At what age can you leave a child at home alone for 15-20 minutes?

[december2020]

As a preface, DS is 4 - so I am nowhere near this stage.

However, it did get me thinking on what is the age and stage that you can leave a child at home alone for 15-20 minutes?

Of course there is always a variance depending on how mature they are, but on a general level?

Mn short hand for twin daughters.

Starting leaving my eldest son for about an hour or so at 12 because he hated being dragged to his younger sibling’s swimming lessons. He was pretty sensible and just gamed or watched tv

I’d say year 5 for most children so 9/10. But I wouldn’t start at 15-20 mins, I’d start 8/9 with 5-10 mins.

I started leaving my ds1 for about 20 minutes when he was 9.5. He’s 10 now and I’ll leave him for up to an hour during daylight hours. He also likes to go out for short bike rides (he’s very competent on the bike) and walks by himself. He also has permission to come home from school by himself 3 times a week. I wouldn’t leave him in charge of ds2 (age 7) though.

This is in slow preparation for secondary school in September 2026 where he will be going to school by himself and potentially coming home to an empty house once or twice a week. I prefer to gradually release responsibility this way rather than suddenly throw him in at the deep end when he starts secondary. That being said we live nearer to the secondary school than the primary school 😂

Indeed - on reflection I don’t think it’s something I’d do with my kids! though I will say being put in these situations did make me able to handle it better when things went wrong. I think a year later, commuting to school by train, I accidentally got on the wrong train to LDN , had a panic, but then realised actually it wasn’t the end of the world and I could just speak to a ticket man and get on the train home in the other direction.

there are some interesting books out there talking about how exposing your kids to real life “risks” at an early age where they’re responsible for decision making massively reduces anxiety down the line. I think it was in the “anxious generation” book.

but my point about preparing your kids and building up their independence still stands.

Not just the country but the area and neighbours. And obviously the child. I went to 3 primary schools in different places. At the middle one we lived on a new housing estate that had a tarmaced foot path to the school from virtually the end of the street.

There were lots of children about the same age adults of mums who didn't work so if there was a problem you could go next door or accross the road to a friend's mum.

We walked to and from school in a gaggle of kids and a couple of mums. The same coming home, and if you had an hour before a parent arrived you could stay home or spend time at a friends.

8/9 for us.

I won’t do it until 13/14. It’s not about how sensible DC is/are, as a single parent, it’s about what if something happened to me? As unlikely as the chances of that happening may seem, it’s not impossible.

😲😲😲

That applies at any age - anything can happen to you at any time, anywhere. You are doing them a disservice.

Around 8 for literal 15 mins and no younger children. 10-11 for longer than that and not in charge of younger ones until maybe 14.

I do with my son as he is 9 but he has a smart watch thing which means he can call me in an emergency

at 7-8 and without a smartwatch I might leave for 5 minutes- length of time it takes to run dh down to the station

however I was left from about 6 when my parents went to work and I was ill. Dm would call every hour or so. Obviously no mobiles back then. I think I was the more trustworthy end of the spectrum though

Our rule is 12, and has worked to varying degrees, my second youngest could probably have been left before this but when one of mine was 12 he got freaked out by a man banging on the door and so ran up to his room.

I always say 5/10/15 minutes would never happen around here anyway-shops are too far and I’ve rarely eg walked into a shop and gotten served, our neighbours are extremely chatty- there’s so many things in life that hold you up that I don’t get why people just don’t bring their kids. It’s a hassle, but that’s parenting and better for the kids

Our boy felt comfortable at around age 10-11 to be left home alone for short spells ie popping to the shops, etc.

In the 1970s it was indeed about age 5!!

I have been thinking about this. My eldest is 9 and super sensible so I could leave him for 15 minutes if needed.

What I've been wondering about is that we no longer have a landline phone and he doesn't have a mobile (and won't until high school) so I'm not sure how he'd contact us if he needed to. I guess we could have a brick phone in the house? Feels unnecessary but also necessary...

About 8.

but it will always depend on the child and how sensible and mature they are.

I am completely the other way. At 11 I was left in the house on a weekend form probably eight pm til about half eleven / midnight. I was scared. Same on holiday. I hated going to sleep at that age with no one in.

This is very unhealthy!

It was in the 50’s too, I was regularly sent to the local shop by school age, a 10 minute walk along a main road.
At the age of 7 I would cycle around the lanes for 4 miles, to a pretty village with two younger siblings. We’d take a picnic and be gone all day. No mobile phones, just be told to be home for tea at 5.30!

Ours have iPads and message us on there

Eh?!?

so if you were in an accident, you’d rather they were WITH you than safely at home?!?

that’s batshit

I'd say 8-9yo. I think by 10yo they should be ok for an hour on their own but you need to build up gradually.

I think if you never leave them alone until Senior School you're doing them a disservice. They need to build up to being independent and trusting themselves. Molly coddling them won't do them any good in the long run.

I think some peoples kids are gonna get a bit of a shock when they’re off to uni/travelling the world at 18. They won’t be remotely prepared to suddenly be on their own in a complete unknown city, possibly different language, at any time of day or night, trying to navigate the public transport!
Work backwards.
if they have to do that at 18, then at 17 they need to able to go out in a nearby city at night, at 16 im the day, at 15 at night with friends, at 14 day with friends, at 13 their own town on their own, at 12 with friends, at 11 their own neighbourhood.
if you don’t get on the steps till 13 you’re going to be too far behind,

Agree @arethereanyleftatall also it’s much better if they learn how to do this stuff before they have to do it for the first times DS has never got the bus into town before, (we live walking distance to school). He’s year 8, I’ve told him he must learn how to do it this summer holiday so that if the occasion where he has to get the bus arises he feels confident. Rather than having to learn what to do on an occasion where he must get it.