Be honest…

[Alohamora7]

I feel like sometimes when I ask the nursery mums it’s always a competition and nobody ever gives a straight answer so of course I think I’m a terrible parent for not fixing it….

so… if you have a 4 year old do they actually sleep in their own bed all night every night (except illnesses etc) because has for about 5 nights their whole life and I am exhausted! Constantly coming in to my bed and then I can’t sleep because they’re kicking and climbing all over me.

I know I have to be persistent to fix it myself but just wondered if more people than I think actually have the same problem?

4 year old is still going strong with the co-sleeping here. Have just ordered his first bed and we are going to turn the never-used baby room into a dinosaur room.
..My eldest was 5 when she stopped co-sleeping, but with the promise that she could stay in our room once a month (this lasted until 7), I suspect little one is going to drive a harder bargain than his sister.

My son didn't really sleep a full night in his own bed until he was 5 and even then would sometimes come in during the night. I spent a lot of time feeling bad and trying to fix it (back and forth to his room at night) but now with my 3.5year old I know it won't last forever and I love having a cuddle with her during the night so I try to embrace it. I haven't even attempted to put a stop to it because I know it likely won't help me get any more sleep with the up and down and she is not going to be little for long 🥲

4 yo is only allowed in our bed if I'll or after 5am or if I've been up to her more than usual

She's still a poor sleeper and I end up in her room once or twice a night but not every night. She generally improved once we got her to go back to her room

Child 1 not really - though when she was smaller she’d want to be in her own bed with us sitting with her till she fell back to sleep. She literally never got out of bed if she woke, but called us in!

Child 2 - lots! He’s 5 now, and still needs me to get into bed with him sometimes after a wake, or he’ll wander into our bed at night. As I remember, it was fairly regular at 3-4, less so now he’s 5, but probably still a couple of nights a week.

sometimes we play musical beds in the middle of the night, but mostly we all just fall back to sleep. I don’t really mind, he won’t be doing it forever and he gives good hugs. If it’s causing you issues I’m sure there things you could to nudge in a better direction, but equally don’t be made to feel bad if it doesn’t bother you.

Eldest coslept a lot of first year (bf) but always put down for the night in his own bed/room. About 13 months started sleeping through and that’s pretty much been him (touch wood) he’s now 2.9. Occasionally he cries in the night and either dh or I have to go lie in his bed with him till he’s back asleep or very occasionally he wakes and comes through and ends up in with me but it’s pretty unusual now.

no2 (the baby) is 7 months and has barely slept in his own cot so we’ll see 🫣

My DC slept in my bed until he was about 2. Since then never! He doesn't even sneak out of bed on his own - he just calls mummy until
I appear though. Swings and roundabouts!

Didn't share a bed with any of ours but always had a bed made up on the floor beside me. We had one of those blow up beds with a sleeping bag attached. We put a blanket over it. Woke up many many mornings with a little body in it. Everyone got a night's sleep, child felt safe , worked for us. Every child and parent is different. Doo what works for you

My 5 year old sleeps in a little bed next to ours, she's our only child and refuses to go into her own bedroom yet, which I'm fine with we all get great nights sleep! I know plenty of mothers who let there kids sleep in the bed with them! I mean why not there only little once they won't be asking for night time cuddles when there older

My 3 year old has been in his own bed since 7 months. He's never in our bed, except for in the morning. We often spend up to an hour in the morning in bed together listening to Yoto stories.

Bed sharing is only fine if everyone enjoys it. If you're ruined with it and see it as something to fix, then fix it. Other people won't see the problem with bed sharing. It's my worst nightmare so there was no chance in hell it was ever going to happen. We absolutely love our morning cuddles though.

DS1 (6) ended up in our bed or had us on the floor/in his bed every night (multiple wake ups) til 4.5, then one night slept through and has ever since.

DS2 (4) same. Still waking every night, really hopeful that it'll just click one day like it did for his brother.

I'd hazard a guess that some of the PPs who say "never had a night in my bed, never knew it was an option" did not have horrendous sleepers. You do what you have to to get through. Take heart, OP, it's not forever. I never, ever thought my DS1 would get there, it was like an actual miracle from heaven above when he suddenly started sleeping through our of nowhere.

My DD has always slept in her own bed all night unless she was very poorly where I’ve decided to keep her with me just in case or she had a nightmare but I would say that’s been about 2% of the time, the other 98% she’s slept in her own bed. She’s now nearly 6.

My children are older now but when they were young we played musical beds, you just slept where there was space, I was never strict with bedtimes, often the children would fall asleep on the couch and stay there until we were going to bed, they sometimes came into our bed and dh would sleep in one of theirs, I either didn't work or was part time when they were little but dh had a manual job with lots of driving so he would get a decent sleep in their bed.
I know this isn't for everyone and most think it is ridiculous but it worked for us.

Oh and relationship with dh was and still is great, if one of us weren't happy with how it was we would have spoken about it and tried something else.

Nope! My 6 yr old still sleeps with a parent.

She's had spells of sleeping in her own room but she's always moved in the middle of night.

I figure she's still young and she'll get there when she's ready.

My 5 year old has only just started to sleep through, would always wake at 2am ish, so it has been easier to co sleep, or let him sleep with one of use from the 2am mark. But he goes to sleep next to us, with big cuddles, transfers asleep to his bed and only in the last month will now sleep until morning. I don't care about competitions, just what feels right for us. I also really like the big cuddles. The 12 year old occasionally still asks to sleep in as a treat. They grow so quick, for millennia family's have slept close together, so go with your flow.

Yes and has done (except for a short period at around two and a half) slept in her own bed since 6 months old. We tried co -sleeping just because it's nice sometimes but no one was getting enough sleep, we all sleep better separately.

@Ihaveneedofwaternear

I'd hazard a guess that some of the PPs who say "never had a night in my bed, never knew it was an option" did not have horrendous sleepers.

This might be true for some, but others like myself will have made a conscious effort to have their children sleep through the night in their own beds. I remember long nights and hard work to make it so, but it was hard work in the short term for 12 hours undisturbed peace for everyone in the long term.

Obviously not an issue for those who enjoy co-sleeping, but plenty of parents who don't enjoy it haven't just magically had children who sleep well from day one.

Mine preferred their own beds. We've never really shared a bed in the night. Maybe on very rare occasions or when one is sick or particularly unsettled. But I actually didn't do anything to make that happen. They just naturally did it. I also don't see them getting into your bed as a bad thing unless it is bothering the parents or making the child miss out on sleep. It's only a problem if it's a problem and I'd opt for whatever gives you the best sleep

DS1 made a concerted effort to kill me with sleep deprivation in the first 18 months, but by the time he was 4 he would generally be in his bed and sleep through. Might come in to us if he had a bad dream - he still does now at 8.

DS2 has almost never come into my bed, except when ill. It's just how he is.

My 5.5 yr old comes to my bed every night.
My 3yr old sleeps with DH in a separate room.
We started out cosleeping when they were babies and it's never stopped!

4 yo comes in about 5 am once a week or so. We have a superking bed to make parenting as easy as possible and he’s small for his age, so it’s okay.

DC1 was a thrashy nightmare to share a bed with though, I feel your pain.

@Yourethebeerthief I didn't mean any offense, sorry if it was your wording I used - there's more than one PP expressing that sentiment.

I know some people just never want to bedshare, and that they have their own routines and boundaries to make this happen, it's not just magic or luck. But on the other hand, there is some luck involved, because it's just not always possible to make a child sleep well in their own bed with just consistency and good routines. When you say "hard work in the short term", it's how short that is, how frequent and how disruptive are the wake ups, how your child responds to what you do.

I just meant for the OP not to feel bad; years and years of bad nights can be hard, and some kids never get to 12 hours uninterrupted sleep, and there isn't always anything you can do about that.

DS1 - consistently slept in his own bed (other than illness) when he got to 4. Before that he was a really awful sleeper and always in with us and lots of split nights

DS2 - 3.5 now and always settles in his own bed fine then wakes and we bring him in with us any time between 10:30 and 2:30.

Do I love it? No.
Will I miss it when he doesn’t do it any more? Definitely!

One was BF. One was formula fed. Both slept the same!

Absolutely and no offence taken. Just adding my experience x

I thought I was wrote this post and forgot I did 😂 4 year old and an awful sleeper.

My 4 year old has always slept in her own bed. She did go through a phase of trying to get into my bed in the night but I always took her back to her bed, she soon stopped trying.