Tell me truthfully what do your days look like with 2 and 4 year old

[oustedbymymate]

Honestly I can't decide if I'm just a shot parent or this is the reality with young kids.

We have two boys. 2 and 4. Lovely but full on boisterous. All what I feel is 'usual' tantrums emotions etc. Can be very funny loving and kind.

However I just feel like every day is a battle. It's just not enjoyable at the minute. Is this just the reality?

DH does his fair share. For context we both work full time (can't afford not to) youngest at nursery oldest at school. Both go to wrap around.

Mon to Fri our day looks like this
6.30 DH and I get up get dressed breakfast get kids breakfast out etc.

7am get kids up. Breakfast and dressed. This is a daily battle. Asking a million times to get dressed put clothes in fighting to get clothes on

7.30 I leave for work

7.45 DH leaves and drops kids at nursery and school

8-5 I work 9-5 DH work.

5.30pm I pick oldest DH picks youngest up

6-7pm supper (they have 'tea' at nursery and school' homework wind down play (battle re eating and not causing chaos)

7-7.45 - battle with bath time and bed time. Read stories settle to bed

8-9 DH and I cook and have tea.

9- 9.30 try to do some sort of exercise or watch tv

9.30 -10 prep for following day make lunches pack bags etc

10 - bed.

Repeat.

Weekend we go out go the park etc but it's still a battle and constant moaning or arguing and basically having a shit time.

Is this just the reality?

We have zero additional support. It's just us.

What about dropping term time working and using a childminder? One drop off and pick up, home environment for the kids ans shorter days for them.

You only wake up an hour before you need to leave, that’s bound to be stressful. Why are you cooking every night? Have some pre made things ready in freezer so you just need to cook rice/pasta and veg. 2 and 4 year olds have homework?

@Carseathelp childminder that offers school holidays only and we can afford for both kids (looking around £20 an hour £10 per kid) is rare. 9 hours a day £180 a day £900 a week!

To clarify as I think I've posted when stressed to the maximum the 6-7 hour isn't always homework. We do often try to play eg magnetic tiles colouring playdoh games etc in that's time too.

It feels as if I have one hour a day to cook tea, give supper to kids, play with kids, have downtime with kids and start bedtime routine which feels pushed.

I get the kids are tired but I can't see what options working parents have.

Not every job is flexible/WFH.

@littleluncheon sorry I can't see how a childminder would be less demanding? They are still in childcare whether it's at school or a childminder. A childminder for me just adds someone else in the mix I need to organise

Have taken on board the suggestions re food.

Spoke with DH and we're going to try more simple meals (not that we eat that extravagantly!) say 10 on a rotation over two weeks, leaving weekends free. That way we can get in and get tea going and have time with the kids and kids eat supper with us.

A good point was made about removing the pressure from the kids to eat and trying to enjoy that time as a family.

I meant work normal 9 to 5 and use childminder for before and after school for 5 year old, childcare all day for the 2 year old and look after them durring the holidays.

Varies by person but mine was:
Both moving jobs to get more flexibility even though it came with a pay cut
Changing working hours around to work out what worked for us (check actual take home including child benefit to make sure this works)
Dropping standards for things like hoovering and home cooked meals
Getting more comfortable with mutual favours
Paying my way out of some problems
Accepting that I couldn't do it all and being conscious on what I prioritised

From what you've said most of these are worth a try but others may work better in your circumstances.

It's just large group setting are very stimulating and demanding on children, it's long days and very busy, lots of kids and adults coming and going.
Some children just find it easier to have more downtime in a quieter, less busy environment where they can chill a bit more at the end of the day.

No adult would work 50 hours a week in a nursery setting, it would be too much. We forget that it's a lot for children to cope with too.

I read somewhere that the only way to get past over tired toddlers was to put them to bed earlier. Everything used to tell me to wait until 7pm and not before as I wanted them to wake up later. Started putting them down at 6/6.30pm when I could see over tiredness and they wake up exactly the same time but less tired as they’ve had the extra sleep at the start of the night. Over tiredness is the single biggest contributing factor to bad behaviour, tantrums and not eating.

Can you afford to do breakfast club? We’re not at school yet, but we have always done breakfast at nursery and plan to do breakfast club too. It saves a lot of faffing in the morning and weekday breakfasts are rarely quality time!! I cook whilst my husband does bedtime, so that saves a bit of time. We pack a nursery bag for the week, would you be able to do that? Then just a separate PE bag for your school child. That would save packing bags every night. We do washing overnight and then hang up either in the morning or before bed. Everything that can be scheduled with repeat deliveries is (cleaning stuff, pet stuff, toiletries), food is online or picked up from the shops on the way home. We also have a cleaner once a week, I know you might not be able to stretch to that, but we do no proper cleaning (apart from general kitchen wipe down after dinner), so weekends are completely free.

Big hugs OP. Could you free up one Sunday a month and batch cook? I normally do a tomato (with loads of veg blended up and hidden) sauce that I can use as a base for bolognese (I just add mushrooms) and chilli con carne (Add kidney beans and spices when cooking). Also I will make a big cottage pie and freeze portions, chicken curry, mash potato if I have time. These days, we get Gousto for me and DH and choose a lot of the 20-30 min recipes, DD I food shop for but has reduced our cooking time/expense/food waste immensely. Xx

We do do breakfast club for the oldest but he often wants something at home. The youngest we can't get to nursery in time for breakfast club as we have to drop oldest first. Nursery breakfast club is 7.30-8 and he doesn't get dropped until 8.30 as oldest gets dropped first at 8.15 and then youngest to nursery

Yes good idea re nursery bag. I just worry about a weeks worth of soiled/dirty clothes

I need to get better at online shopping it's just finding the time hut I can see how this will help so will try

They just give us the bag of any soiled clothes at the end of the day (usually in a nappy sack), so they don’t fester in the bag. We used to put about 6 changes of clothes in there just in case. Now they’re three and have finally stopped having accidents so the bag has been untouched for months now!!

That’s annoying regarding the breakfast club, our cut off for breakfast is 0845 so it’s a lot easier.

Online shopping is an excellent shout. I really rated ocado for the instant shop feature. Also lets you enter lists then you just click on the week 1 sandwiches or week 3 dinners list and it's in the basket.

Just a quick note that it gets better. Ours are 5 and almost 3 and the difference in the last 3 months has been lifechanging. It is brutal with toddlers, hold in there.

I think to an extent yes things are very hard with two young kids especially if you both work full time. I worked part time when mine were that young and the working days were very full on, but then again my ‘days off’ with them were often just as hard.

But, your routine does sound quite stressful to me. I’d batch cook at the weekend. I’d also drop the homework personally or do it at the weekend if your child really needs it. Alternate who is spending time with them (playing) and cleaning/sorting stuff out. Why is eating a battle? They’ve had tea so just give them a quick snack you know they like. Bath every other night. Alternate separate bedtimes to get some quality 1-1 time with each of them.

It's a lot isn't it.

To avoid morning battles, I put on bluey, sit my 4 year old on my lap and talk about what's happening in the episode whilst I dress them myself including shoes. They don't even know it's happening until it's done 😂

At the weekends I encourage them to dress themselves to learn the skills etc etc but weekdays are not for cajoling.

I don't ask my 4 year old to do anything in the morning, I do it for them whilst they're distracted. It means the morning starts off calmly and sets the tone for the day.

Also, get some loop earplugs. They're a game changer.

This is quite sad to read as many with older children would love theirs to be this age again - sorry if that isn’t helpful but don’t miss out on your children at this precious stage. Hopefully things will improve as the daylight hours lengthen. Get through hard week days (live on quick meals like pasta, jacket potatoes, salads - it’s just food) and enjoy family weekends doing cheap enjoyable things like walks and bike rides, the children will enjoy being at home with you. Good luck

we used to all be tired on a Saturday morning after a week of work school and nursery so would try and just have a lazy morning - kids tv on, drinking coffee on the sofa. The kids were pleased to have some time with their toys and watch some rubbish on tv. This refreshed us all for the rest of the weekend instead of dragging out tired grotty kids to the park. And I agree about 1 dinner.

It’s exhausting and you need to be on top of it!!! It’s a matter of rotating active and passive activities and also making sure there’s something in it for you.

my tips: these made my life so much easier once I cottoned on:

1. change activities every 45 minutes but make sure that you alternate one that benefits you. So I’d maybe play some Lego with them then get the to play under the kitchen table with their cars while I did kitchen stuff. Turn everything into a den and you’re sorted. Boys love dens.
2. exercise them before they have to sit! We used to play football in the garden before dinner for example.
3. have a snack alongside them but eat properly later/ it’s horrible being hungry and having to battle the weans. So much better being able to attend to them fully, you just don’t get frazzled. You don’t need to eat together yet so don’t torture yourself.
4. clean the bathroom when they’re in the bath! The odd wipe here and there. Once they were safely out of the way 🙄 I used to chuck dettol into the bath before I let the water out to keep on top of drains, wee, etc.
5. finally: when the clocks go back next week, just go to bed earlier for the first couple of weeks - you can’t win that one.

@Tourist29 yes I want to spend more enjoyable time with my children but I do think sometimes it's easy to remember with rose tinted glasses

@meerog I agree re batch cooking but how do I do that and spend wait time with my kids. And do the washing the ironing the cleaning and all the other crap that doesn't happen in the week.

I just don't seem to have enough time.

I'm trying to get ahead but it's tricky