Tell me truthfully what do your days look like with 2 and 4 year old

[oustedbymymate]

Honestly I can't decide if I'm just a shot parent or this is the reality with young kids.

We have two boys. 2 and 4. Lovely but full on boisterous. All what I feel is 'usual' tantrums emotions etc. Can be very funny loving and kind.

However I just feel like every day is a battle. It's just not enjoyable at the minute. Is this just the reality?

DH does his fair share. For context we both work full time (can't afford not to) youngest at nursery oldest at school. Both go to wrap around.

Mon to Fri our day looks like this
6.30 DH and I get up get dressed breakfast get kids breakfast out etc.

7am get kids up. Breakfast and dressed. This is a daily battle. Asking a million times to get dressed put clothes in fighting to get clothes on

7.30 I leave for work

7.45 DH leaves and drops kids at nursery and school

8-5 I work 9-5 DH work.

5.30pm I pick oldest DH picks youngest up

6-7pm supper (they have 'tea' at nursery and school' homework wind down play (battle re eating and not causing chaos)

7-7.45 - battle with bath time and bed time. Read stories settle to bed

8-9 DH and I cook and have tea.

9- 9.30 try to do some sort of exercise or watch tv

9.30 -10 prep for following day make lunches pack bags etc

10 - bed.

Repeat.

Weekend we go out go the park etc but it's still a battle and constant moaning or arguing and basically having a shit time.

Is this just the reality?

We have zero additional support. It's just us.

You’re in the trenches! Every year gets better and better ime, at 2 and 4 they’re both babies really, once you have both at school there should be a marked difference.

it’s a hard hard slog. You’re doing brilliantly.

Oh and I spent YEARS doing fun stuff for everyone that seemed to end up in hideous grumps and tears.

I told DH it was just as well they were our children because if there were his id be questioning his parenting skills 😂

Yes it’s very hard, we have a 4 and 1 year old and no support either. I would say though that you’re adding in extra work for yourselves in the evenings. You're battling with your DC about food 6-7 and then cooking and eating yourselves for an hour later. Why don’t you cook something and all eat together 6-7, it’d be good family time and maybe less battles if you’re all eating the same thing together, sitting at the table and talking about your day, and then you’ll have an hour extra free in the evening.

I have a 2 year old and am pregnant with#2. Every fucking thing is a battle. He's so emotional. He's ill. He's teething. He's just a baby. He's going to have his world turned upside down. My friend was here with her 4.5 year old and oh my goodness, the constant bids for attention! I did think "oh no what have I done?!" 😅

Your days look very full on. Do you have any time to just play/connect with them? Any 121 time?

Your day seems pretty similar to ours, although we leave for work a little later.

Can you WFH at all? I find my days at home give some much needed breathing space where I can take 20 minutes to eat breakfast peacefully after school drop off, do some exercise at lunchtime, get a couple of loads of washing done etc.

Neither of our jobs permit working from home.

We get in the door at 5.45-5.50 so we don't really have time to cook for us as well as get the kids sorted and food for kids as they don't want full meals. Additionally they are crying/whinging/fighting/ needing attention I literally cannot get 20 mins to cook for us. That's why we do it when they are in bed. I would love to eat earlier. I find it annoying eating so late.

I'm just hating it at the minute. I don't feel like I have any quality time with my kids and it breaks my heart that I'm at breaking point daily.

Mine are older than yours now, but I’d say, yes, this is pretty typical (also hate to say it, but it doesn’t change massively as they get older, except that you get less of your evenings).

The big difference for us I would say is that we never did two dinners. We ate the same thing at the same time. As we didn’t get home til 5:30pm and it takes probably an hour to get sorted and cook dinner, we ate probably 6:3-7:30. But that’s all of us done. Then bed and bath. Dh would do older one and I would do younger one. There was no exercise or tv in the evenings, only tidying and finishing up work for the next day and to bed 10pm ish.

I think the cutting out sorting 2 lots of food would make a big difference. I cooked a proper hot meal for all of us, only once, kids still had hot food (plus food at nursery/after school) and we had a nice meal, not a kids meal. With leftovers for lunch the next day.

You're all exhausted. You're seeing them at their worst when they've had a really long day and are struggling to regulate. And then at the weekends there's a lot of pressure to have fun but they are probably still feeling a bit disconnected and can't articulate it. It will get easier as they get older, as the only other thing that would make a big difference is a job change that allows one or both of you to spend more time with them.

Haha it's not just you! I have a 5 & 2 year old and I feel very much the same as you constant fighting, arguing and moaning. All day yesterday we were in all day it felt like the longest day ever they wouldn't be entertained for long enough until the next argument broke out. I have no advice only sympathy it's just a phase I suppose! X

That sounds tough op. If it’s any consolation, I was at my wits end and I felt no enjoyment being a parent when my dc was aged 3/4 because it was so difficult dealing with the behaviour/boundary testing. It does get better. My dc started getting easier from age 5 onwards. He’s now 6, and all in all, I can’t complain as he’s become quite lovely and getting out of the house is a breeze now.

Any chance of you both dropping half a day/a day?

dont believe the quality time shit- much of life is just getting through the day. Have I enjoyed today so far- couple of funny moments at the park, we sang in the car. But I’ve also broke up fights, cleaned, watched them trash my clean house, pack swimming bags, gone to the shops. It’s life! It’s drudgery.
i would say at the weekend if you don’t, take it in turns to take them out so you get down time alone each.

Pretty much like yours…. 😂

had planned to work 3-4 days but with CoL I’m working 5 still. It’s exhausting

I agree with this.
Mine are 4 and 1 and it's really hard.

But doing dinner twice is definitely making your life harder.

Suggested new evening routine:
5.30 each parent picks up one child
6-6.20 Parent 1 plays with both kids in the garden or nearby playground. As much running and jumping and climbing as possible. Same time: Parent 2 cooks dinner for everyone. Kids can have a smaller portion.
6.25-6.45 everyone eats
6.45-7.15 bath and pyjamas
7.15 each parent gets one child ready for bed each.
Older child does his phonics in his pyjamas with parent 1, then settles to sleep.
Parent 2 settles younger child and then does the washing up.

8.15pm kids are in bed, everyone's had dinner, washing up is done.

You can alternate the roles, but basically that's what we do.

Dh and I alternate who cooks dinner vs who plays with the kids. I admit, some TV is often had. It depends how much energy they seem to need to burn off by 6pm (depends what they did at school/nursery, whether we walked home or drove etc).

We also are batch cooking champions, leave something defrosting on the side when you leave for work in the morning.

At the end of the day, they're "battling" you because they want to play with you and/or they're tired. So play with them before dinner, then put them to bed earlier.

And on very difficult evenings, skip the bath

They sound tired.

https://www.gosh.nhs.uk/conditions-and-treatments/procedures-and-treatments/sleep-hygiene-children/

Drop the school home work. Adults wouldn’t be doing work in the 30 mins before they go to sleep.

Could you meal prep so that when you get home all you have to do is get your prepared meal out of the fridge or freezer?

We can't change jobs. We literally can't afford it. Additionally it's just not that simple is it. Where are the jobs that you work 9-3 and still bring home a wage that you can actually live on? Where are those jobs? I would gladly apply for one but I have never seen one. I need to earn £30k minimum in order for us to pay our bills.

I try and do slow cooker tea a few times a week so it's ready when we get home.

We don't exercises every night. Maybe 2/3 times a week but I neee to do something to keep my sanity and have some downtime. Often it's spent doing life admin or more stuff for the kids

I know k sound defeatist. And I will try some of the suggestions but I have found when I've tried eating together I don't actually eat. I spend my time telling them to sit back at the table stop messing and cajoling them to eat and then my dinner is cold.

I just find everything is a battle and stress.

I could try and drop the homework but then how am I supporting my child at school? He's under SALT so feel it's important to help.

We can't afford to reduce our hours any more. We have £67 left at end of month. We don't drive flash cars live in a big house have holidays abroad or gym membership etc. money is literally that tight.

I have a 1 and a 3 year old and we also cook a family tea really really quickly. Elder child gets 15 mins of TV and one parent keeps an eye on both while the other cooks (often me on a weekday as I'm quicker). Normally we've batch cooked so it's just a case of warming up something, or I can get pasta with a sauce or a stir fry with noodles on the table in 20 minutes. There are some short cuts in that case like pre chopped veg. We have a rice cooker with a timer as well so that can go on before we leave in the morning. It's all quite rushed but it means we can have a nice family tea and the kids are both in bed by 7:30ish so we get an evening.

Oh, and we don't cajole them to eat - if they've had tea at nursery then they don't necessarily need it, so if they're not hungry we don't push it. We insist on sitting at the table, but they can get down if they think they are finished. Then they know when we've finished it's bathtime.

How much does childcare cost though? Would you loose money if they didn’t need childcare paid for 2 days?( ie if you and dh both did 4 days)

We have 4 year old. We all eat together at 6.30pm as I couldn’t face dinner so late. My Ds also gets up really early so he sleeps 8.30-6am max, so an extra hour together each morning before morning.

I often give Ds raw veg and some cheese cubes as a pre dinner snack. He’s terrible at eating dinner anyway, so I figure he’s eaten his veggies then and don’t worry at dinner. So he eats those around 6pm whilst I’m prepping dinner. And he watches tv so he’s occupied. Could you let them both watch tv when your back with healthy snack so dinner is more relaxed?

Also maybe get kids up earlier? I struggle getting Ds up, ready and out in 30mins as it’s all rushed. Waking at 6.30am gives them and you 30 extra minutes to allow them to wake slowly

Similar ages here. DH does work from home but it’s still a nightmare. DH does a lot of the chores during the day but tbh he doesn’t have the time with work.
5-530am youngest wakes up, I change his nappy and take him downstairs to watch something mindless.
6-630am oldest wakes up, DH comes downstairs if he hasn’t already
630-7 I get ready for work (DH WFH) and DH starts getting them dressed.
730 I take them to nursery
8-430 work.
445 collect children from nursery.
5-6pm family time including snack (also eat at nursery)
6pm bath.
7pm youngest bedtime
715pm fight with eldest until he eventually goes to bed around 8pm.
8pm DH and I eat.
9pm bed

I spend my time telling them to sit back at the table stop messing and cajoling them to eat and then my dinner is cold.

I wonder if your dinner takes too long. And your kids need more exercise before it.

Get dh to play boisterously with the kids just before dinner. Limit the actual sitting bit of dinner to 15-20mins. If they're hungry, they'll eat quickly and it's done. If they're not hungry, no point nagging them to eat