Do you regret having one child?

[Onechild]

I have a 1 year old DD and she is my world. I have lots of time to have a second child as I'm in my 20s. However, I'm too traumatised by pregnancy and childbirth to have another. I can't face it. I don't know anyone who is an only child. Does your child enjoy being an only child? Especially if they are school aged or an adult.

Aw poor you. Birth trauma is so hard. Plus, she's still only one. The trauma is still very recent and you probably haven't had time to process it, given you've been focusing on your baby for the last 11 months. Could you talk to a professional about it? I am sure your HV or GP could point you in the direction of some birth trauma counselling - whether or not you plan for a second child, this would hopefully help you to process what happened and you might feel a bit better about it all.

It took me 4 years to feel brave enough to try for a second. There are four years and 10 months between my children. (Lovely age gap actually, they're 9 and 4 now). I'm glad I did it but I was honest with my midwives from the start about my severe anxiety around a second birth. I cried and fell apart at my 12 wk scan. In the end they worked with me to give me a more controlled experience second time round (an elective section) and it was like night and day to my first birth experience.

To your question though - if you only feel able to have one child, that is absolutely fine and your daughter will grow up to be just as lovely as she would if she had a sibling. There is no right or wrong when it comes to how many children you have. I just think if you dealt with your birth trauma, you might have a clearer picture of what you want and/or what you can cope with.

I have 2 DCs and I've always known I wanted 2 but I, myself, am an only child and I love it. I never felt lonely or like I was missing out growing up and I remember telling my parents I never wanted them to have another child because I liked it being just me.
On the other hand if you do want another then as PP said maybe chat with a professional. It doesn't make it any easier but you won't necessarily have a hard second pregnancy and birth because you did first time.
Ultimately it's up you obviously but either way your DD will feel loved and happy.

Dd is 11 and my only child (I have dsc) and honestly I would NEVER have another child myself.

For me labour was easy. I had a patient controlled epidural and although I had a huge allergic reaction to the pessary induction labour went mostly ok. Dd had to have a head clip monitor because she was fidgeting and the normal monitors couldn't keep track of her so kept setting off the alarms, the clip tore me in an area where there was a very high concentration of blood vessels. I lost over a litre of blood and the room looked like a massacre had occurred but I was fine thankfully.

however, pregnancy was horrific. I had HG and PGP. I literally threw up for about 22 out ofb24 hours a day from being 5 weeks pregnant til 25 minutes after I gave birth. I had hospital admissions for fluids, injections for antisickness meds, pills daily and nothing stopped me being sick. I have never in my life felt so ill.

I was so adamant ibwssnt doingnit again that when dd was 13 months old I was sterilised.

We only ever wanted one, are very happy with only one and DS says he is glad he doesn't have a sibling and, when the time comes, he only wants one.

My 5yo is very happy. If asked, she says she'd like a sibling, but unfortunately it's unlikely to happen for medical reasons. Don't feel pressured into having more than one if it will negatively impact you x

No I have never regretted it

I have one child (now adult)
He had a great childhood, loads of friends, and was extremely sociable, so he was never lonely.

No regrets here!

I was lucky to have had no issues conceiving, relatively easy pregnancy and childbirth, but have always felt content with one

I'm an only child.

In recent years I'm overwhelmed caring for my parents. I love them, it's my choice but I wish there was someone else who understood.

I chose to have two children. I always wanted two children.

My pregnancies were horrible and I also had repeat miscarriages. I'm thrilled to have my two children and would do it all again, but looking back, I'm so glad that part of parenthood is over with. It isn't a happy time to reflect on, that part.

If you decide to go for a second child, try to build up a group of people who can support you and advocate for you. Talk, be clear about what you need and ask others to be there with you if you're feeling scared to help express your wishes clearly to the staff

Never regretted it at all.

Thank you so much everyone for your kind replies. I'm glad your only children have a good social life!

@Greentomatoes21 the birth/labour was scary and very long, but the pregnancy was horrendous. I was so ill and in so much pain. Then the PPD. I felt abandoned by health professionals once baby was out of me. The physical recovery was long and difficult too and health visitors and doctors just told me it was normal (I know it wasn't normal). I always envisioned having two children, but the thought of being pregnant again terrifies me. Maybe it would help to speak to someone unrelated to all of this.

@Ihatelittlefriendsusan I was always very sick during pregnancy. Just got told to get on with it and had to beg for anti sickness medicine.

It never occurred to me to have a second child. To be honest, I find it quite odd that so many people have more than one.

I have one child, 10 yrs old.

Personally I love it and it just works for us. Child is absolutely fine, has lots of friends and cousins. In fact has a better social life than me.

Most of our friends have one. It's the norm these days.

I know what you mean about feeling abandoned after the birth. I was taken uo to the postnatal ward at about 130am on the Saturday morning. I had been nil by mouth since 6pm Thursday and had lost a not insignificant amount of blood. I suffer with hyperinsulineamia so my sugar levels were low. I wasn't offered any food or drinks. I was 33 and a ftm, not a single member of staff came anywhere near me. I wasn't offered help to bf, I had been stitched up without a aesthetic as the epidural had worn off and I am allergic to codeine so couldn't have anything else they had available. As a result my labia and vagina were on fire with every movement. I wasn't given the alarm to alert the staff. The NHS is woefully understaffed now. But it was no better 11 years ago!

It's awful that you had to fight. I was lucky that my gp was brilliant. It shouldn't be like that! I think in my case it was easy to see the physical impact of the HG. I was 15 stone when I went to EPU, they confirmed I was 6 weeks when gp referred me to check all was OK. I was classed as geriatric and due to how sick i was they wanted to check for twins. When I went to my midwife booking in appointment at 11 weeks, I was down to 12 stone. The rapid weight loss was massively visible but also meant I had a baby bump from about 8 weeks pregnant.

It became a bit easier when Catherine Middleton had George. She was so ill and it brought a lot of awareness to HG and how much it impacts a pregnant woman. That awareness has ebbed in recent years.

I don't regret for a single second stopping at 1. There is nothing in the world that would have persuaded me to have a second child.

There is nothing wrong with just having 1.

We only have 1. We love her dearly but she is hard work (ASD/ADHD). DH and I have always worked FT outside the home while supporting her achieve her potential. Including on various sports fields. And both of us have always had a fair few overseas travel commitments for work. While living 2.5 hours from our extended family, so managed it all alone and with some paid support.

Dd is now 19 years old, did really well last summer in her school leaving exams, is going to Uni overseas, drivers herself to various training sessions when she's home, and having won national medals for 1 sport in her teens and another set of medals as a senior in a different sport last summer, she got her international cap and a player of the match award (unusual for her position) in her main sport earlier this month on the other side of the world. She cooks for herself, manages her laundry and shopping at uni, manages her money well and is a thoroughly lovely young adult.

I don't think we'd have managed more than 1 and kept our sanity, but I am delighted that I am a mom to her.

My first birth was horrific due to poor care. I went to my gp before getting pregnant and he referred me to the consultant to get a C-section agreed before conceiving. My notes explained a lot so he apologised and agreed. Then I got pregnant with twins and they were breach so C-section was the only option. I did find the second birth quite healing but your decision needs to be your own and what worked for me isn’t necessarily right for you. It’s also okay not to decide anything yet (dd1 was 2.5 before I even considered it and at 1yo she was going to be an only dc).

Wouldn't consider a 2nd now. I've had to do too much alone so sorry not willing to do all that work again!

Also there is something about children arguing that sets my teeth on edge. I'm not a very tolerant person.

My DC is 4, and my 1 regret is not giving him a sibling.
I was 38 when I had my son, I never thought I could have children so he was a big surprise.
Like you, birth was traumatic and I was "never again" but as he's gotten older, I have wished/longed for another child. My ex is younger than me, and I dread the day he announces he is to become a dad again, not because I want to be with him but because I wish I could give my son a sibling.
I'm one of 5 and my fondest memories are of my childhood with my siblings.....
Try not to think of the negative and think of all the positives another child will give you, as you said you have time, I'm sure you will change your mind just like I did.

I'm an only child but not a parent and honestly I love it I've seen my mum and her siblings not get along and argue I've got friends in similar situations and I'm thankful I don't have to put up with that tbh

I have two but with a fairly large gap. DD1 thrived as an inly child and really benefited from all the years she had our sole attention. Covid was tricky but she coped. She enjoys having a sibling now but wasn't unhappy without one and I'm very aware I can't give them as much financial help when they are older as there's two of them. I know several happy only children.

I like having one child.

I have one who is nearly 3. Thought by now I’d be considering a second but actually I think the personal toll on me isn’t worth doing again. I feel like having a baby was comparable to a big event like a car crash and I’ll never be the same again.. it helps that I have two brothers who don’t speak and my DH’s siblings 2 out of 4 are useless and no contact with each other. I see threads on mn saying how having a second baby has left the mum struggling and frankly I think ‘no thanks!’ I want my life and body back! I wonder if I’ll regret it later but then I think take the win and don’t jeopardise it all again for something so unknown. I am at the point now where I reckon I’m 80% likely to just stick with one and make sure we all have a better quality of life.

No, very happy with just one

I feel this and I only really want to have another child as another one to love but also for my 3 year old to have someone to grow with and have the support of.

I went into my first birth amazingly calm and everything was smooth sailing enough even with an induction by pessary which failed and I then had the hormone drip and they broke my waters. I had her at 37 weeks as my waters had started on the 36+2.

I feel the same way though even without trauma because it went relatively well I’m now thinking along the lines of what if I fall pregnant and the next time it’s worse what if this happens what if that happens…. So what I’m trying to say is your feelings are normal and validated!

my little sister had a birth in 2019 and I was her birthing partner. I thkkk the fact I was there and witnessed it is the whole reason I went into mine so calm. She’s now pregnant again and I can’t wait to hear about the birth and it may just fill me with confidence 😂