2 day old will not sleep unless he's in my arms

[anonny55]

Please tell me this is normal. I'm EXHAUSTED so is DH. Night 1 in hospital post c section was just horrific. No birth partners allowed and all baby did was cry so midwife's would come in and say he wants cuddles from mum etc so pass him to me then leave. I couldn't move myself still and hadn't slept at all so was litterally falling asleep with him in my arms so called midwife in to put him back in the crib - then he'd just scream again. He'd had nappy change, obs done, bottles, winded etc just so unsettled. DH came to hospital as soon as visiting hours allowed so I could go to sleep but between all the baby's crying and other people on the ward and the 100 checks from midwife's wanting obs I slept for about an hour. Anyway didn't sleep a wink night 1. Night 2 we're home and he will just cry and cry unless one of us hold him. Get him asleep and try and transfer to crib he spends 10 mins in there then screams and screams😩😩 DH is also really trying. We're bottle feeding so we're both taking turns in napping then the other doing everything. It's DH turn to nap and I'm litterally falling asleep with baby in my arms. I'm petrified I will fall asleep holding him and the worse happen but I'm that exhausted I just cannot keep my eyes open😢 is this just my baby?! I love him so much but wow this is so so difficult and I'm struggling more than I thought I would😩we have a Moses basket and next to me crib and he won't settle in either. Tried white noise doesn't work. Tried rocking him in his buggy doesn't work. He just wants to be held😭

It's so completely normal. My DD was the same for months. We took shifts to sleep, me 8pm-1am and DH from 1am.
I also recommend looking up safe co sleeping I remember feeling o was falling asleep holding DD and was terrified. I didn't want to cosleep but reasoned it was better to have the bed set up so that it safely happened rather than us accidentally falling asleep hazardously.

It will get better! It's particularly tough because you are so exhausted and recovering from surgery. Prioritise sleep over everything else. Is there anyone who could visit and hold your baby for a few hours?

Is it worth trying breastfeeding so you can cosleep (following the safe sleep guidelines). It's likely the formula causing the issues (lots have cows' milk allergies when tiny and it gives them colic).

Oh sweetheart, it's normal. I know it's going to sound crazy right now but enjoy it. You will miss it when your baby is older. Please look after yourself. The first few months are hard xx

i found reading about the 4th trimester helpful. It doesn’t magic your baby to sleep sadly, but I found understanding more about why the early stages are so difficult altered my perspective and acceptance of the situation. This made me relax more and just go with the flow.

www.nct.org.uk/information/life-parent/support-change/what-fourth-trimester#:~:text='-,What's%20the%20fourth%20trimester%20like%20for%20babies%3F,by%20your%20protective%20amniotic%20fluid.

Swaddle and co sleep. Just you and baby in the double bed, DH gets the sofa.

It will get better. Just stay in bed as much as possible for the next 2 weeks and sleep when uou can.

@anonny55 yes completely normal. On night 1 in hospital I had to sit on a cold hard chair to try to stay awake, it's awful.

I haven't read everyone's replies, but when attempting to put him down, gently put his bum down first, before his head. Also if you can stuff a moses sheet between your boobs and wear it for a few hours, then put it on his mattress, it will smell like you and he might take comfort from that. It's very very hard!

Oh yes, and, as others have said, swaddle. Swaddle, cuddle, them very carefully put down.

Thank you all for the comments and advice. Glad I'm not alone here. I had to call my sister at 5am and just say please come just to sit next to me and hold him so I can have a rest. What a life saviour. DH has had 4-8am in separate room to get some quality sleep and I'll have 8am-12pm to catch up properly. I totally undermined everything. The section recovery is no walk in the park for sure. MIL is Also coming tonight after work to have him for a few hours 🤞🏽

Congratulations on your new baby OP!

So many valid points and advice from other posters on here.

I would suggest trying safe co sleeping. Baby has spent all its time from conception inside you, so suddenly being out of the womb and away from you can be/is major for them. They are also adjusting to a whole new environment.

I can imagine how exhausted you both are! Things are likely to get better but with time, but I understand it doesn't change what you are experiencing now.

Would also highly recommend getting support from any family or friends that you are happy with to come and help. Whether it's cleaning, bringing a meal, keeping baby company whilst you shower/sleep.
C section recovery is not easy and it is important to have support around for all 3 of you so you can give yourself the best chance to heal properly.

X

You need get over your anxiety of Co sleeping

Getting your sister round at 5am to watch your baby is completely bonkers moving forward

No one does that and once you realise Co sleeping is normal and safe you can lead a normal life

Sorry I'm bringing harsh but your family are being kind right now but moving forward they'll get really fed up with you and living like this is just not sustainable

It's normal but I would try putting him down in his crib more while he's awake to get him used to not being held constantly. Another thing that might help is after feeding and winding, swaddle him quite firmly but not too tight and place him down while he's awake.If he murmurs, just make a shushing sound or place your hand on his tummy. This will help him self soothe. Obviously if he keeps crying pick him up, but you don't need to pick up for every whimper.

Yes it's normal. He's spent 9 months inside you of course he just wants to be held and feel safe at 2 days old!
You will just have to take shifts for now. If you think it's unsafe holding the baby because you're falling asleep then have the baby in bed next to you- look up safe cosleeping guidelines

Dummy, swaddle, LOUD white noise

Yes, normal and yes, exhausting. Personally I couldn't co-sleep, it just made my sleep even worse. If you can co-sleep and rest, do it. If you can't, try swaddling. It worked brilliantly for DS1, being wrapped up so firmly seemed to really soothe him. And tag team with your DH - 2 parents each being a bit tired is so much better than one being fine and the other being broken.

Congratulations OP.

He's two days old. Two days ago he was still living inside your body. Of course he wants to be held by you all the time.

Don't worry about anything, just enjoy this time and do whatever you need to do to make your life easier.

Ignore this post, OP. Use your village, whenever you need them. I know my siblings would be there in a heartbeat for me and I'm glad yours have done exactly that.

It will pass :-)

Yes it's normal.
Don't forget he has been inside you for 9 months. The first three months of a baby's life is called the fourth trimester because they are still adjusting to being a separate being.
Being out in a cot alone is scari when you have been snuggled up warm inside the womb hearing your mother speak, move etc

Is there any wind, excessive burping, hiccups, the baby looking the he's feeling uncomfortable?

Have you had a check for a tongue tie? If there is any tie at all, you need to get it cut. Don't accept any fobbing off.

If the baby is not burping, you might need to get out as it can be uncomfortable when they're lying down. I found walking up and down stairs useful, or you can try the tiger hold.

The only thing I found which was like an extra pair of hands was a swing but a side to side one not back and forth

Aw. It’s a brutal shock when you have a newborn. But at 2 days, I don’t think our babies were ever put down. It must be a brutal shock for them too after the warmth and comfort of the womb.

I co-slept with mine. It kept me sane, but it was easy as I breastfed and fed lying down (and often slept throughout).

It could be the brand of formula you're using and causing him tummy pain?

Definitely check for milk intolerance as it's quite common and try swapping your brand of formula.

Perfectly normal, his tiny baby has been cocooned in a wee tight ball of darkness for the last 9months and has been thrust out into the world of light and noise, it’s a scary place for them.

your baby will settle and sleep will happen.

mine were both swaddled to keep them cosy as their arms waving about startled hem, however I do know you aren’t supposed to swaddle them now.

Your experience sounds like mine. C section, hospital stay on my own, absolute baptism of fire getting home with lack of sleep, ability to put baby down, my own recovery from surgery, falling asleep with baby in my arms.

It gets easier. For now find things to do to make things easier these you've already mentioned - anyone else that can come round to hold the baby so you can rest, shower, make food etc. Do shifts for sleep so take a few hours each. Plan on doing this as much as possible for the first couple of weeks.

In the first couple of weeks we also did co sleeping because there are safe ways to do it that are safer than falling asleep holding the baby. Look this up or I can give you more info.

In the day put the baby in the Moses basket for a few mins at a time to get him used to it, and over the next couple of weeks you can build that up so that he will sleep on his own which gives you some hands free time.