6 YO with no invites in the holidays

[soldiermay]

I’m overthinking & feeling sad so I feel posting anonymously on the internet & asking strangers for their advice is the only thing for it.

DD is 6 & it’s just come to mind she’s not been invited anywhere with any friends at all this week, & nothing next week. She’s not bothered, she hasn’t mentioned it, I’ve just seen pictures online of other mums meeting up with their kids & feeling sad for DD she hasn’t been asked to do anything.

DD gets on with everyone in her class (according to her teacher) but she doesn’t have a special best pal. She quite often draws pictures & writes cards for different classmates & she’s very thoughtful. She’s in year 1 but does a lot of year 2 work in the class as she’s working at a higher level. I do think she’s older than her years emotionally. Dry humoured. She acts confident but I think she’s quite shy. She certainly acts a lot older than a lot of the kids in the class when I’ve seen them at parties etc & I'm not sure if this is almost a hindrance to her. Or maybe I’m just feeling sad & overthinking everything.

she had a brain injury when she was born & it’s not a well known thing, she’s fine, touch wood, but it’s me who has clearly worried about everything she does or doesn’t do. The irony was I spent the first 18 months depressed wondering if she would hit her milestones but actually she’s smashed education & life in general. A happy kid with an awesome sense of humour. But an old soul for sure.

i suppose my question is to other mums, who may have older kids, is this normal she’s not invited to anything? I have said she could ask a friend over but I don’t think she’s overly interested.

thanks for reading if you got this far

You need to do the social sorting out for her
She's 6
Get the mums numbers and arrange a playmate play Date - aren't uou working ? Book z holiday club for her....she'll love that.

What type of meet ups are they? Formal (arranged in advance) or informal (going to the same playground and then getting ice cream, etc). Do both and the play dates should start to happen.

If you are in an area where kids play between the houses keep a box of craft supplies and some ice creams. We did this and as they got older ours is one of the houses DC and their friends spend a lot of time at when playing out.

Play date invites are a reflection of how much parents can be arsed to arrange them. They aren’t a reflection of how much your child is liked. My 6 year old hasn’t had invites either, but we haven’t invited anyone to ours either so weren’t expecting any.

My son had HIE at birth and has also developed typically - I really identify with your worry about everything for them at every stage 💛

You’ll have to arrange some. You may or may not get return invites

Definitely arrange some play dates . At this age they will be reciprocated usually.

DD is 6 and we've been away on holiday over Easter, and so have most of her schoolfriends. During school holidays when we're not away, I usually have activities planned - booked theatre shows, museum/gallery exhibitions and workshops or holiday camps for fun (not childcare) like a musical theatre or dance crash course. So we rarely do play dates in holidays.

I've found the families who do play dates more are friends as adults, or have onlies so their dcs get lonely, or need childcare swaps due to work, so it's often more out of necessity rather than wanting the kids have a fun afternoon with friends. Personally I certainly find it easier and more satisfying to take my own dcs on day trips than looking after someone else's dc.

My ds1 is reception aged and doesnt get play date invites but I think that’s because I dont know the parents. He seems happy and has enough friends at school which is the main thing. You would like you want the best for your dd and are an over thinker so I wouldn’t worry if she’s happy. Or just invite some children/parents over? I’m glad we don’t as I find other peoples children quite stressful and exhausting. I’ll wait until he can decide who he wants to play with. We also have a 6 month old ds but obviously too little to play yet. I don’t remember having “play dates” as a child. Seems a more recent thing. Or maybe it just wasn’t given such a silly name

I was going to ask this. You need to be proactive with these things. I have practically stalked one of my DCs friends parents.

You have to arrange it for her.

I find the holidays hard for this tbh - people are juggling work, at Easter a lot of people go away so it's not that easy to arrange playdates.

Have you invited anyone? I think at that age it's often if the parents have made friends, that they want to do things together as well.

6 year olds don't organise things... You need to start inviting if you want 'playdates'!

Thank you for the replies. I should have said I work full time, so I’ve had one day off this week & one next week.

We have had a couple of play dates - DD’s friends coming over after school & I completely agree it’s a 2 way street.

Ah, I get the overthinking and torturing yourself OP. I spent a lot of the primarily years agonising about my DS not forging one or two very close friendships. The parents at his primary school were very close knit, so they had mostly grown up together, knew each other and were. Friends etc. We weren’t, and with work and wrap around childcare it was hard to get to know people.

Firstly, she didn’t seem to want to invite anyone over, and she’s not seeing what other people are up to over the holidays on social media, so I’m sure she’s not giving her lack of interaction with friends a moments thought. Just focus on what she is doing in the holidays and make sure you all have some fun.

secondly, like others have said, it’s for parents to do the leg work at this age. Making arrangements with friends who have similar age children and/or organising play dates. That can be hard if you don’t know the parents though. But six year olds don’t do the organising and inviting themselves (especially if, as you suggest, she might be a bit shy or isn’t socially confident).

Lastly, for every parent posting about holiday meet ups, there are probably another few that haven’t. Because they’re at work or myriad of other reasons.

Comparison can indeed be the thief of joy. Maybe give social media a break for the holidays and just enjoy some time with your DD. I had a memory post come up recently from when DS was around that age. Despite all the fun stuff we had planned and done, his favourite day of the holidays was the ‘lazy day’ which for us was a special treat day where everyone could stay in their jammies and watch far too much tv. No other people involved!

The best advice I can give you as a parent to older children, is to be less concerned about what others are doing and concentrate on doing what makes you and your family happy.

I have an 8 & 10 year old and I don’t think we’ve ever had school hol play date. But we and a lot of other parents work full time. Sometimes we arrange for the older one to do the same holiday club as one of their friends.

i wouldn’t worry too much!

I would agree with others it is mainly about what you organise, and to be honest with two of my kids this extended into early secondary school. Obviously by that stage they were doing the choosing who to ask but I was still their social secretary in contacting parents.

I would plan a few more after school play dates in the next half term. Ask people early for holidays. Those who work will already be planning their childcare. One friend had a spreadsheet and would plan their days a few weeks before the holidays. Sometimes you need to accept that other parents won't reciprocate. Some parents will see you as free childcare. You may need to plan to have them from 8.30am.

Also some children need a lot of downtime, one of my dc can only really manage about two social activities in a week. With three children who are really good friends though it was never truly quiet and they didn't need external friends in quite the same way.

It's most likely that the mums are friends and meeting up with the kids, rather than being driven by the kids.

So is your DD at holiday clubs or in childcare over the holiday? Very few people would want a random child spending a whole day with them during the holidays. Most meet ups would be for an hour or so with a parent present at that age. It's tricky if the child is in childcare as you can't whisk them out for a couple of hours

At 6, kids don’t tend to invite the kids they like at school over for the day during the holidays. Parents invite the kids where they have an understanding of availability and, normally, some expectation of reciprocation.

It doesn’t mean anything about how well liked your DC is at school and your DD isn’t going to be socially handicapped not having invites. It’s about your network with other parents. If you normally use holiday clubs your DC is likely to do just as well socially there (possibly better!).

Oh. My 6-year-old hasn’t had any invites either but I hadn’t really thought about it until this post. I assume it’s because most parents are working full time … I am!

We are in the same boat. I have a few friends and arrange play dates with them but most of them travel during the holidays. I’ve tried arranging play dates with other mums but they are either flakey or don’t like us enough so it never materialises.

I don’t bother making the effort anymore and we are fine on our own.

Lots of families are still working. I find play dates a pain in the arse tbh. It ties you to the house so I’m more likely to do a last minute invite.

What would you have wanted to happen given you’re working? Presumably you’re doing something together on the days you’re off.

At the end of term I know roughly which of our friends are away or using holiday camps etc and let them know when we’re free and then someone sends a message suggesting a time and a date, whether they want to get out or to host and it goes from there.

So you work full time and are having a couple of days off and haven't invited anyone yourself. Most others work too. I used to find it isn't during holidays that there would be play dates but after school as during holidays kids were often away, in childcare settings or with relatives.

Be proactive tmand invite someone for your day off and you may find the offer is reciprocated.