To not put child in nursery/childcare until 3

[Chattycatt]

I’m in the fortunate position to not have to return to work when my maternity leave ends. I’m an older mum and built my career, it will be tight but totally doable. My question is, is it actually the best thing for my child? Will she miss out on activities or development skills if she doesn’t go to nursery until she’s 2.5/3 years? I don’t have any other kids and probably won’t but everyone I know has put the child in nursery at 9 months and returned to work

Do toddler groups and playdates, enjoy the time together. I'd only suggest putting them in nursery to give yourself a break or if you don't plan on doing anything mentally stimulating at home and don't plan on going out much with them. Nursery for a baby is definitely not an advantage, and the research shows that children are best with a primary caregiver until 3 years (although from personal experience mine loved going around 2 years old, but they just did two mornings a week). Also adding re the sickness thing, mine BF til around 18 months, and also hasn't been sick except for colds. The preschool they went to doesn't take babies and kids don't really get sick there so I can't help thinking that being at home for longer has something to do with it too).

If it wasn't necessary, I think it's the best decision. You can make sure you do lots of activities with them and socialise in other ways. I would never have sent mine before 3 as I wanted them to be able to talk to me about what happened there and how they felt about it.

You should also gauge it on how you feel and your child, I also thought I'd wait until 3 but I had no support so really needed the break by 2 years, and my DC was a very curious child and really enjoyed the preschool/nursery visits so I decided to start earlier (but only did two mornings) and built it up from there. Now at 3.5 they do 4 days, 9-3

For me it would be how much you want to get back to work once they're in school. If you're an older mum you'll be hitting age discrimination as well as sex discrimination when wanting to get back into it. A career break on top of that is very tricky.

Three years isn't really a career break though. If the three years is an issue, do a small qualification by distance learning to enhance your qualifications in the middle of it, or something.

Ditto.

Honestly, I know far more people asking the opposite question and feeling guilt about that.

Three years can be a huge issue in some careers. If I'd taken three years out, it would have destroyed my career and future earning potential, potentially unrecoverably. Even 9/10 months of mat leave has had an impact which is still felt.

Same. 3 years would have killed my career dead especially if nearer 40 than 30. It doesn't matter how skilled or how senior you are. My teacher friends seem to be able to take years off and slot right back but it's not something that most professions would allow for.

I think it really depends on the child. As a PP stated in regards to a child with needs. I put my daughter in at 18 months a day a week, she has a developmental delay and I found it benefited her due to the staff support and also being around the other children to help with her development. Her brother I haven't rushed with as it wouldn't benefit him in the same way so there isn't a need, I can work from home at night atm so I'm in a lucky position of it not being urgent.

I really think it depends on the family/children and what is great for one won't be for another. I think you will have to trust your gut on this one, not any one else's opinions who don't know your child or circumstances.

I know it may be too personal to say here but, if you don't mind sharing, what is your profession area? I know some nurse friends have had to do a few hours a year to keep registration.

I'm keeping my LO at home until he turns 3. I personally think if you're in a position to start nursery at 3 then do it. So many people eye roll me when they ask and I say, but I'm doing what's best for my LO and also, you'll never get the years back, enjoy it OP x

We had a dc with speech difficulties and our speech therapist specifically told us to keep him at home until three and not to put him into nursery as she said speech development is optimum where a child cared for 1:1. We took him to lots of groups etc. We did the same for our youngest who didn’t have the same issues and it worked really well for him too.

I'm a doctor. Maintaining GMC registration requires annual appraisals which include minimum levels of clinical work and additional CPD and 5 yearly revalidation cycles. That side of things would be manageable with locuming and some creativity, though. The real issue is that it would take years, potentially never achieving it, to get back to being a competitive candidate for another consultant-level post (especially true in some specialities) and the other bits of my career that are important for it (research, medicolegal, non-NHS work) wouldn't have survived my being away from them for that long. Best case scenario with a multi-year period of time off would have been about 5-10 years of rebuilding, with the effects of that being felt on salary, pension, geographic options, etc. That would limit the options available for DC more than 3 days of childcare with a good quality provider in our family's circumstances. I also know people in other careers who have had to consider similar things.

It’s often the same with law if you want to be a partner according to a friend who is trying for that now @Scirocco. She has spent years building up clients and if she went on mat leave for three years that would all fall apart as they would have gone to other people and she would have to start building again from scratch.

Yeah, you pretty much start from the beginning, against candidates who have more up to date connections, experience and achievements.

My 2 DS’s didn’t go until the term after they turned 3, both hated nursery but we persevered to get them ready for school, they both only attended 2 sessions each week, they did make friends which helped when they started school, I took them to playgroups and gym type classes and had friends relatives to play with regularly. Some children thrive and love going, so depends on each child.

My DC goes to nursery, they're always outside! Each room has own outdoor play area, door is left open so they can go in and out and will. They have lots of toys and play equipment. Going to nursery isn't necessarily sitting in a classroom.

That's understandable. Things will be very fast changing I'm sure, so it's essential to keep up and keep those skills fresh. All the doctors I've known were men whose wives stayed home, so I suppose not something they had to consider.

I didn't with any of mine..other than a brief 3 months full time with a childminder for the short period I returned to work after having him.

All of them settled Into school nursery at 3 absolutely fine and they're all great kids. I didn't heed to send them, other than for that short time with the one, so I didn't see the point in paying someone else to look after my children while I missed out!

What about your maternity pay? I think you need to come back to work for at least 3 months to avoid having to pay your maternity pay back.

You'd have thought this would show speech issues getting better after COVID but the panorama doc reporter they've got worse with children who are now 4-6 (would have been babies/toddlers) who did attend childcare during lockdown being far better off.

I don’t think children need Nursery or early years education or any care away from the people they are attached to before 3. My DP and I worked opposite days to avoid having to use this type of childcare - we took them to toddler groups where they could interact with other children. They were ready for pre-school playgroup every morning at 3 and benefitted from it.

This is a really interesting point @Oldmothershrubboard. I guess it’s not the same situation as 1:1 childcare out of lockdown though? So eg I went to loads of groups with dc and spent a lot of time with family, also play dates with other toddlers etc.

DH and I are in the fortunate position that we work opposite shifts so don't need childcare for our DC. We didn't put our DD in nursery until she qualified for funded hours at 3, and we will do the same for our DS when he qualifies in September.