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Original poster

Children’s Social Services - HELP

57 replies

louise1makeup2 · 23/04/2025 11:27

Please read this without judging. And if you can’t help or no nice comments, please refrain from commenting because I am Autistic and extremely vulnerable right now.

I was in hospital February. My son’s dad wouldn’t bring my son to see me. So my friend insured my car and with dad’s permission (who put him in the car), brought my son. Later on that evening after my son was dropped off. My friend was arrested, unrelated to car or my son and it was a no further action. Police illegally searched through our messages and reported to social services my friend had been caring for my son. She hasn’t but I blocked friend as any police involvement I don’t want to know.

Social services called off no caller id but I missed the call as I was still in hospital. They called my sons dad and said to keep my son away from me and started the time frame for the child and family assessment. I picked my son up from his childcare as sons dad wouldn’t give son back. He then said it was fine to have him. Ironic son’s dad has no involvement normally then decides if I can have my son or not. I called social services daily for 2 weeks and no one from triage or duty would give me any information. No advice or support nothing.

Eventually 2 weeks later a student social worker got in contact. Didn’t ask for consent. Said they were going to speak to my son and come to visit. I asked the appropriate questions why is this happening I don’t get why it’s went to assessment stage. They said if I didn’t want to do it, it would go to a strategy and down child protection route. I didn’t want to go through the assessment as I was on child protection as a child, children services in my area are so bad and it’s so triggering for me. If I need help then fine, but based off the referral, a whole child and family assessment wasn’t warranted.

the student social worker never spoken to my sons dad. She also left. So the manager put it as a no further action and 7 days after the completion I got it was a no further action because they understood I blocked my friend now and had no contact. They knew that before the assessment. They found nothing from the assessment. I stated so many times I don’t want my sons dad getting a copy as his girlfriend will take pictures and send to her family to read over and send to her friends with all my personal information on it. They’re saying he has to have a copy. The social worker lied and said she didn’t say strategy meeting when I’ve got on texts they did threaten and bully me.

i was bullied into consenting to the assessment. Ideally I want it removed off the system full stop as it shouldn’t have happened in the first place.

if that can’t happen then it needs to be checked over as the student hasn’t done it properly by lying. Does my sons dad have to have a copy even though we won’t be safe it he does?

no one is helping me from children’s services. I don’t want him being sent a copy then getting a sorry after

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Original poster
louise1makeup2 · 23/04/2025 12:22

twilightermummy · 23/04/2025 12:14

Have they had multiple referrals?

To the previous poster who said that SS must know the dad was abusive is obviously wrong as they asked the dad to take care of the child.

All that I can think of here is that your friend has done something serious and the SS have to take a referral from the police seriously. You haven't done anything wrong so it's not the end of the world that it's on record. You'll seriously need to learn to ignore ex's new girlfriend. Leave them to it and hold your head up high.

i know there is no history of abuse from sons dad. Triage spoke to son’s dad first. He called me. I called social services and because it was being allocated to another worker to wait until then. She went on holiday so it was assigned to someone else. Because social services didn’t contact me I just picked my son up. And his dad didn’t care as he doesn’t want son full time anyways he just didn’t know what to do because social services had used language like we are doing an assessment and if you have care of son, just exercise PR and keep him.

thank you. I don’t speak to his dad’s new partner. Everything is okay at the moment as zero contact. It’s I just don’t want her reading it. In my head it shouldn’t have happened and it’s very personal information. She’ll read the full thing and take pictures and I can’t cope with it.

OP posts:
casapenguin · 23/04/2025 12:23

FrankieV6 · 23/04/2025 12:00

Yes, your son's father is entitled to copies of documents pertaining to your son, providing he has PR. However, personal information like addresses/phone numbers etc for you should be redacted. If there is further information you think needs to be redacted for your safety, you should speak to the team manager about this.

They will not remove the assessment from the system because you don't agree with it. You can challenge it though, and your challenges should be noted. A lot of parents say social workers lie, and while that may be the case for you it really isn't for the majority of people - they simply don't like what has been written and then say it's a lie.

I can only assume the reason the assessment was triggered was because your friend was arrested for something very serious and it called into question your judgement for letting them have unsupervised contact with your child, no matter how short a time it was for. Social services can't just take your word for it when you said you had blocked your friend - they have to make sure your son is safe and there are no other issues first, and then they can end the assessment. I appreciate how intrusive the process feels and if you have been through the CP process yourself as a child it must have been very triggering. However, social workers are there to keep children safe. Sometimes they get things wrong, and you have the right to complain. But most of the time they are doing an extremely difficult job in exceptionally difficult circumstances.

Speak to a team manager or service lead about your concerns for the assessment being shared with your ex, and try to stay calm when you speak to them. You can express your concerns about the assessment and what has been written, and you can ask for it to be looked at again by a team manager.

This is the answer you want! They won’t delete the assessment, but they should redact personal information before sharing it.

Original poster
louise1makeup2 · 23/04/2025 12:23

HScully · 23/04/2025 12:19

Is your friend male? Could they think he is a new partner... potential to be one?

No female. We used to have the same foster carer. I did ask my foster carer and she said it was a no further action but wasn’t sure exactly what it was. But because she’s a registered foster carer she’s had no contact as last thing she wants is hassle with social services or police

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alcoholnightmare · 23/04/2025 12:24

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YouFetidMoppet · 23/04/2025 12:28

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murasaki · 23/04/2025 12:31

Agree that he's entitled to a copy of the report, but it should be redacted to remove your personal information

YouFetidMoppet · 23/04/2025 12:32

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 23/04/2025 12:07

Actually bestie it’s a no further action so they’ve picked up on fuck all x x x

and now I’m going through complaints about their treatment, clearly you can’t read

That's ^^ not unkind in your opinion?

Show quote history

Jesus, what is wrong with you today? You just want an arguement with anyone don't you?

Dramatic · 23/04/2025 12:33

I don't understand how they've bullied you?

Worksoutbetter · 23/04/2025 12:34

Is it the case that whatever your friend was arrested for was an offence that would mean they couldn’t look after a child ?

YouFetidMoppet · 23/04/2025 12:34

@OP I would ask MNHQ to move this thread somewhere else. In AIBU you just attract a lot of weirdos who aren't actually helpful and just want to make themselves feel better by piling on people going through a shit time.

ExtraOnions · 23/04/2025 12:36

You can’t post on a public forum and demand you only get responses that support your view iIf the situation. That’s not the way it works.

We have only your view of the world, and it’s right that people ask questions, as some of it seems a bit odd.

The key point is what was your friend arrested for, it must have been something that you raised concerns with SS. It would make them question if you were able to keep your child safe. Was the person driving when drunk / high? Did they have drugs in the car and were dealing? Are they connected to child sex offenders … who knows - not you.

Original poster
louise1makeup2 · 23/04/2025 12:37

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Sorry but you’re not reading anything properly. My foster carer has never ever had contact with my ex. She speaks to me daily and I visit her home weekly. She just didn’t contact her other ex foster child as it’s prying into her business and it’s on the side of caution as she knows I didn’t have much contact with her and I got a referral.

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alcoholnightmare · 23/04/2025 12:39

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Worksoutbetter · 23/04/2025 12:39

louise1makeup2 · 23/04/2025 12:37

Sorry but you’re not reading anything properly. My foster carer has never ever had contact with my ex. She speaks to me daily and I visit her home weekly. She just didn’t contact her other ex foster child as it’s prying into her business and it’s on the side of caution as she knows I didn’t have much contact with her and I got a referral.

Show quote history

So was there a concern about your ability to safeguard your child from this person? Do they have a history / criminal
record of offences against children or violent offences ?

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 23/04/2025 12:41

YouFetidMoppet · 23/04/2025 12:32

Jesus, what is wrong with you today? You just want an arguement with anyone don't you?

Show quote history

Errrm...I believe the words below are yours to another poster. Pot, kettle? 😳

"Be a narcissist pillock somewhere else please. Preferably in a shipping container in a dockyard somewhere where nobody can hear you. At least you'll have the sound of your own voice to listen to, which I imagine is all you are interested in anyway."

Original poster
louise1makeup2 · 23/04/2025 12:42

ExtraOnions · 23/04/2025 12:36

You can’t post on a public forum and demand you only get responses that support your view iIf the situation. That’s not the way it works.

We have only your view of the world, and it’s right that people ask questions, as some of it seems a bit odd.

The key point is what was your friend arrested for, it must have been something that you raised concerns with SS. It would make them question if you were able to keep your child safe. Was the person driving when drunk / high? Did they have drugs in the car and were dealing? Are they connected to child sex offenders … who knows - not you.

I did not demand? That is things being twisted. You can ask, of course you can. Nothing wrong with that. People can’t read and that’s exactly what is happening. First comment was glad they’re involved, they aren’t?

I have said a few times social services wouldn’t share for data they said it can be minor, false allegations or absolutely nothing but they can’t share for data protection. No she wasn’t involved drinking etc as she had my car I would’ve been Informed if it was something car related. If they were child sex related she wouldn’t have gotten her job, which she is still in I believe.

I think everyone is literally missing the point. I’ve not said anything about the referral itself. I’ve blocked her and I don’t want to know regardless as my son comes first. I’m annoyed at children’s services for not contacting me two weeks and forcing me into an assessment which I’ll know in the end I’ll get confirmation it wasn’t needed. But then it still exists on the system and they’ve been through my personal information and I’m sure legally they shouldn’t force you into assessments.

OP posts:
Freshflower · 23/04/2025 12:44

If I were you at this stage , I'd work with them , not against them. Fight for your child and prove that you are capable and don't need them in your life. Sort out child care arrangements with father, so that's clear. Do everything in your power to sort this out in a way that shows you have your child's best interests at heart , work with them. They will build up a case from previous situations, GPs , health visitor, if child is thriving , safe and happy with you , there will be no issues

YouFetidMoppet · 23/04/2025 12:44

Yeah you're right there, just giving you what you want. Shouldn't have took the troll bait eh?

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 23/04/2025 12:45

YouFetidMoppet · 23/04/2025 12:44

Yeah you're right there, just giving you what you want. Shouldn't have took the troll bait eh?

You're right, I shouldn't have.

Lesson learned 👍

alcoholnightmare · 23/04/2025 12:45

I agree hugely with @Freshflower. You need to let this go.

MNHQ
HebeMumsnet · 23/04/2025 12:51

OP, we've moved this over to our Parenting topic as it looked like it was a bit of a sensitive topic for AIBU. We hope you don't mind.

While we're here could we just remind everyone to try and keep things civil, particularly on support threads like these? Thanks.

SillySeal · 23/04/2025 13:18

You won't be able to have anything removed from the system. It will have to be held just incase anything happens in the future so they can refer back to it. It's the same with foster carers - everything is kept on file wether it's truthful or unfounded. Of things were deleted and anything happened in the future the local authority would be liable and there would be questions.

As to your ex getting the information- they will be entitled to know the outcome and any information SS feel they need to know.

Best piece of advice is to work with them. If theres no reason for their involvement and you show them that you won't have a problem.

Original poster
louise1makeup2 · 23/04/2025 13:24

Freshflower · 23/04/2025 12:44

If I were you at this stage , I'd work with them , not against them. Fight for your child and prove that you are capable and don't need them in your life. Sort out child care arrangements with father, so that's clear. Do everything in your power to sort this out in a way that shows you have your child's best interests at heart , work with them. They will build up a case from previous situations, GPs , health visitor, if child is thriving , safe and happy with you , there will be no issues

Hey, thank you, I don’t need to fight for my child. We aren’t open to social services. I hand on heart have and still intend to work with them. When the other social worker was on holiday and delayed the process the first thing I said was I understand completely can just one member of staff call me even from triage to explain the concerns, as I can’t get legal advice or even know what’s happened. And for two weeks they have fobbed me off.

since then they have admitted their error as someone should’ve said something but it’s moved to the next part of complaints.

I already have child contact sorted with dad, it’s been in place for a while hence the minimum contact now.

all I was asking for advice was through GDPR if sons dad has to have a copy and if I should’ve been forced into an assessment as I don’t know if social services acted legally. I am really emotionally going though it with their bullying and ill information. I know going through my complaints as a resolution I want written confirmation that an assessment shouldn’t have happened and neither threatened with strategy meeting

OP posts:
Original poster
louise1makeup2 · 23/04/2025 13:25

SillySeal · 23/04/2025 13:18

You won't be able to have anything removed from the system. It will have to be held just incase anything happens in the future so they can refer back to it. It's the same with foster carers - everything is kept on file wether it's truthful or unfounded. Of things were deleted and anything happened in the future the local authority would be liable and there would be questions.

As to your ex getting the information- they will be entitled to know the outcome and any information SS feel they need to know.

Best piece of advice is to work with them. If theres no reason for their involvement and you show them that you won't have a problem.

They aren’t involved and we are not open. The only reason I’m in contact with social services is about the treatment from them and about my son’s dad not getting a copy. I know in normal circumstances they’d be sent a copy but if it poses risks to us both surely there is special exceptions

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Original poster
louise1makeup2 · 23/04/2025 14:18

Dramatic · 23/04/2025 12:33

I don't understand how they've bullied you?

I can’t go through every conversation but mainly social services just wanted to complete the assessment and were at my home address intimidating me. They didn’t say more than one person was attending and they came knowing I was wanting to withdraw. The language they used. The communication from them afterwards too and the attitude from the social worker going back on herself saying they didn’t threaten me.

i know it’s a no further action but how this all happened matters to me

OP posts: