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Original poster

6 year old doing really well at school

106 replies

AlienLady · 26/02/2025 09:09

My 6 year old is in the “top” of the class for both reading and maths.

How do I be proud of this without creating a boastful child? I want him to be proud of himself and keep going without boasting at school etc.

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retreatingheadlights · 26/02/2025 11:56

Precious first born.

MarioLink · 26/02/2025 12:07

One of mine is like this and it can be a delicate balance that I don't think we always get right. It is especially difficult as their sibling is not top the class and we need to make sure they don't feel inferior. You need to be careful that if school is very easy for them they do get challenging work somewhere or they can get so used to being the best and finding it easy that they don't deal well with challenge when it does come.

We do praise big achievements but try to mostly praise effort in things that are not easy for them. We especially praise achievement in sport are she is not a natural at that and we really are proud she still tries everything offered. We also praise her efforts on her musical instrument as she isn't progressing as quickly as her peers there despite practice. We try to make her see herself as more than just academic she is creative and likes sport too. We have made sure she isn't the type to shout out the answers in class and explained to her why the teacher usually asks them last when they have their hand up. We have made sure she is patient and helpful to others in her class but are watchful that she isn't used as an unpaid TA.

Itisbetter · 26/02/2025 12:11

Well it’s exactly like if he was really good looking. Tell him he looks great but don’t say “you are so much better looking that all the other ugly kids”. Smile give him praise for any work put in and have fun with the child you have.

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MarioLink · 26/02/2025 12:14

To those doubting knowing your kid is at or near the top of the ability range in a class we have had this made pretty clear to us since the second day of reception when different homework was sent home. It has been made clear at every parents' evening and a lot of the other parents have commented on her abilities as their kids have told them.

We do not get told this for our second child just basically that they are doing well and how they are in class. We are vaguely aware of who the very academic kids in their class are.

caringcarer · 26/02/2025 12:19

All DC are good at different things. My foster son really struggles with his reading but come sports day he's first in every event and in all school teams. His friend is not good at sports but brilliant at Art. All that Matt is they work hard and do their best.

SJM1988 · 26/02/2025 12:23

You praise him for his achievements and effort not in comparison to anyone else.
Comparing when he is top of the class isn't going to end well if he slipped down those rankings in your mind. All kids will move up and down that list naturally over the course of their school career.

Tiswa · 26/02/2025 12:24

It is a delicate balance and one which I think is far harder than if they happen to be gifted musically or in sport which we seem to be able to praise much more.

DD is now 16 and is academically gifted (top stream at Grammar) but understands that it is a gift and it doesn’t make her any better just lucky (and sometimes when she ponders why her peers spent all half term revising and didn’t leave the house I remind her)

she is also aware that she isn’t great at everything she can’t throw a ball at all and her music needs practice (but she enjoys it) and she does a lot of dance

Togglebullets · 26/02/2025 12:31

UninterestingFirstPost · 26/02/2025 09:56

I am trying to give my kids a growth mindset, so encouraging them to compare their achievements with what they could do last year and to think that they will be able to do more next year. So essentially that they only compare themselves with themselves. We also talk about who in tbe class is the friendliest and kindest, who listens best etc. and say that people are clever in different ways.
I was usually top of the class myself, as they seem to be too, and unfortunately what you learn from that is that you don’t need effort, or revision, or to listen very much. I am trying to give my kids a different outlook.

Completely agree with this very sensible approach. As well as those saying to praise effort/attitude

RunSlowTalkFast · 26/02/2025 12:35

BishyBarnyBee · 26/02/2025 10:38

It's quite old fashioned but they might have ability group tables. When my child was that age, the class knew that strawberries were the "top" group for maths and apples got extra support. A class rep, possibly with older children, might understand that system in a way a new parent wouldn't.

Try not to get hung up on it. Being on the "top" table at 6 is meaningless. They may or may not turn out to be academically successful. Many children are late bloomers who develop their strengths higher up the school. Some children who learn easily at first never get the hang of working hard and don't develop the discipline to achieve their full potential later in life. It's a bit cringe to be reading too much into it at this stage.

Edited

I realise it's purely anecdotal but when DD was in year 1 they split her class of 30 (year group of 90) into 5 guided reading groups and it was obvious that DDs group was the top group.

Fast forward to year 6 and about 60 out of 90 took the 11+ and a bit over 20 passed. The 6 kids on her year 1 guided reading table all passed.

crosskeysgreen · 26/02/2025 12:36

Hoppinggreen · 26/02/2025 09:48

Just do the opposite of what you are doing here and he will be fine

🤣🤣🤣

Burntt · 26/02/2025 12:37

Praise the effort not the attainment!!

My dd has always been top and her grandparents and father (my ex) always praise her for being clever. She's autistic and has no filter so has alienated potential friends with her arrogance now. Also when the others starting catching up it impacted her whole self belief as she has tied her identity to being the best.

I personally praise the effort. I have a low achieving child too and he works far harder for much worse grades

LouisCatorze · 26/02/2025 12:46

It's too soon to say though whether it will last. A lot of the top table children at that age tend to be autumn-borns. Their academic lead can start to tail off by KS2 start, as their spring and summer-born classmates start to catch up.

Also, depends on the class cohort and level of helicopter parenting and tiger mums in the mix.

mrsm43s · 26/02/2025 13:09

I'd just say well done as I would for any achievement. I wouldn't read much into it. At 6, it's highly likely that being "top" is more down to other factors (age, parental interest, house with good supply of books etc) than it is about being super clever. Be happy that he's got off to a good start, and maybe look at encouraging other non-academic skills where he might not be so good. For example, if you think he's inclined to be boastful, then there's certainly some social skills that you could be working on.

KilkennyCats · 26/02/2025 13:13

AlienLady · 26/02/2025 10:09

I’m friends with the class representative for the class.

Conversation went like this:
She said in her words “our child isn’t on the same level as your child and (another boys name).”
Us: “Huh what do you mean?”
Her: “Oh didn’t you know? Your child is classed as one of the top kids”
Us: “Oh okay”

Not sure where she got this info from. We were abit taken aback. Would love to know where it came from but not sure how that would look.

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The class rep?? And you’re taking her view on this rather than his teachers?
How the hell does a class rep have any notion of what’s going on in the classroom?

Spirallingdownwards · 26/02/2025 13:14

Continue praising him for the efforts he is making (rather than the results). Although some kids who are top stay top all the way through sometimes they don't as others catch up and maybe even pass him. There is nothing wrong with being proud of him but frame it as being proud of the effort he makes and the work he puts in.

If he is bright there is also nothing wrong to encourage him at home to read more or to explore interests such as an interest in space or dinosaurs or the environment. You don't have to out him down or dumb him down to fit in. But do bear in mind he could struggle socially if he is in a cohort that does not value doing well at school and suggest that while he tells you his schools he maybe shouldn't tell other children.

Echobelly · 26/02/2025 13:16

I think you don't really make a big thing of being 'best', just doing well.

Also perhaps encourage him to help others and to tell you what he did to help his peers - we seem to ask this a lot more of high achieving girls than we do of boys, so it's a really good precedent to set in that way.

WitchesCauldron · 26/02/2025 13:23

AlienLady · 26/02/2025 09:09

My 6 year old is in the “top” of the class for both reading and maths.

How do I be proud of this without creating a boastful child? I want him to be proud of himself and keep going without boasting at school etc.

FGS. He's 6 years old .

Middlepiepush · 26/02/2025 15:03

Get onto the admissions advisor at Cambridge without delay. There’s still time to get him enrolled for this October. Don’t want his talent to stagnate amongst those lesser brains at school.

1SillySossij · 26/02/2025 15:09

KilkennyCats · 26/02/2025 13:13

The class rep?? And you’re taking her view on this rather than his teachers?
How the hell does a class rep have any notion of what’s going on in the classroom?

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You think the school shares information about someone else's child's attainment with the class rep!!!
Her inside info can only be coming from her own five or six year old!

User37482 · 26/02/2025 15:11

DD has additional work given to her from the year above so I guess she’s doing well. I never compare her to other kids, we never talk about how she’s doing in comparison. We do praise all the effort she puts in. They know they are doing well theres no need to say anything about it imo. I take the “right level for her” approach rather than where she should be compared to others.

CatsChin · 26/02/2025 15:14

He won't be boastful if you keep modelling and praising behaviour that is not knobbish. Teach him to grow up as a thoughtful boy who takes other people's feelings into account at all times. Punish selfish, arrogant, twattish behaviour. Cultivate his nice friendships. Basically don't raise a wanker.

The other stuff is irrelevant really. But it's great that he's studious. Get him into reading books as soon as possible and he'll learn lots about the world and how to behave.

Rycbar · 26/02/2025 15:19

Praise effort over attainment. Children who are ‘top’ or ‘gifted’ usually have terrible resilience and will give up as soon as they find something hard. Develop a growth mindset that he should be proud of how his hard work has paid off not just that he’s a clever clogs!

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/02/2025 15:21

SittingNextToIt · 26/02/2025 09:14

As the mum of two very high performing kids in primary I'm interested in knowing how you know your 6 year old is at the "top" of their class? A school report at teacher meetings would tell you how they are doing and greater depth etc but how do you know their relative rank compared to their peers?

This. As a teacher I would never have told a parent who was 'top of the class'. In fact, I had individual records for each child but there wasn't a 'top'.

Original poster
AlienLady · 26/02/2025 15:54

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/02/2025 15:21

This. As a teacher I would never have told a parent who was 'top of the class'. In fact, I had individual records for each child but there wasn't a 'top'.

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I know it wasn’t the teacher. I don’t get much out of her during parents evening about my own child.
It was just taken aback by what this parent said. I wondered if my child was boasting or something… but that’s not my child either so wasn’t sure where she got this perspective.
Must be from her own child. Do other children know in class? I thought the teacher would keep it quite neutral.

OP posts:
YearningForAWinteryWinter · 26/02/2025 16:06

@AlienLady the teacher can't keep it totally neutral as a good teacher will try to give extension work to more able kids and accommodate their ability.
My Dd would be taken out of phonics lessons to do something else, asked to help and explain maths to other kids, got chosen for various extra curricular, won internal and external competitions so was often congratulated in assemblies.
Children will know who the talented and more able kids are.

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