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Parenting

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Original poster

2 day old will not sleep unless he's in my arms

90 replies

anonny55 · 28/02/2025 05:15

Please tell me this is normal. I'm EXHAUSTED so is DH. Night 1 in hospital post c section was just horrific. No birth partners allowed and all baby did was cry so midwife's would come in and say he wants cuddles from mum etc so pass him to me then leave. I couldn't move myself still and hadn't slept at all so was litterally falling asleep with him in my arms so called midwife in to put him back in the crib - then he'd just scream again. He'd had nappy change, obs done, bottles, winded etc just so unsettled. DH came to hospital as soon as visiting hours allowed so I could go to sleep but between all the baby's crying and other people on the ward and the 100 checks from midwife's wanting obs I slept for about an hour. Anyway didn't sleep a wink night 1. Night 2 we're home and he will just cry and cry unless one of us hold him. Get him asleep and try and transfer to crib he spends 10 mins in there then screams and screams😩😩 DH is also really trying. We're bottle feeding so we're both taking turns in napping then the other doing everything. It's DH turn to nap and I'm litterally falling asleep with baby in my arms. I'm petrified I will fall asleep holding him and the worse happen but I'm that exhausted I just cannot keep my eyes open😢 is this just my baby?! I love him so much but wow this is so so difficult and I'm struggling more than I thought I would😩we have a Moses basket and next to me crib and he won't settle in either. Tried white noise doesn't work. Tried rocking him in his buggy doesn't work. He just wants to be held😭

OP posts:

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KittenPause · 28/02/2025 05:21

That was normal for me yes

DS was stuck to me like limpet for the first few weeks / months

We got into a good rhythm though and slept at the same times

Your baby might have colic which tends to stop after 3 months but does mean baby cries constantly

Maybe try a different formula like actimel which can help

KittenPause · 28/02/2025 05:22

He's only 2 days old though

And thrust into a completely new environment with light and sounds so give him a chance

SomersetClimber · 28/02/2025 05:24

Sending a virtual hug, the first few days and weeks are really hard but hang in there. My DD was like this, my mum would hold her for a couple of hours so I could get a little sleep. It does get easier and you’ll be amazed how quickly you get used to functioning on little sleep. Have you tried swaddling him?

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KittenPause · 28/02/2025 05:29

I always slept with DS next to me though at first and didn't always put him in his Moses basket

gollyimholly · 28/02/2025 05:30

Big hugs. These first moments can be rough, but hang in there. Your baby is in a new world and feels safe in your arms. It IS tough. You are not alone.

Something which helped my DD sleep in her next to me was having something that smelled like me (mum) in there. New babies find the smell and skin of their mums comforting. If you can put down a pyjama top or something (in a safe way, not like a blanket but as bedding or a sheet).

Good luck OP x

KittenPause · 28/02/2025 05:31

It never worried me that I'd squash him or anything so I didn't have that concern because I didn't drink or take drugs

KittenPause · 28/02/2025 05:34

I'm a side sleeper and DS just sort of curled up against my chest and we just sort of had a rhythm and fell asleep together

MammaTo · 28/02/2025 05:55

Hi, congratulations on your new baby!

Yes this sounds very normal, tbh mine wanted to be cuddled to sleep for about the first 9 months until we encouraged him to self settle in his crib. I wouldn’t have done it any sooner as they really are still so small before age 1.

Only advice I can give is at some point you have to give into the chaos and lack of routine with a newborn.

The housework will sadly have to wait and if the baby is asleep then so be it, it’s a very short period of life where everything may not be perfect. Getting some sleep, a shower and proper food needs to be your priority for the next few months.

When I look back now at how much I fretted over not being productive because the baby wanted to contact nap was daft. It’s easy for me to say this 2 years down the line, but I promise you will be fine!!!

Glorybox2025 · 28/02/2025 06:00

Totally normal. You need to consider cosleeping until he gets the hang of being separate from you.

Overthebow · 28/02/2025 06:01

He’s not 2 days old, yes it’s completely normal. It can be normal throughout the newborn stage, my dd didn’t settle in her crib until she was 12 weeks old, my DS was 4 weeks. You need to do shifts, so for example one of you does 8pm - 1am whilst the other sleeps and one does 1am to 6am. Then you both get a decent chunk of sleep. The newborn stage is really hard but as you’re bottle feeding you’ll both be able to get some sleep if you plan it.

Superwomann · 28/02/2025 06:03

I feel for you, it’s really hard not getting any sleep but it will get easier.
For us it was normal, both of mine wanted to sleep on/ next to me the first few weeks/ months. We got in to a routine and it was cosy cosleeping, we moved them to a next to me when they were ready.

Readnotscroll · 28/02/2025 06:15

Agree with PPs, co-sleeping was the answer for us and actually lovely. Totally up to you about not BF but that did help as it was easy for my DS to just latch on and suckle whilst I dozed, and he would fall off the breast himself. That obv took a while to get to that stage! Congratulations

AmyW9 · 28/02/2025 06:17

It's so normal OP but very hard. The worst passes in the first few days and weeks. Google the Fourth Trimester and it will really help you, and take every bit of support you can get.

lastgreat · 28/02/2025 06:17

Agree it's normal. Safe co sleeping is the key. Look it up. Basically you sleep on your side, sort of curled around them, make sure no pillows anywhere near baby, duvet at waist (I wear long sleeved pjs to keep warm). The next to me is useful to stop baby rolling off the bed, that's its main use for me

I know everyone tells you not to do it, but it's actually so much safer than doing it by accident in an unsafe position

Waffle19 · 28/02/2025 06:24

Yes very normal. It passes, take shifts like you have been doing.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 28/02/2025 06:28

He's only 2 days old! Completely normal for the first few weeks.

We always just took turns holding them when they were tiny. If you've 2 adults and one baby then that should very pretty possible. Co slept from a few months but I was breast feeding, wouldn't do with bottles feeding.

We are on baby 3. They've all been tricky for the first few weeks/ months, this is the first one that's slept in his moses basket or pram, still needs holding pretty much all day. Get a decent wrap for the daytime to save your back.

Also a lot of tiny baby's suffer from reflux, try holding it up for 20 mins after feeding to see it it helps. Mine have always been uncomfortable if laid down straight after.

EverySaturday · 28/02/2025 06:30

Another person coming on to say it's normal. If you have a friend or family member who you feel you can ask, invite them round to hold the baby while get some sleep. It is so so tiring.

OtterMummy2024 · 28/02/2025 06:37

Get any family and friends who are willing to come and help. My mother in law came at 2am when we were both on our knees for lack of sleep. She swaddled the baby and that persuaded my LO to sleep in her cot. For us, swaddling was what worked but it isn't suitable for every baby - you have to find what works for you.

Sleep in shifts, ask for help and be kind to yourself.

Cocktailsandcheese · 28/02/2025 06:47

Yes this was what my daughter was like. I couldn't put her down at all for the first 4 weeks without her screaming. It was a horrible shock to the system as I hadn't appreciated how hard it was going to be. I think safe co sleeping is probably the way forward so you can get some rest, but do keep trying the crib. I think at the moment your baby is just adapting to being in a new environment. It's sooo hard...rest whenever you can, things will get better. Sending hugs.

MrsPatrickDempsey · 28/02/2025 06:54

All good advice above. Have you read about the fourth trimester?
It's tough but you won't be able to change your baby's behavior at all as it's the biological norm but understanding it helped me a lot.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 28/02/2025 06:57

Swaddling and a dummy saved my sanity.

If you're bottle feeding make sure your partner helps out lots as you've had major surgery so need to rest.

Cosleeping with a new born is risky imo and (afaik) not advised due to evidence around SIDs.

AppropriateAdult · 28/02/2025 06:59

It's completely normal, and Night 2 is the worst (look it up!) so congratulations on getting past it. It will get better, I promise.

greatfrontage · 28/02/2025 07:03

Swaddling and help. Can you afford to get a postnatal doula to come in for a week? Just for a few hours a day? Another pair of hands will make all the difference.

GodspeedJune · 28/02/2025 07:09

Please look up safe cosleeping. There are options like the C curl and chest sleeping, you just need to make sure the environment is safe I.e. pillows out the way, duvet no higher than your waist. Babies are biologically wired to be close to their mothers, it’s completely normal for them to not want to sleep alone in a crib.

Is breastfeeding an option? Cosleeping and breastfeeding will make for a much more restful night for you both.

wldpwr · 28/02/2025 07:11

Totally normal. With my second baby I just gave in to this from the start and knew I would be holding/sling-walking/cosleeping and it was honestly lovely. With my first, I was blindsided and struggled against it. This is how baby mammals sleep, I think.

Things that help:

A sling for naps
Lots of TV in the evenings while baby sleeps in your arms
An adult to watch you so you can safely nap while holding your baby
Researching how to safely cosleep in bed

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