Child Maintenance help

[Mamaatwork]

Hi everyone,

First time poster but not sure where to turn. I recently married my husband late last year. We have a beautiful daughter of our own and I have no other children. My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 8. He sees her every Thursday after school till after teatime on a Sunday and he is an amazing dad.

He has always had this arrangement, my husband used to work and pay his ex £35 a week child maintenance. However, my husband had to stop working about 18 months ago after a road traffic accident meant he can no longer work in manual labour jobs and is currently receiving disability payments until the end of his physiotherapy. He is also doing a degree so he can move into other work in an office as currently he is only trained as a roofer.

I work as an anaesthetist and I earn £50,000 a year. We are doing well, we go on lots of little holidays over the year and a big holiday in summer all 4 of us. We pay for my step daughter’s dance club which is £80 a month and pay for her school uniforms throughout the year.

My husbands ex today has started demanding we pay her from my salary as it is not her fault that my husband doesn’t work. She is saying it is not fair we can provide her daughter with holidays and treats when she can’t do anything. She doesn’t work. She knows what I get paid roughly as she went online and calculated based on my experience. She’s now demanding £300 a month. She said if we don’t pay her it she will remove contact and only allow my husband to see his daughter one day a week and no sleepovers. As far as she sees it when I married him I took financial responsibility of him and therefore her daughter.

I don’t know what to do. If my husband lost his daughter he would be devastated and even though we do well for ourselves we don’t have thousands to throw at a solicitor. Does anyone have any advice?

Capitulating to unreasonable demands is not "supporting her partner".

The mother doesn't work and has a fiancé who helps to find her lifestyle.

Op works very hard to support her own family (including the 43% of time when her step daughter is there).

@Mamaatwork encourage your husband to keep any messages or emails where she has demanded money for access. See a solicitor and get the ball rolling for a child arrangements order that looks at getting full 50/50.

The mother chooses not to work. She should get off her arse and get a job.

Op I competent with you on this. Basically you are expected to go out to work and hand over money while she doesn't work. Er no.

You have her virtually 50% of the week as it is.
Absolutely save the messages where she threatened to withdraw access and make an application to court for the access to rubber sealed by the court.

Who gets the child benefit for the step daughter?

Thinking about it though if the stepdaughters mother ends contact then she will have to pay for her for a weekend and a few days a week extra

Not a sensible move

Given the holiday you have booked I do wonder if it might be worth your husband going to Court now to get a Child Arrangements Order which includes the holiday in Florida as I can see his ex kicking up rough over that

There is a solicitor who will respond to posts on the legal thread so it might be worth asking if the Mods can move it

I said there's more she could be doing.

She sounds very cheeky tbh and possibly committing fraud with her benefits if a working fiancee lives with her.

It's likely that the ex is claiming benefits on top of child benefit. She is also receiving some maintenance. And has a partner who has a job. The likelihood is that their household income is the same as (or not a kick in the arse away from) the Op's household income.

Get the 50/50 sorted if you think your step daughter would cope well with that change.

A quick check on CMS calculator will likely show you that because your husband is receiving benefits, has a child at home and has her for over 40% of the time she is not actually entitled to any maintenance.

How is she with her daughter? Do you have any concerns about her well being? I'm wondering because she doesn't seem to be making decisions in her child's beat interest if she is planning to reduce the time she gets to spend with her dad.

He has the child 4 days a week, including weekends. Why should he pay for her during the few hours a week her mum has her after school? During which time he actually already pays for her dance classes.

Yeah, she's a lazy grabby bitch. If she wants to take her children on holiday she needs to start having a gander at indeed.com.

Got it!

She adores my daughter. They are best friends despite the 5 year ago gap. She has an older brother at her mums from a previous relationship who she also gets on well with.

It’s one of those things. Her mum loves her but she also appreciates her free time, she refuses to ever have her on a weekend if we want to do something. This includes Mother’s Day and even Christmas Day.

@Mamaatwork but she loves her apparently? I thought my husbands ex was bad she sounds bloody horrible

Not my favourite person in the world I’ll be honest. Don’t know what my husband was thinking haha.

She's a cheeky fucker eh.

If she wants more money for her own kid the lazy cow needs to get a job and not think she can ponce off your salary.

DH needs to go to court if she's trying to make the child pay-per-view. What a vile individual.

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