Who decides on a name for grandparents

[M1418]

Me and my partner don’t have kids but we would like one together. I already have e 2 previous to him, however we had a discussion his mum likes to be called nana and me and my children already call there grandmothers “mammar”. I said that if we had one I would g carry on using the name mammar he disagreed with this and became very defensive and rude and said I was being a “Cunt” I was shocked when he said this and found it a little controlling. What do others think?

I don't think you should be having a child with a man who so readily calls you a cunt.

Um yeah don't have kids with this Prince

Firstly resolving conflict should never end in name calling which is abusive and you shouldn't consider having a child with a man who resorts to this in a disagreement. This is a very unhealthy way to communicate and he needs to stop that immediately.

Secondly, the grandparent decides on what name they want to be called with discussions with the parents because of any strong feelings over it. My friend's Grandad felt he was too young to be a Grandad so instead they were Grandma and Joe. I thought Joe was his Grandma's second husband because of the name.

Grandparents decide what they are called, unless it’s something that borders on mum/mummy/dad/daddy and there’s already a history there. It doesn’t matter if your hypothetical kid calls OH’s mum something different to what your mum is called. MIL, my mum and my step mum are all different names.

he disagreed with this and became very defensive and rude and said I was being a “Cunt” I was shocked when he said this and found it a little controlling. What do others think?

I think you should have already left him. If that’s his response to a disagreement about hypothetical children and what they call their grandmother, I’d hate to see how he handles something bigger.

Ex-partner, surely?

Usually the kids decide what they call their grandparents ime.

It’s very rude to decide for other people what they’ll be called.

your dp also shouldn’t call you a cunt. Notwithstanding him being abusive, he is also correct. His mother can decide what she’s called, rather than having a name that you’ve decided for her.

Thank him for calling you that. He has decided for you your future doesn't involve him. Before you get pregnant and your dc had HIM for a df...
I hope the very thought makes you shudder op..

With our 2, we agreed with GP what they would be called, but our DC came up with completely different names.

Grandparents should choose as long as they're not weird and want a variation of mummy / daddy. But that aside, don't have a child with a man who speaks to you this way!!

In over 20 years together, my dh and I have had disagreements, but he's never even sworn indirectly as me, let alone directly and using such a foul term. There are hundreds of ways to communicate a point without being disrespectful to someone. Find someone who is capable of showing you the respect you deserve.

Yes I agree with PP and I think you are missing the point here OP- don’t have children with somebody who treats you like this. “A little controlling” is not how I would describe being called a cunt.

Protect your children from thinking this is what a relationship looks like.

You don't need this idiot. You definitely don't need him in your children's lives. You certainly don't want to have a baby woth him. Just what you've said here is enough to decide that. Move on swiftly.

Your posting history is interesting - you've either been with this dick for years and can't seem to end it, or you've dated a string of absoloutley knobheads and, frankly, you and your dc could probably do with a break from the rotation of men in and out of their lives.

This

Why does he care what your mum is called? Logically grandchildren would use the same name.

Calling you a cunt over something that should be a nice subject is awful. Dies he often speak to you so abhorrently?

I have been with him for 6 years

Ignoring the obvious issue here with the vile name calling.

I would say grandparents tend to decide what they'd want to be called, this may change when the child starts talking and something else is adopted - but initially that's how I've seen it done.

He doesn’t sound like someone I would want to father my children.

Why are you even with this man if that's what he calls you? It's not even anything to get angry about. He's dangerous. He needs to go.

Well at least you won't be wasting 7

He sounds vike, please don’t have a baby with him. Calling someone the C word is horrid and I’m pretty non fussed when it comes to swearing. But hate that word, it’s so aggressive.

however in our family the grandparents pick the name they wish to use when the first grandchild in the family arrived, eg my mum wanted grandma and my father in-laws first grandchild called him papa so all the grandchildren called him that.

Don't have children with a man who thinks it's OK to speak to you like that.

When i was expecting DC1 we asked our parents what they wanted to be called. That's what we referred to them as, d that's what DC calls them.

Who does your mum being Mammar mean his can't be Nana? Surely different names for different Grandmothers is easier?

My DC have Grandma and Gracious Grandpa, Nana and Grandad, Great Grandad, Gran and [name]. And until recently Grandad [surname]
(They never actually see half of them)

To put it mildly.

I wouldn't even consider having a baby with someone who called me a cunt. He would find himself dumped instead.

As for what to call the grandparents, it was never even a discussion for us. We always just referred to them as Grandma and Grandad X or Grandma and Grandad Y. No confusion and never a problem. It seems to be the least of your problems though.

6 years? Be bloody thankful you don't have dc to him already. Cut your losses and get rid...
Having a dc with such a man would be child abuse....