6 YO with no invites in the holidays

[soldiermay]

I’m overthinking & feeling sad so I feel posting anonymously on the internet & asking strangers for their advice is the only thing for it.

DD is 6 & it’s just come to mind she’s not been invited anywhere with any friends at all this week, & nothing next week. She’s not bothered, she hasn’t mentioned it, I’ve just seen pictures online of other mums meeting up with their kids & feeling sad for DD she hasn’t been asked to do anything.

DD gets on with everyone in her class (according to her teacher) but she doesn’t have a special best pal. She quite often draws pictures & writes cards for different classmates & she’s very thoughtful. She’s in year 1 but does a lot of year 2 work in the class as she’s working at a higher level. I do think she’s older than her years emotionally. Dry humoured. She acts confident but I think she’s quite shy. She certainly acts a lot older than a lot of the kids in the class when I’ve seen them at parties etc & I'm not sure if this is almost a hindrance to her. Or maybe I’m just feeling sad & overthinking everything.

she had a brain injury when she was born & it’s not a well known thing, she’s fine, touch wood, but it’s me who has clearly worried about everything she does or doesn’t do. The irony was I spent the first 18 months depressed wondering if she would hit her milestones but actually she’s smashed education & life in general. A happy kid with an awesome sense of humour. But an old soul for sure.

i suppose my question is to other mums, who may have older kids, is this normal she’s not invited to anything? I have said she could ask a friend over but I don’t think she’s overly interested.

thanks for reading if you got this far

My daughter is in reception and in February I lost my job. Her social circle changed overnight. In my experience most plans are made at the school gates or on the walk home. It's unfortunate but it disadvantages children of parents that work and can't get to pick up. That said most people are away or have plans for most of this holiday. We did have a day trip out and there was only 1 day where everyone was free

playdates just aren’t very common in my neck of the woods, probably largely due to working parents. We had a basketball / play date this morning for my 6yo with 2 friends on his team that I organised, that’s all he has on in the holidays with friends. Ditto my 9yo, he went for a play date with a friend once this holidays and the friend invited him. Although in the case of my eldest there is so much sport that he sees most friends 7 days a week during term, and play dates don’t seem so necessary plus there isn’t time.

If you want your child to have playdates and noone has reached out to you then you just have to do it yourself.

In the age of WhatsApp / Facebook messenger it's never been easier to contact acquaintances. In our parent's day, it would have been much harder as you had to speak irl or call on the phone.

Trust me, if you're feeling sad about it, organising a playdate yourself will make you feel so much better.

If you are bothered make invites yourself to get the ball rolling. As regards Easter end of term hols, I don't recall it being much of a time for play dates etc. Basically, the hols are framed around the Easter weekend. Many people get compulsory time off over Easter so take a holiday or visit family where they can book a shorter number of days off. Also, it's save your leave for summer mentality for others, so kids are in clubs.

What is the relevance of the brain injury - have you kept her away from people because you were worried? If so then you may need to make some effort to show you and DD are up for social invitations.

Do you have any friends with kids or are you friends with any of the kids's mums?

As PPs have said, invite a friend over or suggest doing something together.

Do you not get the bank holidays and weekends off? If you do that’s 8 days when you’re not working. Plenty of time for you to arrange play dates.

If you work FT with one weekly day off, your DD is presumably in childcare throughout school holidays? When/how would you imagine her going on play dates or days out?

I think this is a pretty good take.

That is exactly why I stopped social media. Nothing good about peeping into others lives imo. My now 13 year old DD didn’t get invited at that age (but sees her friends a lot now as slightly older) and my 9yo DD’s friends are all on holiday.

DC gets very few invites despite me doing lots of inviting. To be fair, most of the kids at school have both parents working full-time and when they’re not, the entire family will be away either on holiday or seeing other family. The rest of the time their kids are in camps so they have very little leftover for play dates.

At this age playdates are very much parent-led so if you are not at the school gate then you likely don't know many of the parents.
I have always worked FT. I needed to be proactive if I wanted DS's to have friends over on my days off.

I don't think her brain injury or what level she's working at has any impact on playdates.
It's more likely other parents think your DC is in childcare.

Probably the mums just want to get together. Stop looking at social media. Your child’s happy. Comparison is the thief of joy.

You're over thinking. A lot of families will be working and children with childcare provider(s), be having time away or spending family time together.
Maybe just drop an informal message to her friends parents 'we're going to the park on xx and it would be great if anyone was free to meet up'.

I think my concern is we have invited some friends over for play dates in term time & so far they have not been reciprocated. We also live rurally, no neighbours, so unlike me I grew up on an estate where I’d just go outside & find one of the other kids to play with, no arrangement needed. She hasn’t mentioned anything to me & yes it’s definitely me overthinking, I do that every day of my life.. thanks for all your replies.

I have a DS7 year old.

We haven't really had invites to anywhere any holidays so I don't think it is unusual. The odd meet in the park but mostly the mums and DC friends parents all work full time. DS and his friends spend alot of time away at grandparents or holidays clubs - we do try to coordinate the same weeks at holiday club though so they get time together.

We tend to spend school holidays as family time (like alot of DC's friends).I did things with DS just the two of us. We did see friends in the park etc when out and about but not prearranged.