6 year old doing really well at school

[AlienLady]

My 6 year old is in the “top” of the class for both reading and maths.

How do I be proud of this without creating a boastful child? I want him to be proud of himself and keep going without boasting at school etc.

They probably have ability groups and your child is in the most able group. There will not be one child who is 'top of the class'. There will be a rough division into 3 or 4 tables based on ability which might well vary over the year

Agree. My DD1 was top in years 1&2. She's now in Y10 and is very 'average' in terms of grades. Not that we care one iota - she's beautiful, exceptionally kind, funny, talented at extra curricular activities...

Bless you, OP, I’m not sure the PTA class rep has much of an insight into the relative academic prowess of the kids… given they have nothing to do with teaching the kids 😂

OP, perhaps because it's your first child, you're not really undersatnding how it all works.

The class rep is a volunteer who really just usually co-irdinates teacher gifts or if the school needs volunteers for things. She won't have any additional privileged info on your child.

the class rep does tend to know ALL the parents so might well get some informal insight simply because Mary, Jack, Peter, John and Penny's mums have all mentioned their children are still stuck on pink level for reading and Stacey's mum has commented that Stacey has noticed that your DS gets a green level book when noone else has. Also, by definition, the class repo is also more willing to be engaged with what's happening at school so might well be getting feedback from her own child to a higher level or just meeting more of the children so has more to cmopare with.

Yes, the children do know, to a certain extent, who is doing "well" in the basics. "Jack is reading green books and no one else in the class is." "Mary and Penny always finish their worksheets before the rest of us and are allowed to go to the play area." But that's a fairly 2 dimensional view from a bunch of four or five year olds so I wouldn't consider it a sign of dazzling academic prowess necessarily. If asked, DD's classmates would say that she always finished first. But if you ask her teacher, her teacher would have said that yes, DD finished first and did a good job BUT didn't pay enough attention to detail and could have performed better....

Talk to him about what he enjoys at school, what he finds easy or difficult, what subjects he'd like to find out more about. This 'top of the class' thing sounds like quite a garbled message which you and DS don't need to take any notice of at all.

hi OP. so pleased to here your DS is doing so well. i have always tended to praise my kids behaviours rather than achievements; "you've been so brave taking on a new reading book", "i liked how kind you were helping Tommy with his numbers", "you're a really good friend to Bill", "i love how much you enjoy your writing tasks". i would also always reward / praise the effort rather than the outcome. my DS both had big 'treats' following completion of GCSE exams, and a smaller acknowledgment for the results.

Dear heavens the class rep?

You think the teacher violated very significant confidentiality processes and shared information with a parent ranking one child against others?

What planet are you on OP?!

This has really tickled me today on a day I needed a boost so thank you OP.

I’m not sure why people are assuming that I think or even care that my child it the “top”. They weren’t even my words. Someone asked and I told them that’s what the PTA told me. She mentioned 2 boys, mine being one of them.

My concern was: I was hoping it wasn’t my child boasting to her child or another child and how do I make sure my child doesn’t boast now or in the future. If I really cared about my child’s achievements, why do I care if he boasts and he can let everyone in the class find out? Makes no sense.
Everyone here is a stranger, why do I care if you believe he is or not?

The whole point of the thread was to make sure and to get advice that my child isn’t a boastful child if he does continue achieve.

I have got a lot of useful answers. Most what we do anyway so it has clarified that on our part and my child’s part, we are doing okay. What a parent thinks of my child’s achievements isn’t my concern. Like people say, it could be someone else next month/year. I just want my child to be kind.

Whatever tickles your fancy I suppose…🙄

Which means that 14 kids who weren’t in the top group also passed. Maybe some were in the middle or bottom groups at 6. Things can change a lot!

OP I don’t think you need to do anything differently than if your child was average. If he boasts then the other kids will soon let him know that’s not an attractive way to behave. Like others have said just praise his effort and his emotional/social skills.

I think the best advice I've seen on here, which I've followed, is to praise effort rather than attainment. We also try to instil the whole 'it's fine to be proud of yourself, and we are also very proud of you but no-one likes a smart-arse'

DS1's resilience could use some work as he's used to things coming easily; we are also working on that.

Or they were mostly the top groups from the other two classes. I know quite a few of them were.

Haha nailed it!

What I’d do is maybe contact Oxford / Cambridge now and get him on the list super early.

We didn’t really chat about achievements, more the about story lines and alternative endings. Everyone shines at different things, everyone has different strengths. Thankfully mine didn’t obsess over reading levels, they were caught up in stories and too kind to boast.

Honestly the fact that you were keeping tabs on not only the kids in the “top” group in your child’s class but the other two classes is embarrassing.

Why are some posters on Mumsnet always so snippy and argumentative? No wonder the OP has stopped responding.

When did I say I was keeping tabs? I just used to speak to my DD about her day and the other classes I'm not even sure why I know, I guess the other parents I was friends with must've mentioned it.

I did say my example was only anecdotal evidence, maybe my DDs school is an outlier in that the same kids have generally been in the top sets/groups/tables all the way through so feel free to ignore

Also I live in a fully selective county so I will admit it's possible we are more competitive round here 😳

I saw a TikTok which said to focus on how proud you are of his hard work, rather than the achievement itself. By focusing on his effort and hard work, you're encouraging both. The achievement of being 'top' is the lucky by-product. In life, he'll have times when he tries hard but doesn't come out top, but if you've taught him it's the effort that counts, then that's what he'll feel proud of and not the outcome.

So is my daughter but she doesn't know that she is. Not at her age. They don't say "you're in the top group" at school and we just don't discuss it. He'd only boast if you make him feel like he has something to boast about...which hopefully you don't.

My daughter has a mild physical disability so can't run or do sports as well as her friends. There's also a few SEN children in her class so we spent a lot of time talking about how everyone has things they're good at and things that they struggle with, that's what makes everyone unique and special.

Focuses the mind, doesn't it?!

Added joys of trying to gently explain that being ahead of the other kids in his class doesn't mean being ahead of the 11+ entrants

I'm surprised she doesn't know. I vividly remember being in the top reading group in primary 1 and of course we knew. Kids aren't stupid. When you see that the other group is reading books with 2 words on each page, you know why.

I remember asking my dad of one older child who was staying with us while his mum was in hospital "why can't he read that" when I saw him struggling to do his homework. He took me aside and had a word with me. I was soon chastened when I saw his maths homework was more advanced than mine.

You're probably right, maybe she does. Although I first found out she had been moved into the more able group for phonics because she was annoyed that she had been moved group and wasn't with her best friend anymore. That seemed to be the only part she cared about!

I praise effort rather than results.