2 year old won’t listen

[Luna59]

Apologies for the long post but I need advice. I have a 2 1/2 year old ds, over the last 6 weeks his behaviour has went downhill massively! Anything he’s told not to do he’s doing on purpose such as climbing, throwing toys, hitting other children, won’t get dressed, every nappy change results in a whole row. He’s also developed a few obsessive behaviours which cause a massive problem such as he has to go first through every door (which includes him wanting the dogs to wait) has to have all his toys tipped out from the second he comes down the stairs even though he doesn’t want to play with them, has to have all doors closed the majority of the time and they cannot be opened! We have two small dogs and he’s been absolutely horrible to them, any time he’s told off he’ll take it out on the dogs they’ll get kicked, hit, poked in the eyes or he’ll hit them with whatever toy is closest and get down and scream at full volume in their face. I have a group of friends with children of similar ages and he’s the worst at sharing he won’t let anyone touch his toys and I’ve noticed they all do misbehave as they’re still only young but they know when enough is enough and stop the behaviour. If he’s took down from somewhere he’s climbing or toy he won’t share is took off him it’s a full blown tantrum every time to the point where he’s banging his head off the floor or hitting himself in the face. Is this normal behaviour for a 2 year old or am I a pushover? He’s used to being the center of attention he’s the only grandchild on both sides and in their company they’re reluctant to tell him no to anything or tell him off for any behaviour and when I do infront of them they say it’s okay or he’s alright which definitely doesn’t help the matter as when it comes to hitting or dangerous behaviour it’s a no every time for me we don’t play hit at all as he doesn’t understand the difference at all. We currently use the naughty step but this has lost all affect now as when I ask him to do something he doesn’t want to he’ll hit the dog or throw something and just says hell go to the naughty step and take himself there thinking he’ll get out of whatever I need done

What will happen if the dogs bite him on the face ??

He’s told this every time but the dogs are extremely patient with him if he won’t stop hurting them we put them upstairs for a while so they can have peace and he can’t get to them

What are the consequences for his bead behaviour? Naughty step? Etc?

This needs to be nipped in the bud before one of the dogs decided they've had enough and snap back

You need to separate him from the dogs. That's really not fair to them at all.

Stop using the naughty step. There's a million reasons why it doesn't work.. it's so outdated.
Just immediately deal with any bad behaviour and hes surely still small enough you can lift him up?
Mine did go through a phase around that age of awful behaviour and he's grown out of it into a lovely 3 year old.

So you know he hurts the dogs but you don’t prevent him from doing it? Shame on you .

Also completely remove screens and sugar while you sort this behaviour out.

OP has already stated they take the dogs away when he gets in their face 🙄 you’re all completely focusing on the wrong thing

Two and a half can be really challenging. It’s good in a way because they start to get more understanding about the world but also with that comes this desire for independence and autonomy (hence the obsessive behaviours - it’s so annoying but it’s how they make sense of the world.)

I am sure it is not your parenting.

I will be a bit controversial and say I don’t think any sort of consequence works unless it’s immediate and can be understood as linked to the item (you threw the toy, toy goes away.)

My own DS was crap at shaking but did understand ‘taking turns’ (especially when the child’s name was used strangely - it seemed to ‘humanise’ them, so saying ‘oh it is sallys turn!’ Seemed to work better than ‘her turn.’ No idea if that’s universal or not!)

Lots of praise as always. It won’t be you, I promise, I’ve convinced myself so many times I’m a terrible parent and I’m not!

@CFOfTheHighestOrder
She doesn’t remove the dogs until they have been hit, kicked, poked in the eyes, hit with a toy and been screamed at. It’s right there in her first post.

ATM he’s testing boundaries - to see what he can get away with doing, with you, with grandparents etc etc. He’s also starting to go through a massive brain rewiring too. Which makes 2/3 year olds react in new and novel ways that they haven’t before.

Try and get grandparents to be consistent regarding behaviour - if they aren’t it send mixed messages.

For the moment I’d keep dogs and your son seperate. My eldest at 2.5 had a nasty nip from a dog and ended up on IV antibiotics from it. It also isn’t fair on your dogs to bear the brunt of his behaviour as you sort it out.

I would also talk about taking turns rather than sharing. Sharing is an abstract concept and toddlers just don’t understand it… but they can understand taking turns.

Let him have his tantrums. If they are getting too much for you pick him up and leave. I’ve let my daughter shout and scream on the floor on Sainsbury’s as I wouldn’t let her have something ( I also moved to the end of the aisle so she couldn’t see me but I could see her until she stopped ). I’ve also picked her up and carried her out of places under my arm. It’s frustrating especially if you need a bit of adult time - and it’s hard whilst you are going through it.

good luck !

@TallNeckedGiraffe I can assure you my dogs are more than well cared for 😘 if I wanted advice on how to care for my dogs it would have been an entirely different post, different heading and different category! The force in which he hits them isn’t full force and isn’t enough to hurt the dogs it’s more the principal of the fact it isn’t acceptable behaviour to hit anything or anyone. As for the poking in the eyes it’s an attempt to poke them in the eyes he’s two years old can’t exactly restrain a dog so the dogs are moving yet again it’s the principal. If his behaviour is too much for the dogs they are took out of the situation and they can also remove themselves from the situation any time they choose to do so. So thanks for your input yet it’s absolutely not needed.

I think you may have to consider rehoming the dogs.

@sushibelt please read comment above yours

Maybe you should have said all that in your opening post then. Or did you just say all that for dramatic effect?

She posted on parenting about her son, not on the Doghouse for advice about the dogs.

I know she did. But she’s backtracking on what she says happens to the dogs. What else is she exaggerating about ?

@TallNeckedGiraffe of course I’m not letting my 2 year old be abusive to dogs! That’s the whole point in including it is that’s it doesn’t matter if it hurts them or not the behaviour itself is unacceptable the same way play hitting doesn’t happen as it’s the principal. He doesn’t necessarily hurt his friends every time he hits them so should I also have included that? As previously pointed out to you this is not the point of this post so your input has been absolutely not asked for, absolutely not needed and absolutely not relevant.

Why are you laughing at my comment @Luna59 ? It's really not fair to laugh at me when I answered you in all seriousness after your first post.

I don't know if others can see or not, but you reacted with a laugh to my post.

2.5 is too young to understand cause and effect and consequences. That doesn't develop until after 3.

Naughty step is outdated and pointless at his age. You need to remove and distract everytime.

The dog issue-well they all need to be kept completely separated until baby is older using crates / stair gates on doors etc for both their sakes. Whether he hurts them or not. It will be awkward but you decided to have dogs and a tot and it's just what needs to happen.

You need to physically remove him with minimum attention each and everytime he hits and give the hit child attention. Consistency is key.

You also need to make demands fun, he doesn't get to decide whether he gets changed, he does get to race you or pick between the blue or green t-shirt.

Use hand signals and signs along side very simple verbal instructions. Once a baby can clap they can sign so you may find conversational signing helps reduce his frustration.

You need to learn about playschemas and channeling them in an acceptable to you way. Sounds like he is in a trajectory schema at the moment.

What other caregivers do is neither here nor there, the minimal time he spends with them is not enough to change what happens at home.

@Baileysatchristmas
She laughed at mine too.
Extremely immature person imo.

Perhaps his criminal convictions and expulsion from nursery?

Jeez, it’s a toddler being a, well, toddler!

@Baileysatchristmas nobody else can see the reactions.

You ofcourse are correct. But sounds like OP isn't interested in that view, let's hope the dogs patience doesn't wear thin and that her son doesn't become a statistic.

Ironic that the OP also doesn't want to listen to legitimate concerns!, I wonder where he gets it from 🙄

Oooh I can join the club with a laughing emoji too @TallNeckedGiraffe

@Baileysatchristmas @TallNeckedGiraffe @HPandthelastwish I don’t know how to state this any clearer I did not come here to look for advice on caring for my dogs, keeping my dogs safe or keeping my son safe from them. I know how handle the situation, there’s no concern for my son becoming a “statistic” I merely came on here to ask if there was a root cause for his behaviour or if it’s a transition a lot experience. Once again it’s the principal and the thoughts behind it that concerned me not the actual behaviour!