6 YO with no invites in the holidays

[soldiermay]

I’m overthinking & feeling sad so I feel posting anonymously on the internet & asking strangers for their advice is the only thing for it.

DD is 6 & it’s just come to mind she’s not been invited anywhere with any friends at all this week, & nothing next week. She’s not bothered, she hasn’t mentioned it, I’ve just seen pictures online of other mums meeting up with their kids & feeling sad for DD she hasn’t been asked to do anything.

DD gets on with everyone in her class (according to her teacher) but she doesn’t have a special best pal. She quite often draws pictures & writes cards for different classmates & she’s very thoughtful. She’s in year 1 but does a lot of year 2 work in the class as she’s working at a higher level. I do think she’s older than her years emotionally. Dry humoured. She acts confident but I think she’s quite shy. She certainly acts a lot older than a lot of the kids in the class when I’ve seen them at parties etc & I'm not sure if this is almost a hindrance to her. Or maybe I’m just feeling sad & overthinking everything.

she had a brain injury when she was born & it’s not a well known thing, she’s fine, touch wood, but it’s me who has clearly worried about everything she does or doesn’t do. The irony was I spent the first 18 months depressed wondering if she would hit her milestones but actually she’s smashed education & life in general. A happy kid with an awesome sense of humour. But an old soul for sure.

i suppose my question is to other mums, who may have older kids, is this normal she’s not invited to anything? I have said she could ask a friend over but I don’t think she’s overly interested.

thanks for reading if you got this far

If you haven't invited children to play then you won't be getting invites back.
Lots of people don't enjoy spending time with other people's children so won't invite them. The photos you see on Facebook will be mum friends who are meeting up and taking their children along.
Also some children are less sociable than others, I have one that would see friends every day of the holidays if they could but my eldest would find anything more than a few days with friends too much, and has always been the same.

It's definitely parent-led at that age, if you want playdates you need to organise them. Start inviting friends over more often, it's a great way to help friendships develop. It's tough when you work full time, though.

Where will she be during the school holidays when you're at work?
If she's in some sort of child care she has plenty of company.

Don't worry about it.
As the kids mature people will 'get' her personality/humour more. Arguably educationally it's a good thing she isn't bothered ATM. I understand the worry and wouldn't say your way OTT but are perhaps a bit premature with the concern.
She sounds like a nice well balanced kid👍

It sounds to me like she’s happy to spend time alone, outside of school, as she isn’t even bothered about inviting a friend to her home. It sounds to me like she’s an introvert (like me) and introverts need and enjoy lots of time alone to feel energised. As a child, I was pushed to be “more outgoing”, made to feel there was something wrong with me, which didn’t help at all, in fact it made me feel exhausted in all ways!

If your daughter isn’t upset by not having any invites during the holidays, then leave her to do her own thing. I was a shy introvert as a child and teen but it sounds like your daughter is a confident introvert from the start and when she is seeming shy, she is just running out of her social battery. After socialising all day at school, she probably has had enough people time by then! If she is confident and happy, then It truly think you have nothing to worry about!

At that age kids friends were my friends children. You could go to a playground or beach during the holidays where dd can play alongside other children. Parallel play is as beneficial as regular play at this age. Try not to worry too much, she is still learning as are you x

My kids only had playdates with my friends kids until they were old enough to go unaccompanied. In year 1 a lot of the kids will still be 5 or just 6, so might not be ready to drop of with an unknown adult yet. The kids you see doing things together will most likely be those whose parents get on, and have been doing it since pre-school. It doesn't necessarily mean the kids are closer friends at school then they are with your DD.

I have a 6 yo and would say that it’s completely normal. We never do play dates in the school holidays (or ever to be honest). Don’t overthink it. We’re also too busy trying to juggle work and childcare that any time we have off together is to relax and enjoy each other’s company.

My DD has had three play dates this week and I’ve arranged them all. He has some reciprocal ones for next week. Someone has to make the first move.

At 6 totally normal not to have invites during school holidays as like others have said at that age it's all parent led socialising. If you want to do a play date invite someone over?

My youngest is a social kid, I really make an effort to reach out to parents to meet up, invite them here, etc.

My eldest wasn't really fussed about seeing his class mates out of school, total opposite.

I think it depends what's best for the individual child. If your dd would like to see her classmates in the hols suggest some meet ups, but if she's not bothered breathe a sigh of relief and leave it at that.

Also bear in mind a lot of parents are working during holidays and so only have a few days off for the bank holidays (like me) and those that aren't working may be off for holidays in Tenerife etc.

You need to invite people to your house rather than wait to get invitations.

She is only 6. If you want things to change, you need to become more active in inviting others.

Quite often someone posts on our class WhatsApp saying they are going to the park if anyone wants to join. I’ve found I have to be really proactive or we wouldn’t have anything either. Also I believe it’s healthy if you can to encourage friends outside of school, can your DC start an outside hobby or club, Brownies or similar is a good start.

I wouldn't worry- normal in my experience. I would invite a friend or two round or suggest meeting at the park or something. I found it picked up more aged 8+ when they specifically ask you to invite friends over. At this age i think it's often the mums meeting up and the kids tagging along

So have you invited children over on those days?

It is most definitely a two way street so that’s where I’d start.

Alot of these meet ups in the holidays are instigated by 'mum friends'. My DS is in year 1 and we do see quite a bit of his friends but that's because we arrange it as a group of 'mum friends'. Obviously the kids don't arrange it themselves. My older DS is 12 and tells me who he wants to see and that's that.

My DD is 5 in Reception and has been invited to play twice.

We've had about 8-10 kids over since September. All I ever hear about from the parents that come is about how many other play dates they've all been on with the kids we've invited 🤷‍♀️

So yeah... When you've had Grace, Sophie and Isabel over after inviting them over, It's all about odd when you're sitting chatting to Grace's Dad, about how she went to Sophie's on Tuesday and Isabella's last Thursday... So they're obviously inviting each other to play, but not my DD.

Mums are meeting up with their friends for days out and bringing the kids along - it's not driven by who the kids are friends with.

You could ask a friend to join when you’re off?
encourage it if you wish otherwise you can’t say she hasn’t been invited when perhaps they know you’re working and tbink she’s in childcare?
I’ve work 1 week (3 days), 1 week off in the holidays. Friends all have different work schedules too but we all managed 5 days in amongst one another, different activities and open to all. could start an open chat to see what others are up to?

I miss the 80's way of doing playdates, when parents were not obliged to be friends with each other, and infact had very little to do with their children's friendships.

The being best friends with other Mums "thing" is definitely not for me. It just seems so overly complicated than it needs to be.
I am guessing by your post that you only have one child? That does make quite the difference, as sometimes having multiple children it can be hard to facilitate playdates along with the lesser need as siblings will always have company.

I have three home for the holidays and until I read this it had not occurred to me that they should have playdates for the holidays! Don't think it has occurred to them either... Hope none of their friends are sad they are not invited!

As far what we are doing: the neighbour kids, trips to grandparents, (adult) friends of ours coming over to stay. They are just going to holiday clubs for two out of ten to be honest and I presume they'll socialise there!

I have a 6 year old and a 12 year old and play dates seem to be less of a thing now than they were when my eldest was the same age my youngest is now. We’ve had half a dozen of my youngest friends round, but only one has reciprocated. I do feel quite disheartened by it, and worried for DD, but I do wonder if it’s less common to invite children round to your house now? 🤷‍♀️

My son never had friends at school, I had to go in and ask the teacher for names to invite to his party’s. I think he just wasn’t bothered, but I worried. He’s now 35 with numerous amount of friends so don’t worry too much.