Average motherhood age

[moonsovermiami]

Motherhood and age.
I know this has been done a million times
But...
I'm interested to know, among your circles what is the most common age to be having baby no 1, 2 etc
Just curious...

And can you find a man who wants children in his 20s? Good luck with that.

Eh? I know loads of men who've had kids in their 20s, most of my friends and family for one.

Sorry didn't mean to make anyone feel personally attacked I haven't seen any of that showboating on this thread was describing the other similar thread which ran to about 30 pages hopefully this one doesn't go the same way.

I disagree it's the reality in the whole south east I live in the south east and became a mum at 16. The average age seems to me to be mid twenties which is also statistically true. I understand it's different in London and small apartments can cost almost a million there but that doesn't apply to the whole south east

@LavenderBlue19 you've literally stripped it down to demonstrate how subjectove it is. Lifestyle is subjective. On MN financial security is usually stated as home ownership, savings, university funds and house deposits for the kids. That isn't realistic nor indeed the goal for everyone. And there is often a very condescending tone when people aren't striving for that.

surely people are allowed to decide what would be affordable for themselves

Obviously, and I appreciate you're getting defensive at the geriatric comment (understandably of course) but these threads often become extremely passive aggressive towards younger parents, lots of pity, "I just couldn't imagine that", wouldn't want it for my daughter, types of comments. Things I'm sure people would be more tactful about in real life.

Complete disregard for the fact that there are pros and cons to all ages, and the fact some women do want to prioritise having children in their healthy fertile prime, want grandparents around, and may be willing to make other sacrifices for example home ownership, but instead of acknowledging that, those mothers are made out to be lacking ambition, intelligence even.

There is no right or wrong here. Not even on an individual level, the reality is we've all had to compromise somewhere along the line, whether that's through choice or not. And yet these threads attract such superiority (on both sides).

If people are secure in their decisions, they don't need to be condescending or passive aggressive.

It’s almost as if people can’t fathom others having different priorities, different friendship circles, different relationships, and living in different locations. Yes, I live in a typical Mumsnet area where most have babies late 30s/40s, that’s just the social demographic. I can equally imagine people living elsewhere with different social circles having babies in their early 20s. I’m sure different chat sites will have different demographics and the answer to this question will be reflected on those.

It’s not a competition or a personal slight, there are positives and negatives to having a baby at all ages!

I'm always a bit cynical when someone says "Oh I live in a wealthy area of London and all the women are educated, career women. They don't even think about having babies until they're in their 40s."
I simply don't believe it. Yes, many women are having their first babies in their 30s but I actually think it's not so common to only start in your 40s. I know women who've done this but they're in the minority.
I'm surrounded by career women (doctors, lawyers, architects etc) and they all had babies in their 30s. In fact, because they're well aware of the risks of leaving it too late. Several of them said they wanted to be done and dusted by 35.

I had my first at 26, my next friend was 32 and everyone else was 32 plus

Yes I know absolutely loads in their early 20s.

@Scrubberdubber you didn't say those things, I was just highlighting that another poster did.

If you don't mind me asking, how did you manage to afford a home and nursery at 16? We aren't finding it easy now at late thirties/forty, with everything going up, and that's on two full time professional salaries.

I think it's interesting to see the differences between regions and property affordability, which is probably a big one

@january1244 people who are low income get their childcare heavily subsidised. We were low income when we had ours, and the majority of our childcare was funded through child tax credits.

29 to 33 is the average age for the majority of women I know to become a first time mum. I don't know any who were 43-45 like many posters on here claim.

In my circles and local area the average first time mum is aged 30-35.

I am early thirties and my third child is a few months old. So when I take the youngest alone to baby groups, I'm comfortably in that age group of mums now. When I used to take my 6yo as a baby in my mid twenties I was always the youngest by a good few years at least, often a decade younger than say half the group.

I don't mind you asking, we rented a very small apartment until we had saved enough money for a mortgage deposit, not all will approve and will say they waited till 35 because they wanted the house sorted before the kids which is fair enough their choice. Your child's excitement when they're old enough to remember moving into a bigger house is a very special moment though.
Admittedly the house is only 25% shared ownership I've seen some say they would never bother buying a house unless it was 100%

Nursery days were during Covid so they were shut anyway

For me, you never get your youth back. I certainly didn't want to be spending it knee deep in nappies. I would have felt that my life had just begun, then it was over again.

I was just 24 when I had my DD and most of the mums were older, at playgroups etc
My school mums friends were pretty much 10 year + older.

Mid 20s

Of my school friends we all had our first between 24&27, we are all degree educated and "middle class" I suppose. 3 of us have 2 kids one has 3. Of my university friends first dc was between 25&34, we have between 1&3 kids

I was 36 with first, 38 with second. Among my close female friends that was bang on average.

My schoolfriends had children slightly earlier, with a peak of 31-34 for the first child. But I still wasn't among the last. One schoolfriend had her first last month at 46.

For me, you never get your youth back. I certainly didn't want to be spending it knee deep in nappies. I would have felt that my life had just begun, then it was over again.

I never saw having kids as my life being over. I'm mid 30s and mine are teens now, I have a social life, hobbies, career, and the fun of raising my teens who are genuinely good company. Add to that I will have zero parental responsibilities by the time I am early 40s I feel as excited about my future now as I did when I was 18.

Exactly this. You get your life back earlier and then get to have your 40s and beyond enjoying your older children, at a time when you feel more confident than ever.

I had my first at 20 and my second at 23. I completed my final year of uni when my eldest was a baby. We rented for a while and later bought a property. (We live in Wales so much more affordable house prices)! I’m now 33 and have a 10 and 13 year old.

Most of my friends have young babies/ toddlers but no older DC. I wouldn’t say either way of doing it is better. They are just different.

I (and DH) have built a career and the kids have watched us do this and have seen us both succeed. I hope that it instils a good work ethic in them. In fact I already know it has. We are overpaying our mortgage because we don’t have any childcare bills to pay any more. I expect it will be paid off by the time I’m 45.

DH and I don’t feel like we missed out on our youth but we are looking forward to spending our later years going on more adventures together. We just consider raising our family as the first chapter in that adventure.

In my social group most of us had our first in our early 20’s, second mid to late 20’s.

@Flickum very similar to us.

We obsess quite a bit about age on MN, and class, but I think the factor that makes the most impactful difference in your parenting experience is your relationship. I have a wonderful DH who is my best friend and truly does things as fairly as we can, I would have loved parenting with him in my 20s or my 40s.

I'm also very lucky to have hands on grandparents that have equally been a huge support in parenting.

I've been poor and I've been rich as a parent, I've been a young parent and I'm getting mature now, but the constant that has got me through it all is the people around me.

Christ, in the eyes of other women, noone’s fertility or life choices are sacred or exempt from picking apart.

Deemed too young? You are irresponsible, financially insecure and selfish.
Deemed too old? You are greedy, too career driven and selfish.

Women cannot win. Surely, as long as you are in good health, financially independent and emotionally secure, then who's business is it to comment 🤦‍♀️

Anyhoo- in answer to the OP; wide range here, starting at 26 and with a fair few not had their first yet (mid thirties). Finances and quality of partner being main driving factors.

All mine and my friends kids are 18 now but most of them had children around 30.