and desirable thing for men, so it's hardly something to complain about. But I do sympathize that the comments from other parents are annoying

Tall is great.

I was just thinking that this is not even that tall, DS is 11 and him and all his friends are about that.
Then clocked that his friends are all from his basketball team 😂
If he likes sports, maybe something to check, then he would not feel like the odd one out.

It’s always going to be thus so the best thing you can do is work with him to expect it, to work on positive come backs for when it happens, and to embrace it as part of himself and turn it into a positive.

Yeah I wouldn’t be annoyed or angry at all. When my son was 14 he was 6”3 so we know tall (he’s taller now 😂) He embraced it and we did too. He plays elite sports and his height is a complete advantage (he couldn’t play his position if shorter probably) so no one has anything to say about that.

As always to approach and mindset. A great lesson is positive mindset, resilience and embracing who you are. You probably won’t or can’t change peoples views but you can change the way you feel about it.

I agree. Especially when you're 11 and things are starting to change, you don't need that kind of spotlight on you.

I don’t know why people here are trying to make you think your son isn’t tall for his age when he clearly is. I bet on those who growth charts he’s near the top percentile.

It’s besides the point though. People should think more before commenting on anyone’s appearance. Lots of people don’t like attention on them, especially about anything that is different about them

DS2 was very tall for his age as a toddler, he is also autistic and had speech delay. Not a good combo for an easy life. I used to try and laugh off comments about his height. Didn’t talk but had good understanding of spoken language. But zero understanding of jokey hyperbole. I once said he was going to be a giant when he was grown. But he took it literally. Bad parenting moment.

DS1 was the opposite, very petite but little professor autistic type (used to be called Asperger’s). We used to get double takes as this little person talked in full sentences and used complex language.

At 19 he’s ‘only’ 6 foot 2 and knows people taller so he’s ok with his height. I’m only 5 foot 5 and his dad is 5 foot 9 but his granddad is about 6 foot.

Height is one of the last accepted physical features people feel safe to comment on. My DS is tall and some people just blurt out mad comments - especially shorter adults.
At 6'1 DS isn't a particularly tall boy for my family, so at least he had tall role models. And kids are taller generally these days, so by the time they turn 16, some others may well be taller.

Thanks so much for all your comments. So lovely to hear of similar experiences and the positivity on how you handle comments