Who decides on a name for grandparents

[M1418]

Me and my partner don’t have kids but we would like one together. I already have e 2 previous to him, however we had a discussion his mum likes to be called nana and me and my children already call there grandmothers “mammar”. I said that if we had one I would g carry on using the name mammar he disagreed with this and became very defensive and rude and said I was being a “Cunt” I was shocked when he said this and found it a little controlling. What do others think?

It's the grandparents who chose, because they're the ones connected to the name and who will hear it from their GCs all the time.

And what everyone else says. Do you want your future children to hear their dad calling their mother that word?

My mum said she wanted to be called Nanna so that’s what she was called. Do kids decide, as surely the gp is already being referred to long before the kids can speak, ie Nanna is coming to see you today, oh look nanna is here etc.

Just to add, i wouldn't stick with someone like this man, let alone have kids with him. He sounds horrible.

I let the grand parents decide what they want to be called

my mum is Nan or nanny
her dads mum is grandma

i wouldn’t push a name onto the adult or force a child to say it. You shouldn’t even be deepening this chat your not even pregnant currently and you don’t need to worry about it

Agree with the majority. Nobody in our family calls anyone else a cunt and this would not be someone I’d be looking to reproduce with.

Grandparents can express a preference. Parents would generally aim to honour this unless it’s clearly ridiculous or unsuitable. Ultimately often the child decides in the end when they start talking.

Who does your mum being Mammar mean his can't be Nana? Surely different names for different Grandmothers is easier?

This is what I was thinking.
I mean, it is the Grandparents who decide what they want to be called - as it will be their name - but it's much easier if you have 'Nan' on one side and 'Grandma' on the other, as everyone is clear straightaway who you are talking about, unlike if you call all grandparents "Granny and Grandad"

However, as everyone else has said, why would you even be considering possibly having dc with a lowlife that so readily speaks to you like that ?

My kids gp were both called the same but with their names added on. Like Nanna Margaret and Nanna Angela type thing.

Coach is the dumbest thing ive heard 😁

Anyway, hopefully it’s all academic as you wont want to have kids with this man, will you?

Raise your bar OP. Don’t have a child with someone who calls you a cunt. Ditch him.

I have just had this conversation with my daughter now that she has a 9 month old daughter. She teased me initially by saying they wanted to use Granny Annie ( my name is Anne) which I think is awful! Then we thought about what they called their grandparents, they were both just called Grandma and Grandad as it was usually obvious which set we were referring to, or we added the initial of their surname to make it clear if necessary.

My daughter did not really come up with an answer, I think I prefer just to be called Grandma ( I’m divorced so don’t care what my ex is called as long as his wife is not called Grandma as well) although I know that the other grandparents are called Nana and Papa by their other grandchildren. That would work, the baby could have a Grandma ( not a Granny though) and a Nana!

The other woman ( not particularly liked by my children due to her involvement on our divorce and subsequent behaviour towards them) will probably not have a special name, just be referred to by her first name ie Grandad and “wife” but it’s not something I’ll be getting involved with.

And? He sounds vile. Shouldn't be calling you that over a name disagreement.

And that's with me agreeing with him its down to grandparents to pick what they want to to be called.

I think you'd be out of your mind to have a child with this man.

And that it's selfish to knowingly bring child into the orbit of such an unhealthy relationship dynamic.

DO NOT have a child with this "man".

In fact, make plans to leave him.

If you think you should stay and "work on it" based on time accrued, look up the sunk cost fallacy.