To not put child in nursery/childcare until 3

[Chattycatt]

I’m in the fortunate position to not have to return to work when my maternity leave ends. I’m an older mum and built my career, it will be tight but totally doable. My question is, is it actually the best thing for my child? Will she miss out on activities or development skills if she doesn’t go to nursery until she’s 2.5/3 years? I don’t have any other kids and probably won’t but everyone I know has put the child in nursery at 9 months and returned to work

I’ve worked in childcare and unless the parents need/want to work, child has special needs or some other pressing reason to go then I wouldn’t choose to put them into nursery before they’re 3. They don’t really benefit from it until then imo.

I didn't put mine in until she got her funded preschool nursery place at age 3, the nursery was attached to the school and did the school transition preparation with them so that's why she went. I was a SAHM until she went to school and we did various mums and toddlers/library rhyme time/tumble tots type groups before that so she could socialise with children her own age.

With my first 3 I didn't put them into nursery before 3 because they all had additional needs and would have needed 1-1 support and the nursery's I spoke to couldn't provide the care needed.
Now my 4th who is 2 I'm considering putting him into nursery because he does not have any additional needs and I think he will thrive in a nursery setting.

If they're an only dc they might want others to play with. Of course you can go to playgroups for that instead though.

All My 4 went to preschool only the year before they went to school. It won't make any difference. Probably be better if she is with you.

My little boy will not be going to nursery until he’s 3. He goes to various toddler classes and groups most days of the week and does loads of activities so I don’t feel that he’s missing out on anything. As long as they’re given other opportunities to socialise with other children, I don’t think nursery is necessary for very young children unless their parents need them to go because they work.

Mine older one started two mornings a week from 3.5 when the free hours came through and did that for a year till she started nursery.

She loved it, it was enough to get used to being away from me, to bond with her nursery teachers, eat meals away from home, all that stuff, and she bounded into school for Reception and adored it. Around the nursery mornings she attended a playgroup I was running and having play dates. But she was one when lockdown hit so she didn’t see anyone for ages and it didn’t have a longterm impact.

The whole landscape of childcare has changed now as with funding model has changed but I think we’ll do the same with DS when he’s 3 (if we can afford it with whatever the current top up costs are!). Until then he’s thriving at home and we have more friends with similar aged kids who he spends time with.

I think some time in nursery the year before school is sensible to get them used to it but it’s not essential. From 3 there are thought to be benefits. Will you go to playgroups?

My DC didn’t go to nursery till they were 3 and a half. We did lots of activities eg baking, drawing, painting, jigsaws etc and read lots of books. We went out and we had play dates.They both settled into nursery very quickly - I didn’t even stay for the obligatory morning for either of them. And they both did very well academically.

As a nursery manager, as long as you’re out and about socialising with other kids, I wouldn’t bother sending them until after 2.5/3 if I didn’t have to.

And of course lots of independent play, activities with you, craft, play dough, park, gardening, baking etc etc at home.

I think it depends if you are doing plenty of social stuff with other young children. It's quite late to start socialising at 3 so I would make sure you go to plenty of groups, meet up with friends, let DD be taken care of by grandparents etc etc.

It can be harder the older they are to start nursery if they have no experience of: being left with others/ being in a noisy environment /how to interract with other children/ how to follow instructions from other adults.

This article below helped me decide! I found it balanced and specific. As it says, only read it if you have choices otherwise there’s unnecessary guilt. I’m saying this for casual readers rather than OP who has choices.

I kept my eldest home until 2 then sent them very part time to a non-private preschool until 3 years old (they did 9 hours a week for a few months in the mornings only, then we slowly added a couple more hours etc) They only ever did mornings until 3 years old. Then at 3 we went full time 9-3 at a term-time only preschool so loads of holidays, half terms, 7 weeks in the summer etc. Half days would have been better from
a childs perspective but I was desperate for some proper time alone to work and slightly
losing my mind.

I plan to do the same with my youngest. My child didn’t get much out of preschool at 2 but adored it by 2 and a half. I think they were ready at that stage to move beyond parallel play, learn from teachers etc

https://criticalscience.medium.com/on-the-science-of-daycare-4d1ab4c2efb4

I'm a SAHM and won't be returning to work anytime soon. We pay for our DS, age 2, to attend just one morning session a week at nursery. I have found it very beneficial for him, he is happy going in independently, has made friends, and I'm a lot more confident about him attending school now.

We kept my son at home until he was eligible for his free hours. I always felt he was better off at home before that

I wouldn't - unless you need a break yourself. Under 3 they aren't so interested in playing with others the same age - although older kids can be good.

My children went to a small drop off community playgroup at 2 or 2.5 a couple of mornings a week which might be an in-between option? I don't think they are missing out with no nursery.

My first was shy and very dependent on me and had severe milk/egg allergies. He went at 3, as this felt right for him.

My second is an independent extrovert with no allergies and I'm planning to send her when she turns 2 (she's 1.5 now) if she can talk relatively well. I'd personally be uncomfortable sending a child who couldn't talk.

However, I'm in the very fortunate position of being able to WFH evenings and weekends, so I don't require childcare.

There's no real benefit (but no real harm if the nursery is decent) before 2.5/3.

If you can manage that, it is the best model for children.

I couldn’t as I had to return to work after my 12 months mat leave plus one more month of accrued holiday so I chose a childminder to get that home environment.

I wouldn't, my daughter started at 9 months old and has been on 5 x antibiotics, a 5 day hospital stay and countless other illnesses that have kept us awake for nearly a year. She does love it but she also loves going to play cafes etc and it's basically the same thing. If I had the chance to do what you're doing I absolutely would, it's expensive and you spend most of your time picking them up due to illness x

My oldest and middle child both started pre school in the September before they turned three. They are Nov and Dec babies so got two full years at pre school before starting school. They only did the 15 funded hours when qualified for funding, and just 6 hours a week before they got their funding.

I returned to work when my middle child was towards end of his last year at nursery and my youngest had just turned 2. My youngest started at nursery 3 full days a week and my middle increased his hours to 4 full days.

I work in a pre school as a early years teacher and I can honestly say unless you need it for childcare, 3 years old is absolutely fine for starting nursery.

Having worked in childcare settings for several years with babies/children, I wouldn't personally put my own dc in aprivate nursery at 9 months unless I had to. The activities are usually limited and you could and probably will do more with your dc at home than they would do in a nursery. I have 3 dc.

I felt the same as you op, I worried about keeping them home until 3, but we did lots of groups together!
My health visitor at the time reassured me by saying, the government funding starts from three, as by three most children are ready for nursery, up until then, as long as you socialise them then I’d say it’s fine! Don’t feel guilty!

I think it depends on lots of factors, my 16 month old LOVES nursery. Picked up lots of skills, is happy and healthy, loves playing with other kids.

I had no choice but to work, but honestly I think it was best for me. If I was still at home I'd have multiple groups booked every day 😅. Up until about 7 months I was horrified by the thought of leaving him at a nursery, then I swear the terrible twos hit at 12 months. Tantrums, climbing EVERYWHERE, constantly trying to stop him killing himself, insisting on repeats of the same 2 nursery rhymes all day long. I even have parents at the groups we go to on my days off tell me how mischievous and an impressive climber he is 🙈. He isn't a sit and read or bake or do crafts kind of toddler. He's a run around outside climbing on everything, emptying all cupboards screaming until he drops kind of child.

I am a better parent when I am with him, for having the break of going to work and socialising with adults as me rather than mum. Others don't need that and love being at home with them.

You just got to find the right balance for you and your baby.

My DS absolutely loves nursery. He started at 13 months. He developed firm friends by the time he was 2 and talks about them at home all the time. I don't think that could happen with drop in playgroups. He also developed so many skills and has such a variety of experiences like fire engines visiting and musicians and animals coming in. Saying that, I think full time is too much if there's a choice as he gets tired.

It's very dependent on the child and their personality. We also go to groups the days I have him and you can tell the kids that don't go to nursery I'm afraid. They don't know about taking turns and don't look to play with the other children. Not saying that's wrong but it is noticeable. My DS is always trying to start games and interact with them and they don't respond the way the other nursery kids do.

This is exactly the same as my toddler! Exactly! Nursery was an absolute Godsend and he gets the stimulation he craves. They even have trees for him to climb haha