6 year old doing really well at school

[AlienLady]

My 6 year old is in the “top” of the class for both reading and maths.

How do I be proud of this without creating a boastful child? I want him to be proud of himself and keep going without boasting at school etc.

What’s a PFB?

Encourage him for being 'good' at other things too, which are not performance related, like being kind, sharing, doing something for others.
Also make sure he has opportunities to be in situations where he is bad at something. We had to do this with my very competitive DS and crazy golf - he was pretty hopeless but we did not 'let him' win and he learned to be a good sport.

I always knew if my children were top of the class or 2nd or whatever, I'm not saying I agree with it but to posters doubting this it's not really unusual. Test scores are shared publicly, they all know who's on which reading level because the children discuss it, maths and phonics groups might be named after shapes or characters but it's still obvious which is the top one.

If he's inclined to boasting I would address it directly and explain that it's not kind to make other people feel bad about themselves. Get him to imagine what it would feel like to be the other person. That doesn't mean he can't share his test score and celebrate it though.

🤣🤣

I'll also give you a tip regarding classmate's parents (and yes, they will know who is consistently coming top of the class): in conversation don't concentrate on your child's marvellous academic achievements, don't forget to talk about the disgusting state of his bedroom, the struggles you're having keeping him off you tube, and whether they know a decent swimming teacher cos he's not progressing much with the current one.

Aaah, I hadn't seen this.

The class rep won't have any additional insight into the class than you do except possibly that informally she knows more families. It's entirely possible and likely that your child is, so far, performing academicalyl ahead of her child and many others. Certainly, again, at that age, it was obvious that DD's reading skills were significantly advanced compared to many of her friends because, for example, it was a big thing about what colour book they were bringing home or, on one occassion, a friend's mum noticed DD reading the subtitles on a show she was watching. Now she's 10 and it's a lot less obvious because they can all read and unless your'e sitting there talking to them about the book they're reading, how would I, as a random parent, know. Or, for that matter, care? I honestly couldn't tell you what the reading level of any of DD's friends are now with the exception of one child because I know her parents are int he process of having her assessed for dyslexia.

She did mention it came from a TA and her son being the first in his class to achieve certain goals or something.

I am so glad “top of the class” is seen as unhelpful and outdated now, though. I was top of my classes growing up- gifted and talented too- and it was crushing when my poor mental health and burnout kicked in, and I stopped being able to meet those expectations at a very crucial time at the end of school.

It’s unfortunately very common for “gifted” children to just be undiagnosed neurodivergent children with no support.

Edit: missed a word.

Praise effort.

If you praise achievement you run the risk of producing a child who gives up when things get harder rather than trying.

This is spot on.

You can praise what he does without detailing that others are beneath him op.

In both my dcs classes, I noted by the end of year 6 that approximately 50% of the parents at the school gates had claimed their child was 'top of the class.' What they had done was taken the skill that their child was good at and extrapolated it.

Dunno, maybe they do now, I was thinking back to when I was at school. At that age, the kids who were good at reading and maths competed with each other, they didn't go around showing off in general about how amazing they were.

Please don't think this is a boastful post. It's not. I'm trying to show how we navigate a similar situation.

My Dd got really used to being more clever than her peers at primary school. It seems everyone knew as I'd have comments from other mums saying things "well your Dd is really clever so..." even though I never mentioned anything.

The impact of this is that she finds it really difficult if she can't do something or if someone is better than her. It's getting easier as she's getting older but I've had to really explain to her that she can't be the best at everything and won't be.
Everyone has their strengths and some people will be better than others.
She's not boastful but sensitive about achievements and gets really low if she's aware that she wasn't the best at something (she's also very artistic)
I wish she wasn't as competitive as she is but this is the outcome of being aware of her abilities from a young age.
It's hard because all the messages they get from peers and adults is how great they are but you don't want that to define them either.
It's hard work but gets better at secondary school, if they're at a good school.

When DD2 was in primary 10-15 years ago a number of the more clever children seemed to have no problem at making it clear to her how poor her maths/english/art/sport was. This started in y1 and continued. 🙁

Kindly op , at such an early stage its unclear whether he will continue to be the best. Most

Yes, I agree with this too. DD found the first few years of school so easy, she's really struggled to adjust to the reality that she actually has to put a bit of work in if she wants to continue to operate at that level and she can be very sensitive. we looked at a high school that is academically really really good but I realised she simply isn't resilient enough to cope with the extreme levels of streaming they do there.

At 6 it's entirely meaningless - in the same way that some babies walk earlier than others, it doesn't mean they're the next Mo Farrah.

I would praise effort only and encourage work on areas they're not as strong, like maybe they could improve their patience or their forward rolls or tidying up or something.

It's quite old fashioned but they might have ability group tables. When my child was that age, the class knew that strawberries were the "top" group for maths and apples got extra support. A class rep, possibly with older children, might understand that system in a way a new parent wouldn't.

Try not to get hung up on it. Being on the "top" table at 6 is meaningless. They may or may not turn out to be academically successful. Many children are late bloomers who develop their strengths higher up the school. Some children who learn easily at first never get the hang of working hard and don't develop the discipline to achieve their full potential later in life. It's a bit cringe to be reading too much into it at this stage.

I also didn't know but found this thread. Looks like it's Perfect First Baby (or variations thereof)

www.mumsnet.com/talk/nurseries/524614-sorry-but-just-wondering-what-does-pfb-mean

You celebrate his effort rather than necessarily the achievement.

This is important because sometimes children who find school easier to start with don't have the resilience to push through when things get harder. So emphasise his hard work and effort first and praise that.

The problem with naturally very bright kids is that there's not much effort! The focus ends up being the achievement.

Always praise effort and progress, not comparisons, so:

Wow, you worked really hard on your times tables to get the app to go green. Well done.

You read some really tricky words on that page. Well done. I really like the way you are reading so much. It just goes to show how all that practice has paid off. Now you are able to read <insert name of appropriate book> all by yourself. That's fantastic!

Would you be treating/praising your child differently if you had found out they were just in the middle of the class?

If he's doing well, he's doing well.
Just be proud of him for who he is.
I don't think he needs to know that you are prouder of him for being the best - I'd leave that until secondary school at least!

I would praise for effort not achievement. A lot of bright kids find it difficult when something does not come naturally to them later on. They think they're not smart enough, rather than that they just need to stick with the problem longer.

There have been scientific studies - and I can't find any of them now, annoyingly - talking about how is you praise children (including at the top end of the ability range) for doing their best - rather than getting everything right - they want to try harder/more challenging things. So praising them for putting lots of effort in is a positive way to reward them that also builds motivation and self-esteem and shouldn't encourage boasting.

I guess I would also say that children work out if they are cleverer than their peers quite quickly whatever you as a parent may do! Having a friend who is of a similar ability level may help them feel grounded and more normal, as well as giving them someone to healthily compete with academically.

Top of the class is a meaningless phrase.

Highest reading book and knowing his times tables doesn't equate to "top of the class". There's a hell of a lot more to school than that.

You praise him for trying hard, for doing his best, for being a kind person, for helping others and so on and so forth, rather than praising him for the achievement of being top of the class or for being the first at that level on the app.
Always, always praise the effort because at some point he might no longer be top of the class or might not be as successfully academically as he is now. Sometimes other children will catch up or he might come to a point where things are harder and he isn't doing as well and then there can be problems if his self-esteem is built on being "the best" or "the first" or whatever. But if he learns that effort and trying his best is the most important then it doesn't matter where he is in the class.