Average motherhood age

[moonsovermiami]

Motherhood and age.
I know this has been done a million times
But...
I'm interested to know, among your circles what is the most common age to be having baby no 1, 2 etc
Just curious...

Most people I grew up with (mid 30s) had children mid to late 20s. No, not chavs. Many were still university educated, but it's an affordable area. I work in London now and the average is much higher. It always boggles my mind hearing about people having babies in their 40s though on here as I don't know anyone (although I'm not there yet so that'll be part of it!)

26-31 is the average for first time mums here in my experience.
I’ve lived in 3 different counties and have always found it to be the case in all 3 despite the typical answer on mumsnet that tends to say older. (Obviously there are older first time mums, just as there are much younger ones too but we’re talking the average)

I had a good sized home (detached, nice area, 3 bedroom ) a professional career and a husband. I was 28 when my family was completed in those circumstances.

I could have gone for a bigger house , I could have gone travelling with my husband or climbed higher in my career. But we chose to have children.

I find it horrible that you don't see having children as an achievement. I've a achieved plenty - but having children tops the whole lot for me, by a long margin.

I did get to travel (briefly )in style on a motorbike 😁. Short duration , but sweet all the same! Probably do the rest with the kids when they're a wee bit older.

I appreciate your response, but there's nothing to pity.

OP said 'in your circles' so I'm assuming she's interested in the differences, not necessarily the national average. I'm also not really getting all the judginess about whether it's 'selfish' to wait - there are all sorts of reasons for that and I'm pretty sure I'm a better mum now that I would have been earlier in my own life. I agree with PPs it's very strongly linked to level of education, partly because of career expectations, but more likely because it takes longer to get postgraduate degrees and establish yourself in the sort of career that requires them. And people are more likely to relocate for those kinds of jobs, meaning it takes longer to feel stable and settled (and often first relationships don't survive those kinds of move). It's also not a secret that Mumsnet has more members in that demographic and therefore not surprising that you get more 35+ answers.

Among my and DP's school and university friends (we're now in our 40s), the majority don't have children, either because they couldn't or because they didn't want to. Our friends who are parents are mostly from work and nursery, and as the nursery is linked to our workplace and most people there have postgraduate degrees, the average age for a first baby is somewhere in the late 30s in my circles though not necessarily in my area in general.

@Jalapenosplease I think you came on being very unpleasant and judgemental, and saying your way is the only/best way. Whereas in reality people will do what is right for them, and have children at the right time for them.

We wanted to be very financially secure, and to be able to give them all of the opportunities we can. Such as travel, living abroad, and the possibility of private school. That's what was important to us.

As far as I'm aware, people hadn't been rude about those having them earlier

Mid to late 20’s for first, early 30’s for second on average.

More unusual for early 20’s and 35+ for first

That's extremely judgemental and you're asking people not to be judgemental of older mums. We can't have it both ways.

My dear friend had both her children in her early 20s and was married with a mortgage. She didn't have a spectacular job or a spectacular home, but she did have a job and did have an (owned) home. She's laughing now she's 35 with a 14 and 15 yr old! Well turned out children too.

I'm 45 yrs and ds3 is in y6, and I'm among the oldest mums in his class. So whatever the average is here, it's under 34.

School friends - 30+ for first on average
Where I live - 20 usually for first on average

@Jalapenosplease but the average age of buying your first home is 33.5 years in the U.K. so statistically in your 20s you are likely to be renting

@Jalapenosplease To be able to buy a detached three bed aged 28, you must either live somewhere very cheap or have family money behind you. I'm in the south-east and don't know anyone who owned their own detached house aged 28 - we'd only been graduated a few years, and even in professional roles you don't earn enough early on to save 30k+ for a house deposit in 4-5 years (plus pay rent, obvs).

You must realise that your circumstances are unusual. And with house prices increasing so much beyond wages, it's only going to get harder for women to be in a stable position to have children young.

I had mine at 22, 26 and 29. All of my friends had their babies in their 20s bar 1 who had hers at 18. I'm in my thirties now and it probably makes financial sense to wait until your 30s.

@LavenderBlue19 just a reminder not everyone lives in the SE! Most people I knew were on the property ladder mid 20s, and most with detached houses, or at least, comfortable family sized houses by 30 (not SE). Most people I know had families in starter homes and upsized when children were young.

Most of my friends were homeowners in their late 20s, had kids age 29-35.

I bought my first property on my own at 28, married at 32, family home bought at 33, kids at 34 & 35, and I’d say that was fairly typical in my circle.

@lpzzioss Fair enough. I have friends in the midlands and north, and yes most of them did buy younger than we did in the south east. Not mid-20s though, I can't think of anyone who bought that young as we'd all just finished uni.

It just shows the effect house prices has on peoples' lives. It makes sense to be financially stable before you have children, and that happens much later in the south-east because it takes so bloody long to save enough money for a deposit.

I had mine at 29 and 31. 33 now and most of my peers are having their first or had them in the last year or so.

So early 30s I suppose

Usually these threads are heavy with posters judging young mums of course it's usually done subtly they'll talk about "their circles" and everyone they know being 35+ when they have their first child and then they'll imply anyone who has a child younger is poor and uneducated.

In case it was lost on any readers it's just a way of show boating that they believe they move in superior "circles"

Edit to say there's not any of that on this thread but on other threads it was rife

35-45.

Houses in the south are expensive. By the time you've established a career, found the right man, scraped together a deposit, bought a house and allowed a couple of years to save up some more cash as a buffer for maternity leave, 35 is fairly normal.

Any delays and it's closer to 40.

@Scrubberdubber if you read back, they said 30s is pushing it, 40+ is unfair to the child, and called women who wait for have children 'geriatric' and 'selfish'.

We are all different. It's not really showboating is it, to state what age you, your friends and family had children. It's the reality in the south east. A tiny one bed flat cost half a million when I bought it a few years ago in London, and a semi detached three bed with a box room is £600k+ in the unremarkable commuter town I live in. People need to wait to be secure financially, and it would be very unusual to afford one of these without help and quite a few years saving for a deposit

People need to wait to be secure financially, and it would be very unusual to afford one of these without help and quite a few years saving for a deposit

Financially secure is a subjective concept. Some people on MN, ironically the ones that often claim to be the most worldly and mature, have a very narrow view on this subject.

@lpzzioss but surely people are allowed to decide what would be affordable for themselves? I couldn't have afforded it in my 20s personally so chose to wait til my 30s. That's my choice without being slated for being a selfish competitive geriatric mother who can't cope with the chaos of kids.

Childcare for my two is well over £4K a month - we could not have afforded it in our 20s. I couldn't barely afford my rent in my mid 20s

Ouch, that does sound a bit like what I said above. I think I just meant that most people tend to move in 'circles' where most people they know are similar to them.

Also I think there are very few women who put careers before all other considerations and it's unfair to imply that is the main reason for not having children in your 20s.

And can you find a man who wants children in his 20s? Good luck with that.

@lpzzioss It's not that subjective, is it. Having enough money to finance the lifestyle you want might differ hugely from one family to another and in different parts of the country, but the basics will be the same. Enough to cover the bills and essentials without being massively stressed about money.

No-one is waiting until they're millionaires before having children, but, for example, many women who don't want to be SAHMs will wait until their careers are such that they're earning enough to afford childcare. That's sensible if your career is important to you and you want remain financially independent.