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Parenting

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Original poster

Do you (secretly) have a favourite child?

83 replies

BEAUTlFUL · 15/05/2008 22:24

I know we're not meant to favour one, but deep-down, do you? And what is it about that child which makes you feel just that tiny bit fonder towards them than the others? And how do you hide it from the other children?

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maidamess · 15/05/2008 22:26

Yes I'm afriad it is my middle son. He looks most like me and is totally unconditional in his love (my other too are a bit choosier and sly, altho delicious in other ways)

lostinfrance · 15/05/2008 22:27

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choccypig · 15/05/2008 22:28

I've only got one, and he is my absolute faavourite ....but I suspect that many parents tend to favour the one who seems to need it most, and that will vary from time to time, so it evens out in the end.
I'm one of six, and grew up feeling that the older ones plus the very youngest were favoured. Now that we are old enough to discuss it, we think they tried so hard not to show any favouritism, that we all felt we were the least favourite one.

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Pavlovthecat · 15/05/2008 22:28

my first born.

Pavlovthecat · 15/05/2008 22:29

choccypig snap! exact x-post to the second!

Original poster

BEAUTlFUL · 15/05/2008 22:34

maidamess, it's so interesting you mentioned that your middle child looks like you... My DS1 looks most like me, and I think I do favour him to DS1.

Plus, I had PND with DS1 and (looking back) that really hashed-up the bonding. With DS2, I feel happy. With DS1, I just felt guilty and/or scared all day and night.

OP posts:

maidamess · 15/05/2008 22:35

I popped my middle son out like a pea from a pod...births one and three were not straightforward at all. This may contribute to my easy feelings about my son..who knows?

Original poster

BEAUTlFUL · 15/05/2008 22:35

Ooops, I mean my DS2 looks like me.

Do you think it's easy not to have favourites if you have two kids of different sex?

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Legacy · 15/05/2008 22:43

I desparately try not to, but I suspect deep down I favour DS2 who is still 'my baby' (youngest); looks like me; was an easier birth; and is just generally easier-going, loving child.

By comparison DS1 was a traumatic birth, PND afterwards, VV bright child, but incredibly demanding, moody, high-maintenance.

I guess I'd say I LOVE them equally, but like being around DS2 a little more.

stitch · 15/05/2008 22:44

yes
whichever one happens not to be screaming and shouting and fighting and whinging at that moment in time.
when all of them asleep, then all my favourite

bluenosesaint · 15/05/2008 22:45

Mmmm thats hard to answer.
I don't favour any of my children, but i find my second daughter more easily lovable if that makes sense (although that sounds horrible!).

dd1 is a complex character and its hard to tap into her psyche whereas dd2 wears her heart on her sleeve and is very easy to 'work out'. Or, maybe its just that she's a LOT like me and so i understand her better?? Not sure really.

dd1 is a daddys girl whereas dd2 is mine through and through. dd2 showers me with affection daily and dd1 adores her dad and he can do no wrong in her eyes. To outsiders it would appear that dh favours dd1 and i favour dd2 but thats really not true. Its just hard not to recipricate. Not sure if any of that makes sense??

My dd3 is the apple of everyones eye, and is going to be a tinsy bit spoilt methinks

ingles2 · 15/05/2008 22:47

ds2 'my baby' I guess because he still needs me...
ds1 has started turning into a man, big, sweaty, clever (er than me ) but still adorable

Original poster

BEAUTlFUL · 15/05/2008 22:47

That's SO like my DS1! V bright but picky as anything "No, Mummy, that is not correct" 100 times a day and just a bit prickly.

DS2, gurgles away, rarely cries, and grins so hard he could split his face open.

Maybe the birth and PND really affect bonding, and what we're describing are babies we've bonded with, and others we haven't...? Or is that a bit extreme?

OP posts:

KerryMum · 15/05/2008 22:47

This reply has been deleted

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bluenosesaint · 15/05/2008 22:47

Reading other replies i would also add that dd2's birth was by far the easiest and bonding occured the quickest. She also looks like me. Hmmmmm ...

WendyWeber · 15/05/2008 22:47

No.

handlemecarefully · 15/05/2008 22:48

No I don't - truly. You can't help the way you feel if you do 'prefer' one dc over the others as long as it is well hidden I guess.

I am feel quite fortunate that this isn't an issue for me. I find my dd's company easier but I still love ds as intensely as her (despite the challenges he sometimes presents)

ladymariner · 15/05/2008 22:49

My ds. He's my only child and he's fab!!!!!

Original poster

BEAUTlFUL · 15/05/2008 22:49

Interesting that the favourite kids (from this discussion) tend to be the second-borns.

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PeaGreene · 15/05/2008 22:50

Favourite child? The one who's actually 7, not the one who's 37.

choccypig · 15/05/2008 22:52

But Pavlov, my post was longer, so I actually had the thought first [smug]

Ledodgy · 15/05/2008 22:52

They are honestly all my favourite for different reasons:

dd - firstborn, my only girl, very like me which is a bad and a good thing , helpful, sensitive soul, beautiful to look at.

ds1 - very like his father, I took a while to bond with him due to PND but now love him to bits and he's just sooo cute in his manner and his looks I just want to eat him!

ds2 - the baby, so very chilled, giggles away, huge saucer like eyes, no trouble at all up to now but he is only 4 1/2 months old!

cadelaide · 15/05/2008 22:52

What's all this "looks like me" business?

georgiemama · 15/05/2008 22:52

I only have 1 so no. But eldest DB and I both think middle child is mum's favourite - he is although wild horses would never make her admit it - since I had a child she has admitted how hard she found him as a baby and I think she has been making up for it ever since.

PosieParker · 15/05/2008 22:52

OMG, I am really shocked that people have a favourite. My dc can be quite moody but that balances with deep thinking and percepticve about the feelings of others and looks like my dp for his first few years now he's like me, DS2 looks just like me and is a little ball of happiness but that balances with drama and dd1 (youngest) looks just like dp and is very funny balanced with very angry. I have no favourite not on any of their best or worst days.
No judgements, just shock.
Tsunami hits which one do you save? See you don;t really have favourites.

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