2 day old will not sleep unless he's in my arms

[anonny55]

Please tell me this is normal. I'm EXHAUSTED so is DH. Night 1 in hospital post c section was just horrific. No birth partners allowed and all baby did was cry so midwife's would come in and say he wants cuddles from mum etc so pass him to me then leave. I couldn't move myself still and hadn't slept at all so was litterally falling asleep with him in my arms so called midwife in to put him back in the crib - then he'd just scream again. He'd had nappy change, obs done, bottles, winded etc just so unsettled. DH came to hospital as soon as visiting hours allowed so I could go to sleep but between all the baby's crying and other people on the ward and the 100 checks from midwife's wanting obs I slept for about an hour. Anyway didn't sleep a wink night 1. Night 2 we're home and he will just cry and cry unless one of us hold him. Get him asleep and try and transfer to crib he spends 10 mins in there then screams and screams😩😩 DH is also really trying. We're bottle feeding so we're both taking turns in napping then the other doing everything. It's DH turn to nap and I'm litterally falling asleep with baby in my arms. I'm petrified I will fall asleep holding him and the worse happen but I'm that exhausted I just cannot keep my eyes open😢 is this just my baby?! I love him so much but wow this is so so difficult and I'm struggling more than I thought I would😩we have a Moses basket and next to me crib and he won't settle in either. Tried white noise doesn't work. Tried rocking him in his buggy doesn't work. He just wants to be held😭

Yes, pretty normal I'm afraid in my experience. My DD grew out of it fairly quickly in a matter of days (with help of a dummy and a little bit of perseverance). With my DS, he didn't grow out of it and I ended up safely cosleeping for the first year. I'd recommend a couple of nights safe cosleeping (there are lots of guidelines out there) and maybe a next to me crib.

Totally normal for the first 6months - 1 year.
newborns are not really ready to be out and away from you. just let baby lead... you just put sanity on hold for a bit and do whatever is needed.

I kinda of agree with this.
Once your husband has had a block, then he can take the baby whilst your get a block 6 hours or something, and then you do the same for him, repeat for now.

The beauty of bottle feeding is that you can share the work better. With one baby, I don't see why a third person needs to come around to hold him if I'm honest. You could literally each sleep 12 hours if you wanted. With our formula feed baby we shared it equally and it worked great. With my second I ended up breastfeeding and that was knackering on a whole different scale because we couldn't share.

Would you consider breastfeeding if you can? so much easier for co-sleeping. you can feed them to sleep and snuggle....

Shifts is how we did it! DH always did 9pm - 2am so I got a decent stretch.

Other than that, if you don't want to cosleep (I really didn't) try putting a hot water bottle in the crib so it's not cold to touch (obviously take it out before you put the baby in) and you can use a blanket rolled up that smells of you around their feet (this was suggested by the health visitor).

It does get easier, but those first few days do not feel guilty for prioritising you.

The night I got home from my c section I think I went to bed and slept for 9 hours. I needed it!

Definitely get all the help you can from family so you can get some rest. You've had a major operation and need to recover. Later on you can use a sling, pop baby in carrycot and go for a walk etc but right now you need to prioritise rest!

How is feeding going? Are you breastfeeding and does your supply seem okay?

You could have a velcro baby but my first was like this because I wasn't producing enough milk despite everyone telling me latch was good, all fine and just needed to persevere.

He lost 20% of his bodyweight and went into hospital. Appeared fine at point that decision was made but a few hours later he was not (very glad of that midwife who insisted).

I'm not saying this to scare you, just to warn you to keep an eye out for other signs of dehydration. The health visitor couldn't get blood for heel prick test for example which should have been a sign.

I took to writing down his sleeping pattern because I felt dismissed as 'oh he's just a newborn ' when in fact not being able to put him down was not normal and changed completely once supplemented with formula.

I know this isn't popular but I wish someone had told me that it wasn't that bad and I could carry on feeding him myself as well. We didn't need to get to such a difficult stage and I wouldn't wish my experience on anyone.

Once fed properly, it was like he'd had horse tranquilliser. In fact he slept so deeply he set off the heart monitors and ended up with a crash team.

Take care of yourself too. That is important.

I'd try swaddling in a hammock and white noise.

Yes and check he isn't hungry. If he's in pain, drawing his feet up and arching his back, you do need to hold him and address it.

Sorry I missed bottle feeding in your OP.

I'd still keep a record of sleep or lack of. No one is expecting eight hours uninterrupted but I think there is a big difference between interrupted and none and if he has reflux or allergies it is helpful to have things written down.

Sending you a virtual hug, the early days are so so rough! I know it’s hard but I’m not sure of anyone I know who didn’t co-sleep in those early days. You’d be so surprised how much your instincts kick in when baby is in bed with you. Try to make sure there are no loose sheets as these can be a hazard and put baby down next to you. I’d say for this 4th trimester period the path of least resistance is my personal preference but do be kind to yourself and your baby, they have just been pushed in to a cold bright world! It is completely normal though and will improve.

Just make sure you cover all the bases in a mental checklist.

Hot
Cold
Wet
Soiled
Hungry
Pain.

Remember babies cry, because it's their only means of communicating. It's not going to hurt them if you pop them in their crib to cry for a few minutes while you brush your teeth.

I also recommend swaddling and a very dark bedroom so it feels womb like.

I cannot believe the amount of people telling the OP she should be breastfeeding, gently or otherwise. How we feed our babies is a deeply personal choice and I'm sure she has her own reasons for choosing formula - reasons which are none of anyone else's business.

Similarly, safe co-sleep is brilliant for so many families but if she doesn't want to do it then that's ok too. I am a very restless sleeper and just couldn't co-sleep with my newborn.

@anonny55 take all the help you can while things are this tricky. Use your village. Get naps whenever you can. This is survival mode. Outsource anything you can, don't cook, order food in, accept any help you're offered from friends and family. I promise it will get easier over time. Your baby is still getting used to the outside world. Also I've not had a c-section but I know from friends that c-section babies can be a bit congested for the first couple of days, which may be adding to your little one's discomfort, try keeping him upright as much as you can.

Midwife here. It's normal baby behaviour I am afraid. If you are bottle feeding make sure not to overfeed. In my hospital we say 10 ml of formula per feed on day 1, 20 ml on day 2 , 30 ml on day 3, 40 ml on day 4. 7-8 times a day. Then 150 ml per kg of baby's weight from day 5 (divided into 7-8 feeds). You can adjust the amount up and down a bit but be careful not to overfeed, it increases risk of obesity in later life. Also , I wouldn't be surprised if overfed babies cry because of overstretched tummy. Even though there's no way of proving or disproving it. If you are bottle feeding, you should also introduce a dummy. Babies have a very strong suckling instinct because this is what it takes to establish mum's milk supply. They can gulp formula down in 5 minutes and still look very hungry. Which is why in our hospital we recommend paced feeding for bottle fed babies. I personally would also recommend a dummy (for a bottle fed baby).

Poor you! This is entirely normal. It’s a massive shock and utterly exhausting, but you will get through it. Do what you need to get through it. Xx

I've not had time to go through all of these comments yet (boilers packed up no heating or hot water great!! Just what we needed right now, emergency boiler man on the way!)

I was throwing up an awful lot after my section so midwife's did all the feeding, I'm not sure if it Varys trust to trust but midwife was giving him 50ML every 3-4hrs and said that's the max I should give him even if he seems hungry still. Sometimes he'd only take around 30-40ml of the bottle they were giving him but a few times has had the whole 50!! Is that way too much then!

He was 9lb6 does that make a difference? Midwife said he's big so he'll be a little hungrier than the average baby? I've gave him a dummy too. Mostly just when we have a cuddle or nappy change (he's hating every nappy change, screams the house down!) When he's about to fall asleep he usually lets it drop out

another vote for swaddling to try and get them in the next to me, and sling for naps in the day. DS wouldn't settle at night unless swaddled

It’s pretty normal the first week and you can slowly inch towards the baby not needing to be held. We had a side car cot so the baby could sleep next to me safely. I slept when the baby slept. So baby would hear me breathing and stay asleep not in my arms. Also I would take off whatever shirt I had been wearing and put on a fresh one and lay baby on top of my shirt - as it smelled like me this mean baby more likely to stay asleep in side car with me nearby and not cry. I’d sleep next to baby and just reach my hand out to touch baby. DH would hold baby when I needed to shower or wanted to go for a walk as I recovered. You’ve had a c-section so need your rest.

Sleeping in shifts worked for us during those first few weeks. With luck they will do longer stretches of sleep soon. We also got her into Love to Dream swaddles quite early which she seemed to like.

To all the people recommending co-sleeping it’s not really advised for bottle fed newborns. I was really uncomfortable after my C-section and couldn’t sleep comfortably on my side for weeks even if I had wanted to try co-sleeping.

I never co-slept, I couldn't relax at all. Mine had to cry in the cot for a bit when I was in the bathroom anyway.

Use your family for support, it's what we're meant to do. This really grotty stage will pass.

So I've tried some co sleeping (well me drifting in and out not deep sleeping as I'm a little anxious , most midwife's I've seen have always said a next to me is the safest option)

He's slept for 1hr30 in complete silence! So even if it means I get some light rest to help with my section recovery that's great. Also stuck some white noise on the tv so that may have helped too :)

It’s normal. Havent read in full but if you haven’t tried swaddling and white noise together, it was a game changer in this house!

Yes it's a little hard to lie on my side..I've not had any bleeding since the section but after getting up from being on my side i bled everywhere! Through the pad, underwear, pjs , all down my legs and carpet!! Maybe coincidence it started then though..

Sounds very normal and it is a massive shock if it's your first baby. We are lead to believe that babies just feed and then sleep soundly in their cot for hours. It does get easier after the first few weeks once you've recovered from birth. You can share the load with bottle feeding at least. Say no to visitors, simple meals, prioritise sleep!

Yes it’s completely normal. My son was the same. What worked for him was settling him to sleep in my arms, waiting until he was in a deep sleep then putting him in the crib, if he woke up then I’d pick him up, get him back to sleep and put him back down, x 10000 until he was so tired he’d stay down. After a while he got used to the crib and stopped waking up as much when put down. I still had to get him to sleep on me initially until he was a year old.