Average motherhood age

[moonsovermiami]

Motherhood and age.
I know this has been done a million times
But...
I'm interested to know, among your circles what is the most common age to be having baby no 1, 2 etc
Just curious...

More educated women give birth later. If you spend your early 20s in uni most are fairly desperate for a job by the time they get out. Most educated men want to establish themselves too before they start a family. The biggest thing you can do for your kids is choose a decent partner to be their father. If you have a complex family history, get therapy first! Sod age, it's not the biggest thing at all.

My mum friends were 27-34 with their first child, most had a second child 2 years later. The people I was at school with are mostly vets, solicitors and hospital consultants. 3 of them had their first child at 37 and 2 haven't had children yet at 38.

I decided on a second at 36, that was a couple of years ago and it's not happened yet. I'm a bit worried about approaching 40 for a second child as I wanted 3, but whilst TTC I've spoken to so many women who are TTC their first in their late 30s and early 40s.

I can see my local hospital statistics on birth and there are national stats, it's a bit odd, the posters who insist the average is mid twenties when we have the stats that emphatically show that's not true.

@emanresu24 no one is saying they are quoting accurate averages were certain locations, they're saying what they commonly see around them, that'll be anecdotal, not scientific. But the reverse is true, spend 10 mins on MN and you'd think having a child 40+ was very common, when it absolutely isn't.

I had my first in my mid 20s and I’m happy with that decision but even I don’t think 30 is ‘pushing it’. 30 is perfectly fine and not too old. 35 is leaving it a little later and if I’m being honest I think 40+ is too old.

I think the older parent trend will massively change society in ways that will become apparent over the next 10/20 years. A little part of me finds it very sad that so many kids will miss out on younger grandparents, more siblings, grandparent help with their own kids.

What does it matter as long as they get the children they want eventually. I married at 22, pregnant at 32 after nearly 10 years of unprotected sex. It will be our first and last child as dh is going for vasectomy.

What's the difference between me and someone who married at 38 and had baby at 39..some probably even manage to squeeze out a second. baby at 41. Higher chance of disabilities I am sure but majority of babies even at that age are still born healthy.

How is having a child an achievement. For many people it's quite easy and done and dusted within a year. For me it took 10 years to conceive 1 child so I guess it is more of a miracle for me than an achievement but for me it was definitely harder than buying a London flat (took 3 years to save up) or getting into law school etc. For most people it isn't though.

Raising a child is difficult of course but not everyone raises their child well.

Well why is anything an achievement? Running a marathon, saving a flat deposit, learning a new language? Basically anyone can do those things if they keep up the stamina. Are they achievements?

Not everyone can run a marathon (I never done it), I only speak 2 languages (and most people are like me, there are few true polygots), saved a flat deposit (which I do accept lots of people can do but when I bought at 26, few people I knew in London were buying at that age).

But 85% of women would conceive within a year of unprotected sex. If you look at the figures over 2 years or longer it's over 90%. I wasn't one of them, I took 10 years but even I managed eventually. I didn't do ivf but I guess if I had to, my odds would he even higher. So it's something 90% of couples can do if they chose, thhough infertility is hard as someone who has been through it. It's not the same for other things like being able to speak 4 languages fluently, being able to cycle to France or be a CEO.

You sound a lot of fun, I have to say

@lpzzioss I mean as a pattern of several of these threads. I understood that the thread is about people's personal experiences and I posted my own.

I read page 1 and 4 and posted. On page 4 someone claims it's 'statistically average in mid-20s'. Someone else claimed peak fertility is age 23, when data shows a peak of MC and aneuploidy in younger women and euploidy and peak fertility is later 20s.

We couldn’t afford to buy property until I was 36 so couldn’t start trying until then really. My firstborn was unfortunately stillborn (I was 38). Then my living children I had at 40 and 41. We don’t have any local family to help out either practically or financially. So these things all play into the decision whether to even have children, let alone when.
I’m the oldest in my nct group but only by about a year. It was comprised (at the time) of 29, 34, 36, 37, 38, 40.

I think it means fertility peaks in late 20’s (then declines) rather than meaning late 20’s is your peak fertility window.

I had my first at 36 and twins just before 38.

Having them in my 20's would've been an awful idea and yes, I was far too busy and focused on my career. I don't see what's wrong with that.

My group of close friends ranges in age from 25 - 40. I'm the only parent (30, DD is nearly 11).

@Scrubberdubber I think that's brilliant you bought a house, and it's a real accomplishment when the average age in the U.K. is 34 to buy their first property.

@lpzzioss I guess from my viewpoint I know you can get UC/tax credits if low income, but I wouldn't want to take them unless I became disabled or ill. I view them as a safety net if the worst happens rather than something there to enable a choice to have children before being stable enough to afford them myself. As there's a limited pot

@january1244 I would imagine home ownership average ages varies by region. Where we live 34 would be seen as quite old to buy a house for the first time. But we live in North Wales and prices of both rent and houses are lower than the national average.

We also benefit from me working remotely and so my salary isn’t tied to the area we live if that makes sense. We were able to save whilst renting and having our eldest DC quite comfortably.

Same, @january1244 . I'm very glad the safety net exists, but I knew I had capacity to earn more so wouldn't have intentionally had children if it meant living on UC. I can understand though, that if your earning potential is only ever going to be low you may as well have children as soon as you want them, because you'll be on UC anyway.

You do realise that most people claiming UC ARE actually in work? You’re saying you wouldn’t want to claim them unless you were disabled or ill, what if you lost your job or your became a single parent and became a one income household?

People on the minimum wage jobs work as hard as those in £60k jobs if they’re putting in 40 hours a week shifts.

Nothing wrong with it but we can’t pretend it doesn’t change the family structure.

How does it change it?

I think they mean in regards to grandparents for example if two generations have children at 20 the grandparent will be 40 and most likely still fit and healthy for a long time Vs two generations having children at 40 and the grandparent being 80.

Also likely to be less siblings and therefore less cousins/aunties/uncles one day.

I'm not judging anyone who has children at 40 btw my mother was 40 when I was born just explaining what I believe the pp meant

The age of grandparents wasn't a consideration at all to me.

If I had children at 20, they would've been living in poverty and I'd likely never have had the career I do now. I also would've had them with the wrong man as I hadn't met my husband then and the men I was seeing at 20? Not the men you'd want as the father to your children.

Financial stability, finding the right man etc all much bigger considerations for me. Not to mention feeling ready to have children and I certainly didn't feel that at 20.

Fair enough I wasn't judging anyone or saying it's better to have them younger just explaining what I think the other poster was getting at. I mean I had my firstborn when I was 16 but I'm still with the father, I agree it's very important to find a good man first, I'd say the man you choose is far more important than how old you are to be honest

Exactly.

Having a baby just because in theory, you are a good age to be pregnant and give birth is a terrible idea.

I feel like there are a number of very defensive ‘older’ mums on here. We have no issues acknowledging having a baby at 18 is far from ideal, but seem to have massive issues acknowledging there are quite significant downsides to having older parents as well. Why?

Older parents are relatively recent in the scheme of things. Yes women have been having babies at 45 since forever, but those women would’ve likely had 3 or 4 children already, so they had a clutch of older siblings in most cases. When I was growing up, most children were born to parents in their late 20s or early 30s, with 2 or 3 siblings and younger grandparents. They had a wider family which I think is extremely beneficial for the development of children as well as the ‘village’ to help parents. I really enjoyed my childhood, and was one of 4 born to parents in their 20s.

I had my second, and last, at 30, so a little later, and my kids don’t have as many siblings as I did. So I’m somewhere in the middle. I’m not one of those parents mentioned above.

I think there will be fewer generations in the family, less grandparent support, and longer and earlier caring for elderly parents. I think children are becoming less and less accustomed to being part of a wider family unit, and more and more used to being the sole focus of their parents usually as an only child. I don’t think this is quite as healthy for children if I’m honest, although that’s a broad brush and many will be fine.

Financially I think it makes little difference as sadly due to incompetent governance (thanks Tories) and global events, somebody in their mid 30s probably has the lifestyle and earnings of somebody in their mid 20s around the millennium. But obviously it’s an important consideration and I can absolutely see why financial stability matters, I was very lucky to reach that a bit earlier.