Would you leave an 11 year old at home with a sleeping 4 year old for 20 minutes?

[Sadhappiness]

A very out of the ordinary situation has come up where I will be out, my 8 year old will be at Brownies and my eldest (11) will be at home (I'm usually ferrying her). Usually my husband takes our 4 year old to collect the middle one from Brownies, but on the odd occasion our 4 year old has been asleep our neighbour has come to sit in the house while he goes to collect her (we have very good neighbours). If he were to be asleep this week, would it be too absurd to leave him at home with his sister (with her knowing she can knock next door for help)? She hasn't spent any time at home on her own previously. She does love and trust our neighbour so i think she'd be fine about approaching them for help. And we would give our neighbour the heads up about all of this.

Ultimately, do you think that would be acceptable?

They would say it’s fine for an 11 year old to be alone for a short period of time, eg between getting home from school and mum / dad coming in from work.

I wouldn’t leave a 4 year old in the sole care of an 11 year old. If there was a small gap, eg sensible 11 year old / 9 year old maybe.

I don't see the problem with it the 4 year old is asleep. Its 20 minutes and neighbours are close by if there is any emergencies. 11 year olds are quite capable thats secondary school age

Yes, but only if neighbour is aware and given a heads up when you leave.

You would trust them to walk to school together for a similar time.

I would and have. By 11 my eldest frequently babysat for us and quite a few neighbours.My local rec center offers a 'home alone/ baby sitters course' and the average age is about 11.

I definitely would but I’m old and babysat younger children probably at about the age of 11. House fires randomly breaking out were never considered! Admittedly my own parents were only a couple of houses away.

I read threads like these and am concerned there will be children going off to university never having crossed the road alone.

You have already decided to do it so us saying we wouldn't how does that help?

Yes. I would have been perfectly competent to look after a 4 year old sibling at that age.

Could she cope if the 4yo was sick in their bed, was terrified and screaming?

More likely than a fire.

Erm no. Why are you calling me a troll? That’s not allowed here. Plenty of people have said no they wouldn’t leave the kids, you’re determined to though so crack on but no need to be so rude. You asked the question.

Realistically the odds of either the 4yo being sick or a fire is pretty remote.

I've two kids only once has one been sick in their bed.
I've never in 50 years had a house fire.

The odds of either of those things happening in a 20 min window has to be pretty remote.

No I wouldn’t. 11 year olds are not old enough to be babysitters.

Same age difference between my two. I would have been happy to leave DD in charge of her little brother when she was 11 and he was 4, asleep or awake though I would prefer awake as then they would be in the same room in the rare event of fire, but she was already well used to staying home alone by then. Also have helpful neighbours she could turn to.

I haven't decided. In all liklihood we probably won't do it on this occasion. More than anything I'm trying to challenge my own instincts with logic from myself and input from others.

In your shoes I would be looking for reasons to leave your eldest alone, so that in future you can leave them in charge for 20 minutes.

Op it makes sense to do it now in summer light nights rather than in the dark in winter.

Let the 11 yo get used to it, I'm assuming pick up is around 8pm so not too late, but in winter it will be dark.

No, I wouldn't. I might with my 13 yo and 4 yo but even then I'd probably want 13 yo to be awake so that he could be listening out for any issues. I think 11 is too young to have that level of responsibility.

13 is the soonest I'd leave my eldest in charge of a younger sibling. My 11 year can be left home one but not in charge of a young child even if asleep. It's your choice though as I wouldn't think it terribly neglectful or anything.

Yes

Why is the 4 year old asleep? If he has just crashed on the sofa I would wake and take. If you are actively putting him to bed just before a time you need to go out to collect another DC you need to look at your routine and change it to suit.

Absolutely not. 11 is too young to be alone never mind with a 4 year old

I would in your position.

No never

Yes I did, picking their dad up from the station, though mine are only 2 years apart in age

Yes it would be fine.