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2 year old won’t listen

56 replies

Luna59 · 05/01/2025 19:30

Apologies for the long post but I need advice. I have a 2 1/2 year old ds, over the last 6 weeks his behaviour has went downhill massively! Anything he’s told not to do he’s doing on purpose such as climbing, throwing toys, hitting other children, won’t get dressed, every nappy change results in a whole row. He’s also developed a few obsessive behaviours which cause a massive problem such as he has to go first through every door (which includes him wanting the dogs to wait) has to have all his toys tipped out from the second he comes down the stairs even though he doesn’t want to play with them, has to have all doors closed the majority of the time and they cannot be opened! We have two small dogs and he’s been absolutely horrible to them, any time he’s told off he’ll take it out on the dogs they’ll get kicked, hit, poked in the eyes or he’ll hit them with whatever toy is closest and get down and scream at full volume in their face. I have a group of friends with children of similar ages and he’s the worst at sharing he won’t let anyone touch his toys and I’ve noticed they all do misbehave as they’re still only young but they know when enough is enough and stop the behaviour. If he’s took down from somewhere he’s climbing or toy he won’t share is took off him it’s a full blown tantrum every time to the point where he’s banging his head off the floor or hitting himself in the face. Is this normal behaviour for a 2 year old or am I a pushover? He’s used to being the center of attention he’s the only grandchild on both sides and in their company they’re reluctant to tell him no to anything or tell him off for any behaviour and when I do infront of them they say it’s okay or he’s alright which definitely doesn’t help the matter as when it comes to hitting or dangerous behaviour it’s a no every time for me we don’t play hit at all as he doesn’t understand the difference at all. We currently use the naughty step but this has lost all affect now as when I ask him to do something he doesn’t want to he’ll hit the dog or throw something and just says hell go to the naughty step and take himself there thinking he’ll get out of whatever I need done

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 05/01/2025 22:23

Nantescalling · 05/01/2025 22:21

I hope you don't get any more grief from all these doggy lovers who don't seem to understand that the worry is your kiddie and not their pooches! They don't actually seem to be able to read and comprehend so not much point in listening to them !

I think the point is that any dog is capable of retaliation, which puts the little boy in danger.

NotaCoolMum · 05/01/2025 22:26

Haven’t read the entire thread but some of his behaviours sound like Autism Spectrum. NOT SAYING IT IS but it does sound like something you need to be aware of.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/01/2025 22:32

tHemax1 · Today 19:56
**
ATM he’s testing boundaries - to see what he can get away with doing, with you, with grandparents etc etc. He’s also starting to go through a massive brain rewiring too. Which makes 2/3 year olds react in new and novel ways that they haven’t before.
Try and get grandparents to be consistent regarding behaviour - if they aren’t it send mixed messages.
For the moment I’d keep dogs and your son seperate. My eldest at 2.5 had a nasty nip from a dog and ended up on IV antibiotics from it. It also isn’t fair on your dogs to bear the brunt of his behaviour as you sort it out.
I would also talk about taking turns rather than sharing. Sharing is an abstract concept and toddlers just don’t understand it… but they can understand taking turns.
Let him have his tantrums. If they are getting too much for you pick him up and leave. I’ve let my daughter shout and scream on the floor on Sainsbury’s as I wouldn’t let her have something ( I also moved to the end of the aisle so she couldn’t see me but I could see her until she stopped ). I’ve also picked her up and carried her out of places under my arm. It’s frustrating especially if you need a bit of adult time - and it’s hard whilst you are going through it.
good luck !
!

A rare thing: a sensible post!

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Tillow4ever · 05/01/2025 23:50

Do you have any other children, or are you pregnant? If so, maybe it's an attention thing!

Could there be a life event that's been a trigger for his behaviour changes, rather than just the terrible twos?

I have 3 sons. My eldest never had a tantrum at all - thought I knew it all then, that I'd got this parenting lark down, etc. Then came my second, and boy did he have some tantrums. Then my third - you've never heard screaming like it. But none of them threw things or hit people, it was more shouting/crying/screaming and occasional throwing themselves to the ground. I found with my youngest if I got my phone out, filmed him for a minute, then asked him if he wanted to watch the video of himself he would stop, watch the video and then tell me to delete it (later he would say don't film me to which I would say I won't film you if you take a deep breath and tell me what's wrong). I would always delete the films and rarely had to start filming once we got to that stage. I think the key was distracting them with something for a moment that gets them out of the screaming place and gives you a chance to talk to them!

I also found talking quietly to them helped - they have to quieten down to hear what you are saying.

I used to pre-empt the getting dressed tantrums by asking him to help me.... I'd then grab a pair of pants and say "ah yes, my hat" and put them on my head. He would fall about laughing and tell me I am wrong. I'd ask if he was sure because it fit like a hat.... and perhaps he needed to show me how to put them on. So he'd grab them off my head and put them on. Next I'd pick up his trousers and say "ah yes, I know what this is. This is my shirt" and put my arm in one of the trouser legs... and so on. He thought it was hilarious and that mummy was silly - but he was dressed before you knew it!

Choices often help nip tantrums in the bud too like someone said further up.

Interesting someone mentioned ADHD - my youngest two are both suspected to have ADHD, but not my eldest. So maybe there is something in that?

I agree with the other posters about the dogs and I think keeping them completely apart until he learns to control his temper would be better.

In terms of hitting other kids, that should always be punished immediately, even if you just got there. So say you are at soft play and he hits another child, you get him to apologise after telling him it was wrong then tell him it's time to go home. He will ask why - make it clear that soft play (or whatever it is) is only for children who don't hurt other children. If it happens during play dates, stop play dates for a while. As a parent who knows your child hits, make sure you are always watching him and look for his triggers to try to stop him before he does it!

Nantescalling · 06/01/2025 14:40

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/01/2025 22:32

tHemax1 · Today 19:56
**
ATM he’s testing boundaries - to see what he can get away with doing, with you, with grandparents etc etc. He’s also starting to go through a massive brain rewiring too. Which makes 2/3 year olds react in new and novel ways that they haven’t before.
Try and get grandparents to be consistent regarding behaviour - if they aren’t it send mixed messages.
For the moment I’d keep dogs and your son seperate. My eldest at 2.5 had a nasty nip from a dog and ended up on IV antibiotics from it. It also isn’t fair on your dogs to bear the brunt of his behaviour as you sort it out.
I would also talk about taking turns rather than sharing. Sharing is an abstract concept and toddlers just don’t understand it… but they can understand taking turns.
Let him have his tantrums. If they are getting too much for you pick him up and leave. I’ve let my daughter shout and scream on the floor on Sainsbury’s as I wouldn’t let her have something ( I also moved to the end of the aisle so she couldn’t see me but I could see her until she stopped ). I’ve also picked her up and carried her out of places under my arm. It’s frustrating especially if you need a bit of adult time - and it’s hard whilst you are going through it.
good luck !
!

A rare thing: a sensible post!

Not 'try to get DGs to be consistent'. Threaten not letting them have contact with him if they won't follow your parenting policy.

Nantescalling · 06/01/2025 15:03

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 05/01/2025 22:23

I think the point is that any dog is capable of retaliation, which puts the little boy in danger.

But that was my point!

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