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Original poster

Would you leave an 11 year old at home with a sleeping 4 year old for 20 minutes?

106 replies

Sadhappiness · 12/05/2025 23:45

A very out of the ordinary situation has come up where I will be out, my 8 year old will be at Brownies and my eldest (11) will be at home (I'm usually ferrying her). Usually my husband takes our 4 year old to collect the middle one from Brownies, but on the odd occasion our 4 year old has been asleep our neighbour has come to sit in the house while he goes to collect her (we have very good neighbours). If he were to be asleep this week, would it be too absurd to leave him at home with his sister (with her knowing she can knock next door for help)? She hasn't spent any time at home on her own previously. She does love and trust our neighbour so i think she'd be fine about approaching them for help. And we would give our neighbour the heads up about all of this.

Ultimately, do you think that would be acceptable?

OP posts:
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Bramble25 · 12/05/2025 23:46

I wouldn’t.

ArtemisiaTheArtist · 12/05/2025 23:47

No. Too many variables.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 12/05/2025 23:48

Still too young at the moment

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11 year olds 4 year olds 8 year olds Families
pippapipps · 12/05/2025 23:49

NO!!!!

LizzieSiddal · 12/05/2025 23:50

Why not just ask the neighbour to come over?

I personally won’t let an11 year old have responsibility for a 4 year old.

AmyFl · 12/05/2025 23:50

Yes, will be fine.

TheNightingalesStarling · 12/05/2025 23:50

If your 11yo has never been home one, she's definitely not ready to be in charge of a sibling alone.

stayathomer · 12/05/2025 23:51

no way, op are you at work at that time? It sounds like you both may need to refigure out your set up

SophiaSW1 · 12/05/2025 23:51

No

Original poster
Sadhappiness · 12/05/2025 23:52

Thank you for your responses. If the situation arises where the youngest is asleep I'll ask him to ask the neighbour to come in as well.

OP posts:
blackfriday1 · 12/05/2025 23:55

We leave my 11 year old DSD home alone for 20 minutes or so (occasionally do and she likes the independence) but would not leave her responsible for my 4 year old at the same time, no way.

EmmasDilemmas · 12/05/2025 23:57

If the 11yo is sensible and the 4yo would be ok waking up with no adults home then yes I would do this. I was doing paid for babysitting for 3 kids aged 2-7 from age 12 (I know most wouldn’t do this now, but I never felt out of my depth with them). My oldest is only 5 so no older sibling who could take care of her - but thinking of my 11yo niece, I would trust her in charge for 20 mins.

MsPavlichenko · 12/05/2025 23:58

No.

Whyx · 12/05/2025 23:58

You know your 11 year old and you know your 4 year old. As well as your neighbour.

How would any of them actually if something happened?
Will the 4 year old be distressed if they wake and you are not there? Are they likely to try to leave the house?

I was left home alone for short periods at 11 and looked after my younger brother by 12. And that was without a kindly neighbour, just a number to call my mum on or I knew how to dial 999. I was mature enough to understand when that was necessary.

Some people's kids aren't ready by 11 for this. But there's a reason that there is no legal age for being left alone and it's because kids are ready for this responsibility at different ages.

eurotravel · 12/05/2025 23:59

Yes for 20 min

Original poster
Sadhappiness · 13/05/2025 00:01

It would be about 20 minutes, I forgot to add that. And our neighbours are pretty much a surrogate grandparent hence why we're happy to call on them for help, but they're also right next door, so easily accessible.

OP posts:
Pleaseshutthefuckup · 13/05/2025 00:01

I left my 11 year old for 20 mins a few times whilst I went to the shop. We know neighbours well so that made it safer for me.

Ref the 4 year old - it's too dodgy as they can be into all sorts and hurt themselves in all sorts of ways. So because of that, I'd say no.

Needspaceforlego · 13/05/2025 00:02

I think it would be absolutely fine.

It's 20min.

Thinking worse case sensario the 4 yo wakes. Wants mum / dad she can phone Dad get him to talk to LO
Bring them down stairs put the telly on.
If one of them is sick phone the neighbour

vladimirVsvolodymr · 13/05/2025 00:05

Would your 11 year old be happy to stay at home alone? Especially if they’ve never been alone before.

Original poster
Sadhappiness · 13/05/2025 00:05

To be clear, I woukd only ever consider this if the 4 year old was properly settled, the 11 year old was ok with it and our very close neighbour was aware and on the lookout too.

OP posts:
herbalteabag · 13/05/2025 00:06

I would do it, it's 20 minutes.

abracadabra1980 · 13/05/2025 00:06

Use this as a guide: Would your 11yr old be able to cope if a fire broke out?
Then you have your answer.

Original poster
Sadhappiness · 13/05/2025 00:07

Needspaceforlego · 13/05/2025 00:02

I think it would be absolutely fine.

It's 20min.

Thinking worse case sensario the 4 yo wakes. Wants mum / dad she can phone Dad get him to talk to LO
Bring them down stairs put the telly on.
If one of them is sick phone the neighbour

This is what I'm thinking. Although, I hadn't considered the eldest, the one in charge, becoming unwell. Not sure how that would play out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sadhappiness · 13/05/2025 00:08

abracadabra1980 · 13/05/2025 00:06

Use this as a guide: Would your 11yr old be able to cope if a fire broke out?
Then you have your answer.

Absolutely. We've taught her what to do.

OP posts:
AlmostSummer25 · 13/05/2025 00:14

Sadhappiness · 13/05/2025 00:07

This is what I'm thinking. Although, I hadn't considered the eldest, the one in charge, becoming unwell. Not sure how that would play out.

Show quote history

She'd ring the neighbour, surely.

depends totally on the children. My friends 11 yo regularly minds their 2 year old. 11 yo if very sensible & competent & the 2yo idolises her. So it's fine

other kids not so much!!

Will your 4 yo behave for the 11 yo?

does your 11 yo want to do this or would she rather have the neighbour pop in?