Locking the toddler’s door from the outside?

[sellotape12]

I just saw an American social media post in which people were advocating putting a lock on your toddler’s bedroom door handle for safety. The aim being that they can’t get out of their room at night time. Is this the norm? Are we being totally stupid for having not got this (still in a cot but moving to a bed soon)? I can’t imagine locking our kid in and them being okay with it? The consensus on the post seemed to be think it was totally normal and crazy to think that anyone wouldn’t.

Why not handcuff, blindfold and gag them while they're at it. It's insane. It's la at parenting; Cruel, thoughtless and utterly selfish. Further more it serves no purpose in the long run.
We aim to teach our children they want/ need to stay in their rooms willingly for period of time certainly at night but sometimes In the day ie during nap time. Locking them in is not teaching them any skills. It's demonstrating fear and helplessness as a for of punishment and complete lack choice and self reliance. Those children will never have the ability to be able to make choices about what they do and reason logically.

If you are scared your child will fall down the stairs, use a stair gate, if there are dangerous objects outside their bedroom move them in the same way millions of people have done for tens, if not hundreds if years. Children learn by experiencing life, not by imprisonment, isolation and fear.

It’s horrible how dangerous the little years are- fire safety, injuring themselves, causing chaos, stairs, emotional safety…

my kids escaped the crib by 10mo too. B1 went to his own room at 18mo and we had a thing called a door monkey that lets them open the door a crack to call for you, and needs one finger flick to dislodge. If anything happens and kids are really distressed and pounding it also dislodges. When B2 moved in with his brother, B1 was using the potty and was used to freedom. We got an extra tall stair gate and gated off/locked everything but the bathroom and our room.

We have never had nor gates they are a fire risk and no chance i am risking that

Quite possibly the most dangerous suggestions I've ever come across.
Children die in fires because they do not know what to do. Locks get jammed in those situations and if you were to attempt to get them out when a smoke alarm goes off but couldn't, you would relive that over and over.
Child gates can be climbed over if they jam.

Also, I have a best friend who was locked in at night. As a child she was locked in her room and she still remembers the fear of not being able to get into her sister/mums room because she's had a nightmare.

Her dad would also lock the main doors with a key and put the key somewhere nearby but not in the lock. I was never allowed to stay over because of this. Not a single door key was ever where it was meant to be and it was just another fire hazard.

Who cares that your toddler gets out at night, maybe they are too little to be sleeping in a room without hearing family breathing next to them.

Buy a sensor mat which goes off when stepping on it if you're that worried they'll get down the stairs and out the door before you wake up.

Have sweets/toys somewhere that lures them to somewhere noisy if they really are a flight risk.

Do not lock people in. They die.

Sure but I mean this is a country that has a lot of citizens who think that owning and keeping a handgun in the home will keep you safe so I’ll just leave it there….

Locks are not necessary provided that the child is well swaddled and hung from the wall on a sturdy hook.

I used to stand outside the door holding it shut for 10 minutes until he stopped trying to break out. He believed for ages that it was stuck and would magically unstick itself during the night.

Luckily the lamp that changed color for morning worked like a miracle for us and he stayed put more or less willingly after we got it.

When I was young I'd sleepwalk. My gran found me opening the front door. I've not thought about this issue until your post, so I think I'll have to do something for my daughter.

I laughed until I remembered a child accidentally killing himself with his dads gun.

My dad was a firefighter and said you should never, ever put a lock on a child's door.

Dangerous, stupid advice.
Fires, choking, sickness.

If you are worried a child may open the front door, put the key out of reach.

Have a look at some news articles where parents have locked their kids in the bedroom and needed emergency services to break them out/save their life.

We bought a stair gate for the top of our stairs at Christmas when 2 year old dgs was staying. Dgs worked it out in minutes, let himself through and shut it after him.
Meanwhile my 89 year old dm stood there yelling to be let through. 😂

Terrible idea

Wow.
no.

If the child has already been used to opening the door and shuffling into your room, how do you go backwards? Surely they will be distressed to find that the door no longer opens?

Yes, they will be distressed. Why are you keen to lock your child out from reaching you in the night? They will grow out of doing this when they no longer need you. Locking them away from you will just make them needier.

I'm no "gentle parent" but this is the other extreme. Do not do this

I'd hate being locked in a room overnight and can't imagine doing it to a child of any age. We just had a gate the top of the stairs so dd could get to the loo and us when she needed. Bit shocked at how many people trap their kids in.

I had a screw fixed stair gate at the top of the stairs ( just to stop any wrong turns in the night) and always made sure the bathroom door was closed and couldn’t be opened by a toddler ( after reading about a small child who tried to fill the bath in the middle of the night). The landing is always light. I would never lock a child in there bedroom. All mine do is come and find us if they wake.

I couldnt imagine closing a door on my toddler it makes me feel claustrophobic just thinking about it! His door stays open all night. He's 3 very nearly 4 though.
However when I move the baby into his own room I will probably put a baby gate across the doorway. Mainly because of the stairs. I don't use a baby gate at the top of the stairs as my older son needs to get up and down the stairs and I feel they give a false sense of security. I have visions of baby leaning on it and it giving way.
It never used to be an issue as previously always lived on ground floor flats.

@Autumn1990 yes I leave the landing light on all night. Leaves the bedrooms dark enough to sleep but enough light to move around.

We don't use a stair gate though. Used it for a couple of months with DC1 3yo and I found it such a pain I just taught him to use the stairs. DC2 never had one.

@sellotape12 does it matter if they're shuffling to your room? They're children...

We started with the stair gate, but actually switched after the pita neighbour complained

(we were in a terrace house, so the gate was actually fixed to the shared wall . My darling child would rattle it in a morning to wake everyone and it was noisy for them . In hindsight I wish I had ignored the neighbour , as it wasn’t like he was banding it for three hours straight every morning- minutes at most)

so I put a simple hook and eye latch on . I got a big dressing down when my mil saw it and she managed to tell lots of extended family how I lock my children up every night

if I could go back in time I would completely ignore everyone’s opinion unless they paid the bills or offered to take said child for the weekend!

Think of something like a fire. Stair gate can be climbed over by an adult if need be.
A lock is different. The heat can make the metals and wood expand so they lock can't be released.

A stair gate - you can see in and out quickly, as a glance. A lock requires the door to be fully closed.

Massive difference.

I knew a woman who locked her toddler in his room at night because her and her DH didn't want to tbe disturbed in the night and to be able to sleep until at least 8am. She used to tell us quite matter factly that she was cross because she'd gone in in the morning to find a wee soaked bed, or the bed and him covered in vomit.

She thought a small bolt was absolutely fine compared to her parents who took the door handles off her bedroom door.

Yes, I did get social services involved.

I take your point. So on that basis do you consider closing the door dangerous?