My son won’t hold his penis

[MuskIsACnt]

My son is nearly 3 and has been potty trained for c4 months now. The issue is, he will only pee with mum or dad holding down his penis (to stop pee going everywhere).

He starts nursery in a couple of weeks so really needs to start holding down his own penis asap, but he absolutely refuses and gets quite upset at the idea.

He’ll touch his penis so that’s not the issue, the issue is only with peeling.

He says he doesn’t want to get pee on his hands, so I’ve let pee get on my hands and shown him it’s not a big deal we just wash it off. I’ve tried making it fun, different peeling positions, peeing target practice etc., but nothing works.

I’m at a total loss and so worried he’ll be distressed and hold urine at nursery because they (rightly) won’t hold his penis. Does anyone have any suggestions?

He’s otherwise bright, capable, no sensory/other issues.

Just to highlight my own post again for you OP.

This is the answer you're looking for. Your son can be taught to do this no bother, you just need to take the time to teach him. I know my son is fine but just needs to do this to get the pee where it needs to go. If you think your son has an actual medical issue then do get him seen but in the meantime teach him how to pee down into the toilet with a reward of some kind or chocolate button each time he does it. He still needs to learn. Lots of little boys need to point their penis down a bit when they pee. Totally normal.

Of course it’s odd. She couldn’t have discussed with a HV, GP or friends/family with boys of their own how they managed? Had to come to a forum talking about the ins and outs of who’s holding who’s penis down and asking what other little boys do.. it’s just odd.

Not all, depends on the length I think, if there is enough to hang down. A lot of variation!

OP, can he hold it between his fingers with his hand flat, eg the way people hold a cigarette? If his hand is flat against his body he shouldn't get pee on it? Or use some tissue to hold it down?

@MuskIsACnt My just turned 3 year old is the same. He only really sits down but unless he holds it down (or we do), it tends to spray everywhere. This is using a child seat on a normal toilet. He’s getting better at holding it down himself but still usually wants us to do it so no real advice but you’re not alone

@BackAgainSlimLady

It's not odd in the slightest. She's looking for potty training help. If her child is peeing on the toilet but can't go without assistance and is starting nursery soon he is not completely potty trained, and the OP is rightly worried it will cause her child anxiety and discomfort.

She's looking for advice. Posts like yours are beyond unhelpful.

Many men sit to wee too!

That’s funny because I strictly remember when a post was removed for a parent wanting help as their DD found clothes uncomfortable.. the post was taken down and the posted was banned for it being ‘odd’. The post was literally about sensory issues but because it was involving pairs of pants it was deemed odd.. but talking about holding toddlers penises is absolutely fine?

beats me but as you wish.

@BackAgainSlimLady

What's your point? Perhaps that post was flagged and removed because Mumsnet looked behind the scenes and found a PBT.

If you have a problem with the thread, report it. Stop bothering OP when she's looking for advice. I know exactly what she's talking about out and so I've offered advice.

When he is sitting on the loo to wee he needs to make sure it is pointing down the toilet and then put his legs together so it stays down
have had situation with grandson where wee went across the bathroom instead
I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten- have had 3 sons and four grandsons

I’ve already reported it, but it’s obviously been ignored.

MN would have looked in the background and seen a genuine poster who had been on MN for several years.

My son is 2 and a half and started potty training at just under 2. It did take a few months until he reliably pushed his Willy down when sitting for a pee. We just kept telling him to do it.

The nursery teachers didn't want to do it so we just packed a lot of spare clothes each day, as he'd inevitably pee over the seat. It took a few months and now he reliably always pushes it down himself. So I would say, you just need to keep showing him, guide his hand and tell him to hold it down otherwise he'll get all wet.

That's what we did and it's not an issue now at all. It probably took 3 months for him to get it right with no mess. Or maybe a little longer.

My son was like this for ages! At home he would make me poke it down into the toilet for him, I have no idea what he did at school but school never said anything. Eventually he started doing it himself.

I would just roll with it OP, it will be ok.

@BackAgainSlimLady

MN would have looked in the background and seen a genuine poster who had been on MN for several years.

Right... so what's the problem?

No, absolutely not. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your boy.

If my boy doesn't push it down, wee goes everywhere !

The banned .. them with no explanation for a genuine post about clothing.. but this toddler penis holding post is fine? Just doesn’t make sense to me.

He should be sitting if he's using a loo. It has a seat for a reason. He can stand at a urinal. If he sits, he does t need to hold anything and it all goes down the loo. Easy.

@BackAgainSlimLady

Right well if you've reported and it's not being taken down, maybe move on and leave the thread for posters like me and others who are actually giving the OP advice.

He is sitting. It's you who isn't understanding the OP's question.

My DS was worried too about urine, we compromised with him taking 1 finger and just gently pushing on the base of his penis. This meant the urine went downwards and his finger was nowhere near the urine.

Exactly the same as my son. I'm sure lots of little boys need to do the same.

@notevenasmidgen the OP didn't say that. Clearly a drip feed.

This happened to my toddler son (40 years ago). He was referred to urology and found to have a tight foreskin, (and a lot of skin there).

The doctor retracted the foreskin there and then, and said to gently retract it in the bath and it would soon ease and no longer cause the spray effect. Must have worked because there were no more problems.

The spray can be directed into the bowl by gently laying the flat of the hand over the lower belly above the penis at the top of pubic area, so not actually handling his penis until he's ready, just directing the flow with gentle pressure from above.

Ignore posters saying this is weird. It's not.

My 3 year old sits and stands for a wee depending on how he’s feeling. But even sitting down he still needs to push it down so it doesn’t spray everywhere!

so I don’t understand all the posts just saying sit because it doesn’t solve the issue and ultimately it’s about him taking control of his own body parts for hygiene reasons so yes learning to touch and aim is important.

agree it’s not weird

My son didn’t like touching whilst going to the bathroom but worked out he could lean forward and it all was well. Once he was at nursery and saw other boys standing and aiming he wanted to join in. I wouldn’t worry - nursery staff are experts at dealing with this stuff.

Thank you for the helpful posts.

To the person thinking my post is odd. I’ve been to the GP as mentioned above, but I’d rather not tell people that know my son personally (eg friends/family) information about his toilet challenges, it feels unfair on him especially at nearly 3 years old, he’s not a baby. And the conversation would be rather odd without context! So I don’t think it’s all that odd asking about it on an anonymous forum.

I’m glad to hear it’s not unheard of for boys to make a mess. There’s a few techniques recommended here that I’ve not tried so I’ll give them a go.

I think I’ll try the GP again too.