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Parenting

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Original poster

Do you (secretly) have a favourite child?

83 replies

BEAUTlFUL · 15/05/2008 22:24

I know we're not meant to favour one, but deep-down, do you? And what is it about that child which makes you feel just that tiny bit fonder towards them than the others? And how do you hide it from the other children?

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RosaLuxembourg · 15/05/2008 22:55

I'm really quite fond of all of them most of the time. They are quite happy taking turns to be my favourite.

ingles2 · 15/05/2008 23:01

it goes in phases though doesn't it... depending on who's being particularly gorgeous..
but you're right PP,...

WendyWeber · 15/05/2008 23:04

Exactly, PP - like Sophie's Choice - you'd rather all go together, wouldn't you???

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Tinker · 15/05/2008 23:06

I don't have a favourite but one is certainly a lot easier to lose patience with than the other

hatwoman · 15/05/2008 23:08

i think I buck the trend on the traumatic birth / pnd / bonding thing. and while I love my girls differently I don;t love either more

dd1 - hideous birth, love at first sight (literally), like me in many ways - feel that I know her, love her like my first born

dd2 - easy birth (but perhaps a little frightening - born at home before the midwife/ambulance got to us), found meeting her quite odd, borderline pnd, but fell in love more and more the more I learned about her, I am in awe of her. love her for who she is

sykes · 15/05/2008 23:11

I like/prefer the company of one child more sometimes. But don't love her more. And the next day/week prefer the company of the other. But still love them both the same. A friend of mine asked me - she just has one child and was curiousl - and I really do think, for me, it's about prefering the company - the same way you might do with friends, sometimes.

Ledodgy · 15/05/2008 23:13

OOh Jan is that what happens at the end of Sophie's choice then i've only ever seen clips could never watch the whole film.

I find favvourites bizarre too as I said they are all my favourite for different reasons.

Original poster

BEAUTlFUL · 15/05/2008 23:15

I know my Dad vastly prefers my brother's company to mine. I once (recently) asked my brother, "Why is Dad so tense all the time?" and he replied, "He's not -- it's only when you're here."

I read somewhere that the children who are most like you, annoy you the most.

OP posts:

WendyWeber · 15/05/2008 23:17

I haven't seen the film at all, LeD - just read the book - but yes, that was what her choice was

imaginaryfriend · 15/05/2008 23:20

I only have one dd who I adore so don't have to think about favourites.

When I was growing up my brother was always my mum's favourite and I was always in his shadow. He was chatty, straightforward, practical funny, outgoing with a huge appetite (like her!) On the other hand I was shy, secretive, complicated and a terrible eater (all traits she dislikes to this day in anyone she meets).

The way she loved us both has continued into adulthood and her bond with my brother remains stronger than her bond with me.

I can't help but wish she'd made a bit more effort to get to know me as I feel as though her attitude did knock my confidence a lot as a child. I always felt 'wrong'.

(not suggesting that anyone on here with a 'favourite' is doing this with their kids).

Ledodgy · 15/05/2008 23:21

My dp is a favourite he is one of six (fourth in line) and kept his head down and kept quiet, as the others before him were quite outspoken and this caused lots of rows etc. Because of his placid manner he was/is a favourite but it certainly did him no favours he needed to shout and scream but felt it was best not to.

Ledodgy · 15/05/2008 23:22

That's so good to know Jan I always wondered.

ButterflyMcQueen · 15/05/2008 23:33

ledodgy my favourite is my 4th of 5 soon 6

he is the odd ball! a complete wierdo - not the best looking -not the cleverest- not athletic just funny

he took some 'getting' and had a few 'issues' for a year or so though all ok now

dont know why he is my favourite but oddly a lot of family friends dote on him too. one friend told him he is her favourite child in our town - she is crazy - but there is something about him!

edam · 15/05/2008 23:37

Yup, I have a favourite, but then I'm allowed seeing as he is an only child.

My sister and I were each convinced the other one was our mother's favourite. Which my mother argues shows she was doing a good job!

ButterflyMcQueen · 15/05/2008 23:38

i deffo 'love' them all the same

just get on best with him!

Ledodgy · 15/05/2008 23:44

I do think i'm alot harder on dd (pfb and only girl) mainly because she is so like me and I can see her making the same mistakes I did as a young child with friends etc. I realise I need to step back and let her make them herself but it's so hard!

WendyWeber · 15/05/2008 23:44

BM, I have just realised who you are.

You are an elusive butterfly

colacubes · 15/05/2008 23:47

No faves, both crazy little people who have wonderful qualities. They are treated differently because they are different people, what one needs the other doesn't, I alter some of my parenting for each, but only because it suits that child.

My Mum has a favourite, the middle child, my dad has a favourite, child from his mistress!!

ButterflyMcQueen · 15/05/2008 23:47

and you wendy - you always suss me

Quattrocento · 15/05/2008 23:47

No, not at all. I love them both in different ways because they are different people. DD and I can talk for hours. DS and I can cuddle for hours.

The worry is that DD thinks that I favour her brother - because I tell her off more - but I tell her off more because she is naughtier ...

tortoiseSHELL · 15/05/2008 23:47

Ds1 is because he is my first baby, my oldest one, he is so responsible,and handsome, but then...
dd is because she is my girl, the brightest most beautiful girl I have ever met, but...
ds2 is, because he is so full of laughter and love, and I can't stop kissing his cheeks!

So no, I really really don't have one!

cory · 16/05/2008 08:50

Yup, I do. But it's not the same from day to day.

keevamum · 16/05/2008 08:59

When DD2 was born, I had PND and she was a really hard baby so I definitely favoured DD1 for a while. Now she is so adorable it is hard not to favour her over her stroppy 8 year old sister. But I really don't have a favourite. In that I love them both as much but I do constantly assess how I treat them both. DH says I allow DD2 to get away with a lot more than DD1 ever did, so I am trying really hard to be a bit easier with DD1 and a bit firmer with DD2.

Divvy · 16/05/2008 09:03

My favorite is which ever is not currently a teenager!

Then they are all lovely again after 19 years old!

Rubyrubyruby · 16/05/2008 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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