Locking the toddler’s door from the outside?

[sellotape12]

I just saw an American social media post in which people were advocating putting a lock on your toddler’s bedroom door handle for safety. The aim being that they can’t get out of their room at night time. Is this the norm? Are we being totally stupid for having not got this (still in a cot but moving to a bed soon)? I can’t imagine locking our kid in and them being okay with it? The consensus on the post seemed to be think it was totally normal and crazy to think that anyone wouldn’t.

We were given information saying that stair gates are required both top and bottom of the stairs, so that's what we have. The only things I've heard about them at the top is first never get one with the bar at the bottom so you don't trip on the way, and second never have it opening towards the stairs (always onto the landing so you don't end up stepping backwards on the stairs)

Personally I don't like the idea of locking children in their room if them wandering would be a safety issue but I don't think it's fundamentally dangerous compared with anything else.

It's not worth explaining the difference if it isn't immediately obvious. Especially if your poor child was expected to stay in their room by the time they were out of a cot...

That's a huge fire risk.

We added a small bell on DC doors when they were very young so if they got up in the night we would hear them.

It's much easier for an adult to hop over a stair gate or lift the child over than fumble with a locked door in an emergency/fire situation.

Or maybe it’s not worth explaining the difference because you can’t? Both a lock on the door and a stair gate confine the child to the bedroom, as they can’t open either one. I agree locking a child in their room seems horrible - but I actually can’t see how it’s any different to using a stair gate.

not sure what you mean about my ‘poor child’ being expected to stay in their room. Don’t most parents expect their child to stay in their room? Presumably that’s why they use stair gates, to make sure they do, which you seem to be implying is fine. I don’t understand what point you’re trying to make.

I think it probably depends on the layout of your house, if you can put a gate at the top of the stairs/in a corridor so they can only get to the bedrooms/bathroom then they'd be pretty safe toddling ro loom for you. If you lived in a house where they could take themselves to the kitchen or outside door or anywhere where they would be unsafe without supervision without waking you then a gate on their bedroom door or a lock on the main door would be the safer option. And a gate is more palatable but I don't really know why, its the same difference, except maybe they would be able to hear you better and feel closer to you.

We just pull the door to and have a stair gate at the top of the stairs. In theory she can open the door herself but she never does. FYI with transition to bed - if you can keep with a cot until 3 the transition is usually much simpler with less disturbance. Anecdotal but this was certainly our experience swapping at 3y compared to our friends who had made the move earlier. No disruption to her sleep pattern and we've never had any wandering. She just comes to her door and knocks when she is ready to get up!

We have a stair gate at the top of our stairs as the staircase in the middle of the bedrooms and a half a sleep or poorly child could easily wobble and fall down the stairs.
We also had a stair gate on one of the DCs bedrooms as they possibly sleepwalked/possibly not… wandered from their room to their siblings beds repeatedly and the other DC were struggling with the repeated disturbances. Wandering DC would get to the gate, give it a shake then go back to their own bed. The gate shaking lasted about 2 years!

I was going to say the same thing re: fire and emergencies.
Although if a fire breaks out you would want to remove your toddler from the burning house, not keep the child in the room with a door for protection.

Um, no, I've never expected my young child to stay in their room, when their parents are their whole world, comfort and safety.

Oh and the difference... Stair gates are for safety... Locking a door is fucking stupid, cruel and dangerous.

I don't understand why anyone would put a barrier between their child and the toilet at night. I have to get up twice during the night and I'm an adult.

Well, yes, I think it's fairly obvious that I wasn't advocating leaving your child in a burning building because the door was shut!

But a door does offer more protection from flames/smoke inhalation than a stair gate would. If a fire did break out you'd have longer to get them out safely. But then the lock would slow you down/potentially make the room inaccessible so overall I'd vote stairgate...but I'm not a fireman so this is guess work!

The door on my toddlers room has a high handle that she couldn't reach and we close it at night. She is disturbed by noise from the rest of the house otherwise. If she needs us she calls us and we're there in 20 seconds. As above I don't see that much different from a stairgate.

Ok, well i do expect my child to stay in her room, as does everyone who uses a stair gate. Obviously, if there was a problem, she would cry/call to me and I would go in to her. I don’t think this is particularly controversial 🤷‍♀️

I’m still not clear on the actual difference in locking a child in with a stair gate and locking a child in with a lock on the outside of the door in terms of safety. If anything, as long as the key stays in the lock (or it’s not a key, just a hook or whatever) I’d actually find that easier to undo in an emergency - some stair gates can be really tricky especially if unfamiliar. I do agree the locked door feels cruel for some reason but logically there’s no difference.

As I say, irrelevant to me anyway, as the request ‘please stay in your bed until morning and call for me if there’s a problem’ did the job for my child. I appreciate this won’t work for every child but it did for mine.

In the UK this is a huge safeguarding concern due to risk of abuse and fire/ health and safety. An acquaintance of mine got read the riot act by social services after it was reported that they had put locks on their children’s bedroom doors.

Did they make them sleep in a closet under the stairs too?

Utter madness. Child abuse.

🤣

Yep...hook and eye... special needs child with roaming tendancy even in the night. Absolutely would ransack the house without us knowing.

Wrong

It's far less frightening for a toddler trying to leave their room to be confronted with a stair gate that they can see through and feel seen through, than a solid door.

I wouldn't put a lock on a door for that reason alone - psychologically they will feel far more trapped and thinking about that makes me very uncomfortable.

Mine were houdinis. All four had climbed out their cots by 10 months. They climbed over stair gates by a year. Locking them in might have been a good idea! 😂

Every day is a school day. Luckily my kids weren’t climbers and survived to teenage years. (Survival against the odds runs in the family. My parents had me in the baby bouncer that was later taken off the market for catapulting babies across the room. 😂)

Cottage with a steep staircase, plus 2 directions of stairs leading off from landing. We had a stair gate on the bedroom door for a while when DS transitioned to a bed. He wasn't a climber though, so no probs.

I'm not sure I'd lock in and I don't remember it being a thing with US friends

Locking people in rooms at night is a fire risk. Everyone needs to be able to exit sleeping accommodation in an emergency, including your toddler.