Who decides on a name for grandparents

[M1418]

Me and my partner don’t have kids but we would like one together. I already have e 2 previous to him, however we had a discussion his mum likes to be called nana and me and my children already call there grandmothers “mammar”. I said that if we had one I would g carry on using the name mammar he disagreed with this and became very defensive and rude and said I was being a “Cunt” I was shocked when he said this and found it a little controlling. What do others think?

And until kids are old enough to decide, what would you call them, hypothetically?

We asked the grandparents and let them decide. My parents and his parents are all called something different (e.g. Nanny and Granny) but they decided, not us.

That aside, I absolutely agree with all the other posters that this is not a man to continue a relationship with let alone start a family.

Dump the abusive shite, end of argument. Simples.

Please don’t procreate with this man. Hopefully you’ve seen enough posts on here to realise what life looks like when you end up in an abusive relationship and you have kids. Domestic abuse is also recognised as often starting or getting much worse during pregnancy.

Absolutely this.

But yes, his mum should be Nana if that's what she wants.

Seriously, don't have a child with a man who calls you this. He doesn't love, care for you or respect you.

Well, I wouldn't be with him for 6 and a half.

To answer your question: my son and daughter-in-law asked us what we'd like to be called. Some of the grandparents are called the same thing, some are different. It's all fine.

That’s not a reason to have a kid with someone who calls you a cunt 😬

He's right in what he says that his mum should be able to choose what she's called (within reason) and that what you use so far is pretty much irrelevant.

But you shouldn't be having children (or any relationship for that matter) with a man who calls you a cunt so it's a bit pointless arguing over something that shouldn't ever happen.

He's a charmer, isn't he? As a PP said, he doesn't love or respect you.

I’d not do another year - and certainly don’t contemplate having children. I work with kids who have parents who speak to each other like this - the damage is horrendous 😢. Please leave x

Don't procreate with a man like that. He is not a good man.

when you find a man whose genes are worth passing on - Ask each set of grandparents what they want to be called. There's no problem if both sides want the same version, kids are always griwing up in classes with 3 Katys and 3 Olivers, they can cope with having 2 nannas

The grandparents do. Unless what they want to be called is the same (if that’s an issue) or just f-ing ridiculous.

My friend’s dad (who is a right twat) insisted on being called ‘Coach’ because he said he wanted his grandchildren to see him as an authority figure and advisor, not a grandfather. I don’t know what they actually call him, but I would have pulled the plug right out of the bath for its absurdity.

That said, it’s being a jerk, but it’s weird to call everyone the same same. Surely, your mum would be what she’s already called and his would be nana. It would be confusing otherwise. But he sounds way too unattractive to procreate with. Chuck this one back.

Why are you even thinking about having a baby with this man?

The problem is what he calls you. Think very long and hard about having a child with this person - his behaviour will get worse with the stress and pressure that kids bring and abuse is known to escalate during pregnancy.

So after 6 years it's fine to be called a cunt?

I'm nanny, my mam and mil are nanny x and nanny y, my grand daughters other nanny passed away before she was born, my daughter and her partner have decided that when they talk about his mother to her, she'll be referred to a granny, cause that's what she would have wanted.

Depends alot!! Moms mom picked her own nickname. She was grandma till i was a bit older but everyone else called her ma so i did too. My great grandma was wicky! She hated it at first. But her name was wicklund and my little tiny self couldnt get that so i shorted it to wicky. My dads mom was called by her first name ( and a few mean nicknames behind her back). Oh and ny littles have a aunt they call auntie yap ( mostly yap) cause she nevr shushess

The grandparents decide. The grandmothers don’t all need to be called the same thing - surely better they all have their own ‘names’.

He should not call you a name for a disagreement.

However you don't get too decide what the grandparents name is. The grandparents does originally sometimes the grand child then picks a name
My children had grandma and grandad (inlaws)
Mormor and bedstefar( my mum and stepdad and morfar (my dad)
At age 4 dd1 started calling fil for Grandfar and that became his name he loved it.

I will be Grandmama and dh Pops.

Kids work it out.

Sounds like you and your partner also need to work out how not to get your way.

Don't have kids with someone who so easily resorts to abuse. If this extremely minor type of conflict results in that reaction from him, I'd hate to think how he'd treat you when the stress of a baby is added to the mix.

Separately, grandparent names are generally up to the grandparents. I would have thought it would make more sense for each grandparent to be called something different from the others, rather than them all be called the exact same name. Something to think about when you're ready to have kids with someone other than the disgusting excuse for a man who happily verbally abused you.

Nor do I

This is it exactly! GPs get to choose, but he should not be calling you names.

Me and my partner don’t have kids but we would like one together. I already have e 2 previous to him, however we had a discussion his mum likes to be called nana and me and my children already call there grandmothers “mammar”. I said that if we had one I would g carry on using the name mammar he disagreed with this and became very defensive and rude and said I was being a “Cunt” I was shocked when he said this and found it a little controlling. What do others think?

Leaving aside the cunt thing for the moment, I'm confused - do you want any child you have to call both sets of grannies "mammar"?

If so, that's controlling and rude if his mum wants to be called "nana".

Also, don't you want them to have different names for different people? This is especially important if you have several different sets of grandparents. Having different names stops things being confusing. DS has "granny" (my mum) and "nanny" (DH's mum).

I'm really, really not keen on the name "nanny" as it sounds like a person you pay to look after your kids, but DH's mum chose it so I have to go with it 🤷‍♀️

Don't make it 7

This is a massive red flag. If he calls you a cunt about something so minor, what’s he going to do when you are faced with actual difficult decisions ?

What’s his problem with mamaar? I think calling your mum the same as his older siblings makes total sense and it’s convenient that it’s a different name to his mum so you don’t have to have Nanny Jane and Nanny Linda.