Be honest…

[Alohamora7]

I feel like sometimes when I ask the nursery mums it’s always a competition and nobody ever gives a straight answer so of course I think I’m a terrible parent for not fixing it….

so… if you have a 4 year old do they actually sleep in their own bed all night every night (except illnesses etc) because has for about 5 nights their whole life and I am exhausted! Constantly coming in to my bed and then I can’t sleep because they’re kicking and climbing all over me.

I know I have to be persistent to fix it myself but just wondered if more people than I think actually have the same problem?

I would definitely say sleeping in their own bed at 4 is way more common than not.
My 3.5 year old has slept all night in her bed for the past 2.5 years, except the occasional illness and then we will stay with her.

My 4yo ds would go to sleep in his own bed. If he stayed asleep (about 90% of nights) he would stay in his bed until 5.30am, and then come and join me in mine.

If he woke up in the night he would climb in with me at 1am. And then star-fished taking up most of my bed.

Well mine is 2 1/2 almost 3 and been in a bed with me since the day he was born 😂

I’m tired but also of the opinion it won’t be forever so I just kind of go with it

Mine will always fall asleep in their own room, that’s always been the rule in the hope of a full night sleep but somehow they always end up in my bed!!

All my kids did at four (the youngest is 3 and does too. They did wake up constantly for the first couple of years but once they got to about 2.5 they have all slept fine.

Getting them to go to sleep was sometimes another story especially for the eldest.

Mine has never slept a night alone, but then again I've never tried. They're happier in with me and will sleep alone alone when they're ready. Children sleeping alone is a very Western concept. In many parts of the world the family bed is the norm.

However mine don't wriggle much so I sleep well.

If your want to change things you should start by transitioning them to their own bed in the same room.

I’m sorry, mine has been in his own cot and now bed since six months and was in a next to me crib before that. He’s 3.4 now. I don’t know if it makes a difference that he was bottle fed from a week old, so I never had him in bed with me for feeding on demand etc. I suspect it does. But then he was always happy to be put down for naps and I never baby-wore. Wasn’t against it he was just happy in his buggy or basket. All these things might be a factor to his sleeping habits now or it may just be luck of the draw.

We will share a bed out of necessity if staying in a hotel or something but he doesn’t do well with it, he doesn’t settle well and will toss and turn all night and I don’t get a wink of sleep.

If he’s poorly I’ll sleep on a mattress in his room. He’s never ever got up in the night to seek us out, but we still have a baby monitor and I’ll just go to him straight away if I hear him cry out.

My 5yo has been in her own room since 6 months old and that's that! Lots of wake ups until at least 2yo and I'd go in and hold her. I can't sleep with her in the same bed as me - she moves around too much for me to sleep and she'd probably fall out! When she's been ill DH has slept on her floor but that's only once (when vomiting).

My 5yo does about 90% of the time. My 8yo however still wakes my in the night almost every day despite melatonin and sleep clinic imput. He stays in his own bed now, but only because I got a pull out bed for me in his room (it's marginally better then been kicked all night if I let him come in my bed)

I had 4 kids. At one time there was a chance that any of them could have come in our room at night. The way we coped was having a cot mattresses on the floor next to the bed. They would wake up come into the room and go straight to sleep. I think it was just separation anxiety. One did this until about 8. We did what we needed to do to get a good night's sleep.

Sorry all 4 of mine never slept with us, couldn't sleep with them there.

I would suggest a spare mattress or mat on the floor next to your bed as an easy next step.

Mine have always slept in their own beds apart from illness or a bad dream.

it was always something I was very certain I didn’t want to start as I know once they start coming into your bed it’s very difficult to get them out of it.

Not in our house. Regular bed thief here and my youngest is nearly 5. She starts off in her bed but comes in around midnight usually. But I’m against the grain and like it. She feels safe and she sleeps. I will miss it when she’s older. But my advice is a super king bed if that’s an option. Couldn’t do it in a double as so squished up.

My 5yo was in with us part way through the night, probably 4 nights out of 7, until about a year ago. She had always been that way and there was nothing we did differently to stop her, she just seemed to stop waking. She will still come through when she's ill.
Dh used to get up and go into her bed when she came through because she is a fidget.

DS is 15. He's slept every single night in his bed. He's never even spent a minute in our bed. It was never offered as an option when he was little so it never happened.

My 4 year old sleeps in his own bed. He doesn’t sleep very much and sometimes I wish he’d be the sort of child who would go back to sleep in bed with me as opposed to us all being up at the crack of dawn. He can’t stand sharing a sleep space though.

My niece gets in with my SiL almost every night. Her older one will occasionally do as well.

All three of mine were in their own beds from the start. They've never slept in our bed, I couldn't cope with that as I am a light sleeper.

My son co slept 8 weeks old til about 3. From about 6 months onward I always put him in the cot to start the night and he ended up with me from midnight.

First because I would bring him back to bed with me and then later he was in a bed and would get out of bed himself and hop in with me. It wasn’t an issue as he would always fall fast asleep and often I didn’t even realise!

Just before 3 this started to decline and slowly but surely he stopped coming in bed with me on regular night. Now 4 and sleeps in his own bed every night apart from if he has a fever and he will come to me

Awww we always had one kid or other in our bed. Or it was us waking up and banging our heads off bunk beds and walls because we’d snuggled them back and fallen asleep ourselves and forgotten whose bed we were in… knackering at the time but just fond memories now!

What the perfect parents do or say, your kids will grow out of eventually.

My two are older now but never ever ever came into our bed. Even as babies. They would have been promptly returned. Never even knew it was an option.

Some do, some don't.

All you can do is parent the child you have with your own skills and personality.

You can bolster yourself by reading around and seeing if any parenting advice feels right, but ultimately this too shall pass.

Yes mine has but that's because they have stair gates on their bedroom doors so can't wander about at night when they were little, so then at 3yo when we took the stair gate off they never come out anyway.

The odd night they come into our room, I just tuck them back in their bed, there is no option to sleep in our bed

Neither of my dc ever spent a night in our bed! Cot in our room when they were tiny babies, own room after that.

I have 5 under 8, all sleep in their own rooms. Except for illnesses or nightmares, they don't leave their rooms at night to get in with us! If they wake me up i take them back to their beds, they don't just climb in.

I have four under, 6, just.

6 year olds x two my bed.

4 year old, half and half.

The 3 year old, makes the best attempt but is the loudest when she does bang on my head to be let in