2 year old won’t listen

[Luna59]

Apologies for the long post but I need advice. I have a 2 1/2 year old ds, over the last 6 weeks his behaviour has went downhill massively! Anything he’s told not to do he’s doing on purpose such as climbing, throwing toys, hitting other children, won’t get dressed, every nappy change results in a whole row. He’s also developed a few obsessive behaviours which cause a massive problem such as he has to go first through every door (which includes him wanting the dogs to wait) has to have all his toys tipped out from the second he comes down the stairs even though he doesn’t want to play with them, has to have all doors closed the majority of the time and they cannot be opened! We have two small dogs and he’s been absolutely horrible to them, any time he’s told off he’ll take it out on the dogs they’ll get kicked, hit, poked in the eyes or he’ll hit them with whatever toy is closest and get down and scream at full volume in their face. I have a group of friends with children of similar ages and he’s the worst at sharing he won’t let anyone touch his toys and I’ve noticed they all do misbehave as they’re still only young but they know when enough is enough and stop the behaviour. If he’s took down from somewhere he’s climbing or toy he won’t share is took off him it’s a full blown tantrum every time to the point where he’s banging his head off the floor or hitting himself in the face. Is this normal behaviour for a 2 year old or am I a pushover? He’s used to being the center of attention he’s the only grandchild on both sides and in their company they’re reluctant to tell him no to anything or tell him off for any behaviour and when I do infront of them they say it’s okay or he’s alright which definitely doesn’t help the matter as when it comes to hitting or dangerous behaviour it’s a no every time for me we don’t play hit at all as he doesn’t understand the difference at all. We currently use the naughty step but this has lost all affect now as when I ask him to do something he doesn’t want to he’ll hit the dog or throw something and just says hell go to the naughty step and take himself there thinking he’ll get out of whatever I need done

This is what you said in your first post:

he’s been absolutely horrible to them, any time he’s told off he’ll take it out on the dogs they’ll get kicked, hit, poked in the eyes or he’ll hit them with whatever toy is closest and get down and scream at full volume in their face.

How is that funny in any way to the dogs? he's taking his frustration out on them, he is, by this account, kicking them, hitting them, poking them in the eyes and hitting them with whatever he can get his hands on and screaming in their faces at full volume.

You need to separate him from the dogs until his behaviour improves.

" if he won’t stop hurting them"

Im sorry but this really leaps out at me. The situation where he is hitting the dogs should never arise in the first place. It shouldn't ever reach that stage, it should not be a case of if he doesn't stop then xyz.

How many kids do you have? I have 2 young kids and my youngest is the same age as yours and we have a large dog and no family help. The toddler flings herself about and has tantrums and similar but I would never dream of lettting her hit our dog. I am CONSTANTLY supervising, pre-empting and moving her out of the way. It's exhausting and sometimes I snap and get stressed so I'm not trying to say I'm perfect but innocent dogs should never be hit so you must protect them.

Please never ever let your child hit your dogs again.

@Baileysatchristmas yes but considering the fact he’s two years old he doesn’t have the best aim, he isn’t exactly as fast as dogs and doesn’t generally hurt them as I stated in a comment above. Once again for those in the back the bit I was looking for advice on is the principal of the fact he has thought about this and tried to do it! I am more than capable of dealing with the situation if it arises!

If you were more than capable of dealing with the situation, you wouldn't be asking on here.

@Baileysatchristmas i think you might have had a few too many baileys tonight as you cannot seem to understand what I am saying! I am not here asking for advice on how to deal with my dogs and my child solely i am using it as an example of one of many behaviours that is happening at the minute and asking is it a normal enough phase or could there be more to it.

I don't drink.

@Baileysatchristmas well that takes away your excuse for not being able to read my posts properly 🤷‍♀️

No, I read your posts.

I don't need an excuse. You aren't parenting your son adequately, and you're letting him torment two dogs.

" any time he’s told off he’ll take it out on the dogs they’ll get kicked, hit, poked in the eyes or he’ll hit them with whatever toy is closest and get down and scream at full volume in their face."

I'm sorry this thread isn't going your way op but honestly what did you expect writing this? You've got to accept that this would really shock and upset the average person. No amount of back tracking or asking people to focus on other stuff in your post is going to change that.

It is honestly really bad and if you can't hold your hands up and at least own that then people aren't going to be willing to help you as you're just upsetting them further by trying to brush something huge under the carpet.

I feel so sorry for the poor dogs.

It makes perfect sense. The two year old may be trying to hit the dogs but because he’s two, he isn’t. My DS would ‘hit’ me at the same age and it wasn’t remotely painful. However, he did need to learn it isn’t acceptable snd to learn better ways of showing his emotions.

I give up on this post because I think it would have gone better if @Luna59 had said her DS was hitting her. Mentioning pets on here does get everyone worked up.

@bothbusyandbored maybe people are 'worked up' because it's not fair on the poor dogs and also not fair on the child who is not being parented properly and could therefore be at risk of a dog bite. And dog bites are serious. I can't believe you think the 2 scenarios are comparable. My toddler hits me but I'm hardly going to give her a huge bite in return am I. Not the same thing at all!

@Baileysatchristmas I’m not parenting adequately according to you, well what about the poster on up that has said her child has got bit by her dog? Is she also not parenting adequately? How are you aware my dogs are being tormented? I can assure you they have a more than happy life and are well cared for and are not being tormented so thanks for all your unbelievably valuable inputs but they have not been needed nor where they what I asked for.

@bakewellbride i can assure you my child is being parented more than properly. My son is never in any danger doing this and no harm comes to my dogs so once again since you can’t seem to understand it either I am not here for advice on the dog situation solely I was here for advice on the behaviour as a whole. To a 2 year old there would be very little difference in hitting a person and a dog so you must also not be parenting properly if I’m not 🤭

Yeah would have been good to know

That's very rude

Normal

@sushibelt once again it was not the behaviours it was the principal behind of it knowing it was not acceptable. If you had a two years old who hit you but didn’t hurt you or tried to throw something at you would you let the initial behaviour slide as you weren’t hurt? I don’t think so, so therefore you are once again working off the principal of the action

..............once again for those in the back

Gosh OP you're getting angry easily.

My son is never in any danger doing this and no harm comes to my dogs

I'm not sure that you're right about that. Your dogs could retaliate, and that puts your son in danger.

And it sounds like your dogs are being harmed. You said so yourself in your OP.

100% this. Especially giving immediate consequences.

From experience, all of these behaviours can be extremely normal and is just him exerting his independence!

For me it lasted around 6 months with my little girls, and my coping techniques were:

• Don't threaten something you can't follow through with ("if you do that again we're not going to granny's later", for example which of course will still happen)
• Give an option of two things, the one you want to happen the more favourable one. "You can either sit down and eat dinner or help me tidy toys up"
• Very firm boundaries and always always follow through.
• Distractions are everything. Oh you're screaming because you don't want to put your trousers on, let's make a game out of it or have a race, or read a book whilst we're doing it.

It's a long hard slog but it doesn't last forever. I'm guessing he's a good communicater and advanced at speaking already? I think it kicks in earlier for these kids and is a much easier ride at 3 years of age

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne im not angry it’s just slightly frustrating when people cannot seem to understand a post. Well fortunately for me i am sure on that actually so thank you for your concern. As for my dogs being harmed as I have once again stated above my dogs are free to remove themselves from any situation so no harm is actually coming to them so yet again it is the principal and the intent I am focussing on.

It's a phase. I've three kids and the terrible twos are a real thing: if they aren't terrible at two they'll be terrible by three!

@How to talk so little kids will listen" is a great book which I found very helpful at this age.

Being positive, providing distraction and being playful is more important than having consequences at this age I believe. I'm not against consequences at the older ages at all but ultimately different strategies work to get you through these fun but challenging toddler to preschooler years.

Oh my goodness I could have almost written this myself.
We've had shouting and screaming and 'hitting' (tends to be more of a swipe but the intent is the same). I think TV has definitely made it worse, so we're trying to limit that back again. We usually don't have time, but over the Christmas break there's been a lot more. 🤷🏼‍♀️
We've tried naughty step, and taking toys away. But I remove one toy and he offers up another to go with it.
This evening he missed out on a sleepover at Granny's because he didn't do as he was told. It's exhausting and I also thought it was just me.
I'm afraid I have no advice, but some of these ideas seem to be helpful. We do try to offer alternatives rather than 'you need to do this' if possible. And we're encouraging more independent things, such as getting dressed with us helping, but he picks the clothing.
Hopefully it'll end soon 🤞

Agreed

I am really sorry, this sounds very stressful. I'm interested in his demands around the doors and the toys and not picking up the cues around the dogs.

I didn't read all the replies as they seemed very dog focused but anyway, imo his response to the dogs is typical for a child who doesn't pick up on social cues. Suggest you read "The out of Synch Child" book to give you some ideas to help him.

Please don't use the naughty step. It is supposed to be for kids of 3 and older anyway, but I suspect that your son needs a lot more help than being left on his own to work out what he did. I have 2 children who benefited hugely from the Out of Synch Child book. It's an absolute classic and will help you see your son's behaviours in a different light. Not naughty, just disregulated and needing support.

I hope you don't get any more grief from all these doggy lovers who don't seem to understand that the worry is your kiddie and not their pooches! They don't actually seem to be able to read and comprehend so not much point in listening to them !