Children’s Social Services - HELP

[louise1makeup2]

Please read this without judging. And if you can’t help or no nice comments, please refrain from commenting because I am Autistic and extremely vulnerable right now.

I was in hospital February. My son’s dad wouldn’t bring my son to see me. So my friend insured my car and with dad’s permission (who put him in the car), brought my son. Later on that evening after my son was dropped off. My friend was arrested, unrelated to car or my son and it was a no further action. Police illegally searched through our messages and reported to social services my friend had been caring for my son. She hasn’t but I blocked friend as any police involvement I don’t want to know.

Social services called off no caller id but I missed the call as I was still in hospital. They called my sons dad and said to keep my son away from me and started the time frame for the child and family assessment. I picked my son up from his childcare as sons dad wouldn’t give son back. He then said it was fine to have him. Ironic son’s dad has no involvement normally then decides if I can have my son or not. I called social services daily for 2 weeks and no one from triage or duty would give me any information. No advice or support nothing.

Eventually 2 weeks later a student social worker got in contact. Didn’t ask for consent. Said they were going to speak to my son and come to visit. I asked the appropriate questions why is this happening I don’t get why it’s went to assessment stage. They said if I didn’t want to do it, it would go to a strategy and down child protection route. I didn’t want to go through the assessment as I was on child protection as a child, children services in my area are so bad and it’s so triggering for me. If I need help then fine, but based off the referral, a whole child and family assessment wasn’t warranted.

the student social worker never spoken to my sons dad. She also left. So the manager put it as a no further action and 7 days after the completion I got it was a no further action because they understood I blocked my friend now and had no contact. They knew that before the assessment. They found nothing from the assessment. I stated so many times I don’t want my sons dad getting a copy as his girlfriend will take pictures and send to her family to read over and send to her friends with all my personal information on it. They’re saying he has to have a copy. The social worker lied and said she didn’t say strategy meeting when I’ve got on texts they did threaten and bully me.

i was bullied into consenting to the assessment. Ideally I want it removed off the system full stop as it shouldn’t have happened in the first place.

if that can’t happen then it needs to be checked over as the student hasn’t done it properly by lying. Does my sons dad have to have a copy even though we won’t be safe it he does?

no one is helping me from children’s services. I don’t want him being sent a copy then getting a sorry after

This sounds like a total shit show. Good job SS have picked up on it.

Actually bestie it’s a no further action so they’ve picked up on fuck all x x x

and now I’m going through complaints about their treatment, clearly you can’t read

With all you've written I don't think it's a bad thing that SS are doing some checks tbh.

You seem to have a lot going on, and a lot to deal with, and potentially aren't making the best choices for your son.

Your sons dad is an equal parent so he has as much right to access the information as you do, although I understand this is causing you some distress and must feel very difficult for you.

It's very possible that you need a bit of support, and these checks are there to establish whether you do or not. It's not a bad thing.

This response is very telling!

I think we need more information.

Is there /has there been abuse from child's dad? If there has, what does social services know about it? Are you not wanting him to have the report in case it has your address on?

It sounds like SS wanted to do an assessment to come up with a support package. I'm presuming the police did a referral to Ss? Again it's hard to advise without knowing what the person was arrested for and what contact they have with your son but they will have told you if a referral was made. these child in need assessments are 'voluntary' although if you decline one and they think your child is at risk then they can go down the child protection route which is mandatory. It sounds like perhaps this wasn't explained?if you were in hospital this also could be a reason for hospital to refer to SS depending on what you were there for - alcohol, drugs, some MH issues.

Has the assessment been done? What have they said?

I don’t have a lot going on and based off their referral it did not warrant a forced child and family assessment. Yes it was a no further action but it does not make better being forced into a family and child assessment.

I understand he’s his dad but his girlfriend hates me and everything is on speaker, texts read everything. It has my personal medical history and childhood on the sheet, she’ll take pictures and send to her friends and her mother, which she done in the past about the child maintenance claim. When children’s services first did the assessment they said I had the write to access who has my data.

I do not need support. Thank you though?

What was your friend arrested for while caring for your child?

Stop worrying about "bullying", your ex-boyfriend's girlfriend or the complaints procedure and concentrate on looking after your son.

Yes, your son's father is entitled to copies of documents pertaining to your son, providing he has PR. However, personal information like addresses/phone numbers etc for you should be redacted. If there is further information you think needs to be redacted for your safety, you should speak to the team manager about this.

They will not remove the assessment from the system because you don't agree with it. You can challenge it though, and your challenges should be noted. A lot of parents say social workers lie, and while that may be the case for you it really isn't for the majority of people - they simply don't like what has been written and then say it's a lie.

I can only assume the reason the assessment was triggered was because your friend was arrested for something very serious and it called into question your judgement for letting them have unsupervised contact with your child, no matter how short a time it was for. Social services can't just take your word for it when you said you had blocked your friend - they have to make sure your son is safe and there are no other issues first, and then they can end the assessment. I appreciate how intrusive the process feels and if you have been through the CP process yourself as a child it must have been very triggering. However, social workers are there to keep children safe. Sometimes they get things wrong, and you have the right to complain. But most of the time they are doing an extremely difficult job in exceptionally difficult circumstances.

Speak to a team manager or service lead about your concerns for the assessment being shared with your ex, and try to stay calm when you speak to them. You can express your concerns about the assessment and what has been written, and you can ask for it to be looked at again by a team manager.

The issue OP hasn't isn't with social services being informed.
It's their lies and the fact that her private medical information may be in the hands of someone who will use it for personal vindictive reasons.

Sorry OP I can't offer help but some are very quick to jump down your throat for no reason at all.

no sons dad just got a new girlfriend a year ago and dropped contact with son because she became a priority. He dips in and out when he feels like it. Provides no money. Invited to hospital appointments, clubs but doesn’t come.

His mam made an anonymous referral because she was lied to saying he was stopped from seeing his son. Of course he wasn’t. But all she said on the referral was that my son has colds regularly and I’m not managing. Because it was left anonymous and with the police referral they wanted to speak to me. Because I wasn’t available to speak to, they spoke to his dad, he didn’t know at the time his mam made the referral. He agreed for the assessment as he didn’t realise when it entails. I called up for the two and a half weeks asking for it to be stopped I don’t agree. And also asked about the referral as all I heard was through third party.

it was a no further action. I think I put that in the original text? I’m going through complaints to have it officially recorded that they shouldn’t have bullied me into it in the first place.

the student who did it had left. I’ve been trying to contact the office to have no copies sent to him as it has personal information including medical, my previous upbringing etc and his girlfriend will take pictures to send to his mam and her friends.

i was in hospital for acid reflux haha nothing to do with my son or anything safe guarding concerns

And if you can’t help or no nice comments, please refrain from commenting

Sorry can I just clarify, does this ^^ only work one way?

Anyway, I'd like to ask why you blocked your friend who was good enough to insure your car and go to the trouble of taking your child to see you in hospital.

You did say 'no further action', didn't you?

Thank you so much. Calling me to inform my friend had been arrested, I thanked them as I didn’t know. I had blocked her and they wanted to do the assessment. They already commenced the assessment behind my back and forced me into it and said it I didn’t a strategy meeting would happen and it would go down child protection route. Obviously I have nothing to hide but HOW something matters happens.

i had a difficult birth with my son and all I got after was you’ve got a healthy baby. So was gaslighted for a year as I thought I was the problem. Until someone recommend birth reflections and said how the birth happened mattered regardless if you got healthy baby.

same thing here. Yes it was a no further action but they knew I had blocked my friend and had zero contact. Doing the assessment didn’t learn from it and now the manager is lying saying she never said that and said my sons dad has to get a copy

Because if I stayed in contact they would’ve been concerned. And they told me they couldn’t tell me why my friend had been arrested. So best to stay clear as my son comes first.

yes no further action thank you. Nothing I’ve said isn’t unkind

Actually bestie it’s a no further action so they’ve picked up on fuck all x x x

and now I’m going through complaints about their treatment, clearly you can’t read

That's ^^ not unkind in your opinion?

They did not ask about my friend in the assessment at all. They didn’t care. They said they were ‘sick of the referrals’ to my son’s dad. They’ve been extremely unprofessional.

they did lie. I asked to withdraw my consent and the student social worker text me saying the manager said it would go to strategy if not. I asked for a manager to call me about consent to my sons dad getting the assessment and she said she never said strategy, so good job I’ve got written evidence with the student leaving she can’t back me up. They know they have messed up that’s why they’re going back on themselves.

the child and family assessment wasn’t because they were concerned. It wasn’t even listed in the assessment as a concern.

Yeah I directly asked for supportive comments yet the FIRST comment was the opposite. They clearly did not read the full thing. Social services could not care less as there are zero concerns and no further action. They want a simple life and want to send out the copy and be done. When I’m challenging their treatment against me, not contacting me for 2 weeks and forcing me into the assessment.

Email and say you do not consent to your sons dad having any of your personal information. Then they should block those details out of the copy they send him.

id consider making a formal complaint about the lies you were told and the lack of response. Include the full text history with the social worker that you have and include a list of date and time of all the phone calls you made from your call log.

Have they had multiple referrals?

To the previous poster who said that SS must know the dad was abusive is obviously wrong as they asked the dad to take care of the child.

All that I can think of here is that your friend has done something serious and the SS have to take a referral from the police seriously. You haven't done anything wrong so it's not the end of the world that it's on record. You'll seriously need to learn to ignore ex's new girlfriend. Leave them to it and hold your head up high.

Thank you I’ve already done all of this. It’s not just personal information it’s my medical history and it normally has my care background and I had SA as a child and they sometimes include stuff like that in the assessment. So it’s going to be triggering reading it. And all I keep thinking is this assessment shouldn’t exist in the first place

They won’t tell me. I called for 2 and a half weeks for answers. They didn’t even tell me they were doing the assessment behind my back. As it was based to one worker, then she went on holiday. Then the student called me but she already assumed I’d be spoken to. All they said was they had a referral from the police she was arrested and that they can’t share for data protection reasons. And because my son’s dad consented they just did the assessment.

sorry but this isn’t helpful at all. How something happened mattere. My son is very well looked after thank you very much. So I can follow up on the bullying and the treatment from SS

i do not speak directly to sons dad or partner and have not done for months unless it involves son urgently. That’s you making assumptions

I did read the full post, and felt awful for the children involved. Just because there’s currently NFA, doesn’t mean those children are being raised in a safe and sensible environment.

Is your friend male? Could they think he is a new partner... potential to be one?

I think you should re-read it. I didn't say the dad was abusive. OP was asked IF he was and IF that was why she didn't want him having the report with her personal details on. Op has since clarified there's another reason she didn't want him having the report