6 YO with no invites in the holidays

[soldiermay]

I’m overthinking & feeling sad so I feel posting anonymously on the internet & asking strangers for their advice is the only thing for it.

DD is 6 & it’s just come to mind she’s not been invited anywhere with any friends at all this week, & nothing next week. She’s not bothered, she hasn’t mentioned it, I’ve just seen pictures online of other mums meeting up with their kids & feeling sad for DD she hasn’t been asked to do anything.

DD gets on with everyone in her class (according to her teacher) but she doesn’t have a special best pal. She quite often draws pictures & writes cards for different classmates & she’s very thoughtful. She’s in year 1 but does a lot of year 2 work in the class as she’s working at a higher level. I do think she’s older than her years emotionally. Dry humoured. She acts confident but I think she’s quite shy. She certainly acts a lot older than a lot of the kids in the class when I’ve seen them at parties etc & I'm not sure if this is almost a hindrance to her. Or maybe I’m just feeling sad & overthinking everything.

she had a brain injury when she was born & it’s not a well known thing, she’s fine, touch wood, but it’s me who has clearly worried about everything she does or doesn’t do. The irony was I spent the first 18 months depressed wondering if she would hit her milestones but actually she’s smashed education & life in general. A happy kid with an awesome sense of humour. But an old soul for sure.

i suppose my question is to other mums, who may have older kids, is this normal she’s not invited to anything? I have said she could ask a friend over but I don’t think she’s overly interested.

thanks for reading if you got this far

Have you invited anyone over?

Why wait for invitations? She will enjoy better friendships if you actively support her socially by instigating things

Yeah it’s totally normal for my 6 year old, she has loads of friends but most of us still work some days even during the holidays and they go to holiday clubs or family or whatever. Play dates just aren’t a massive part of our holidays!

Why do you think people should invite her if you don’t invite others ?

I think at this age get togethers are mainly about parents meeting their friends. So I had set groups of friends I would organise things with.
The other thing to say is if you have just woken up and realised you have no plans you obviously haven’t invited any of her friends over to yours either.
My dd had issues making friends so if I didn’t have plans with my mum friends I used to just head out to the local park. More often than not there would be people there we knew and could join in with.

I think you need to invite a friend over, I personally wouldn't worry to much. If theirs a class wats app is their no group meet ups on their?

As is so often the case the first post nails it.

If you've not invited anyone then why the surprise others haven't either?

The 6 year olds aren't arranging this themselves, parents need to arrange it. Have you arranged anything?

Well there always needs to be an instigator, you can't always wait around for one. I tend to reach out and ask rather than wait, I'm terrible for leaving it to last minute as well and then no one is around.

My children never really did play dates in Primary, they were close in age though so had each other for company.
I think social media gives a skewed view, don’t forget many parents will be working throughout the holidays.
At 6 as long as you are doing fun things with her that’s all that really matters.

We've neither invited anyone or been invited by anyone to do stuff this holiday. It hasn't crossed my mind that this was a problem. People are busy, people are away, people work. Not to mention that the kids are on holiday from school....a break from their usual friends to spend time with siblings/family/other friends.

I think you need to chill out a bit tbh.

Invite her friends around or text and ask to meet up somewhere fun. Don't leave it to everyone else to organise.

My DS is 7 and hasn’t been invited anywhere. By the same token we haven’t invited anyone to ours either. I’m working all through the holidays so it’s not that easy to facilitate and supervise.

On the other hand DD10 has her best friend over this afternoon and for a sleepover. She asked me to arrange it for her and I’ve barely seen them as they’re more independent. I’ve found as she’s got older they tend to settle into friendships a bit more rather than them being more transient.

You need to invite them. That’s the way it worked when mine were young.

then you’ll get (some) reciprocal invites.

Play dates are usually for after school. Most people are too busy with going away and family days out in the school holidays (or have one or both parents working). My youngest is 7 and has loads of friends at school. He’s only recently had his first play date. It’s just not something loads of people do around here. We’re all too busy and I personally have health issues so hosting is not easy. It’s fine when they are 9+, but 6 they still need some supervision and entertainment.

I’ve been burnt on this. I’ve been working and also significantly unwell for the last 10 years so did very few play date’s instigated by me.

I could t help this but it’s very clear its affected my child now as her other friends, with hugely proactive parents, enjoy much fuller social lives than my child.

As well as asking for individual play dates, could you text on the class WhatsApp group something like 'We're going to the park/playground on Wednesday at 10am and would love to see you there!' Or suggest an event that other people can join you at?

Please don't worry about the lack of invitations, OP!

Don't worry about it! She's happy! She's not asking....unless you really want to do playdates I'd give yourself a break because the time will probably come when she will start asking for them! Personally I'm happy if my kids don't want them because I find them hard work depending on age/personality!!

I had to invite people and make a little network. Or join a few activities. Visit family. Just try and make a few things to do. We used to do the e Sun newspaper caravans too.

I agree with other posters. My daughter is 7 and most people are either going away, using holiday clubs as they are still working or simply taking the time to decompress and spend time with family.

If you haven't invited anyone then why would you expect them to invite you? Again I agree with PP - if there's a class WhatsApp group drop a message asking if anyone is up for joining you at the park on X day at Y time. If they are great. If not that's fine too. You and your DD can go and have fun anyway.

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My 6yr old had been to holiday club this week as I’ve been working, next week I’m off for 2 days and have one of her friends for the day, we do a whole day childcare alternate holidays to help the other parent out but that’s the only planned paydate she has as we have been working, some holidays she just goes to holiday club or family and doesn’t see her friends until she’s back at school

You’ve focused quite a lot on how she’s excelling with her work but not really on how she is socially.
If I was thinking about my daughter being invited to a play date I’d be focused on what they are like in their personality because that’s what’s important to other children , not how clever they are.

Being emotionally intelligent, understanding the unsaid social cues and playing well are so important at this age.

And I also agree, at 6 it’s parents meeting up with their friends with children predominantly.

School holidays are very much family time in our house. I'm lucky to get to spend the holidays with my children and we do all sorts together. Since DS started school 3 years ago, we have probably had about 6 playdates. I don't like to encroach on other people's family time and don't often want people encroaching on ours. If your DD isn't fussed then don't worry about it, imo