Do you regret having one child?

[Onechild]

I have a 1 year old DD and she is my world. I have lots of time to have a second child as I'm in my 20s. However, I'm too traumatised by pregnancy and childbirth to have another. I can't face it. I don't know anyone who is an only child. Does your child enjoy being an only child? Especially if they are school aged or an adult.

I have a NC brother who abandoned us during care for elderly parents. So I've gone for 1 - who will never feel such disappointment from a sibling.

Same here. It's all good!

I only have 1 DD and I'm an only child. I had a wonderful childhood and I hope I'm giving DD the same. There are opportunities I was offered that my parents wouldn't have been able to offer if I'd had siblings and the same is true for DD.

I have the odd moment (usually when friends have babies) where I kinda wish we had another but my brain knows we made the right decision even if my heart has a little wobble now and then. My pregnancy was a nightmare so we decided very early on the we were going to be grateful my body gave us one baby and not push our luck on trying to make another!

My parents are getting older and sometimes I think it would be nice if I had a sibling to share concerns with but I know plenty of people who don't get on with their sibling so it's no guarantee anyway. I have DH who will support me with anything I need and we have a great group of friends.

I will encourage DD to surround herself with good people as she gets older too.

No I would never regret my daughter

I don't regret it. I'm very honest with dd (13) about how glad I am to have her and my struggles with infertility. She thinks there's pluses and minuses but is generally quite content with being an only especially when she sees siblings arguing and competing for attention. She loves the advantages of a calm house. She really is lovely.

I have carefully planned for needing support when I'm older and have made it clear it's fine to buy in help or move me to a care home. I've set money aside for this.

I also tell her that it's fine for her to live her own life and we'll be fine once she moves out. We take time to nurture our marriage too.

I try to give her space to develop so she's not under pressure as the only child in the house and welcome her friends.

Ours is only 3 so too early to know if I'll regret it long term, but I don't regret it at all currently and the idea of a second is truly my worst nightmare so can't see my mind changing any time soon. I love being a family of 3. It means we don't ever have to say no to anything big due to finances (special Christmas events, holidays etc). Now he's 3, it's easy to take him almost anywhere and basically like having another adult in terms of practical needs. Having the financial breathing space and the ability for us parents to have time to ourselves means our household is a lot less stressed in general. And that will only continue in future when we're not trying to juggle two children's wants and activity schedules.

The thing I love most is how much time I can give him. We got to do so many fun Christmas activities this year (both paid ones and just crafts or baking at home) that my antenatal group friends couldn't do because they had a baby to look after as well. I love that we can really indulge his interests. He still has to do plenty of adult things he doesn't want to, so knows the world doesn't revolve around him but the activities we do together are all 100% appropriate for him rather than being a compromise for different age needs. There are so many things I've suggested to friends who also have 3 year olds, only to be met with (a genuinely regretful) "I'd love to, but can't because I've got the younger one as well". It makes me appreciate that we can do those things for ours.

I'm an only, my son is an only, zero regrets.

I would've loved to have more than one, but I had so many miscarriages.
It's not regret as I had no choice but there is a sadness.
My DS is 22 and he hasn't missed having siblings, he had a great childhood with fantastic holidays! We are a very close little family.

My only child is now 21. He's loved being an only. I've been able to give him things I couldn't have afforded to give to two or more. He's got a wide and varied social circle.

We have a small family so I do worry about lack of support when I'm gone but he has many mates and may have his own kids so who knows?

I have one child and have several friends who are one and done as well. I do occasionally get baby urges and have time to have another but I also have birth trauma, poor mental health and don't cope well with sleep interruptions. We've been so lucky with DD being a good sleeper and a generally bright and chilled out child. The thought of getting an early rising tantrum having child fills me with enough fear to not risk it.

Also DH has terrible relationships with his many siblings and I don't particularly like mine. The relationship between my mum's siblings is fractured and I wonder what the actual benefit of a sibling for DD would be

I have a 39 year old, male. No, I don't. I have a brother and a sister. Nc with brother (as he's an arse hole).

🤔

I have an only child, 5yr old, she has a best friend at school, cousins an hour away are boys so we don't see much of them. She gets lonely in summer holidays but says she doesn't want a sibling. Her birth went fine but I'm 45 now and having finances for 2 worries mostly my husband and me and the probability of a child born not in perfect health because im older. I'd also like to study a chemistry degree. She still has tantrums at home but does really well at school ( her maths book only had correct answers ) but I'm lucky that I only work part time at a school so I can spend time with her after school and in the holidays.

Why don’t you see her cousins because they’re boys? Very strange…

Life's so much easier with one child - less stress, more money to go round, less responsibility (as in, not double the trouble), no juggling acts to get one kid one place and the other somewhere else, no fighting and arguing (which can last into adulthood). Basically life is waaay less complicated and you have more time to spend with one child.

DD5 is an only. It possibly would have been nice to have a second but I had a difficult pregnancy/birth and am mid-way through a divorce. I don't want another relationship right now so realistically it would be too late to have a second when the time came. There's a lot of positives to her being an only; finances, time, clubs, not having to think of a baby for days out, sleep etc and she's at an age now where it's really fun being just the 2 of us.

I don't think it's true apart from the finances.

Sibilings play with each other, the oldest one looks after the younger one, helps out, and so on.

If you have one, they constantly need you -- they might play alone for 30 minutes, but you have to be around them all the time.

I don't think people realise this- they get so used to it they think it would be the same if they have more; which isn't true at all.

I had a miscarriage before my daughter. It was horrendous and I will never forget it. My second pregnancy was horrid with sickness etc, labour was brutal but all worth it for my daughter. If I could 100% guarantee that pregnancy means a healthy baby I would consider having another one, but I cannot put myself back in the headspace where the risk of miscarriage is there, it nearly broke me last time so I won't do it again. I am extremely blessed with one and I never underestimate how lucky I am. I don't think only children are disadvantaged as many may say (SIL keeps commenting on how selfish I am not to have another!!) I think there is alot to be said for your own space, not being forced to play with a sibling that you may not get on with.. for me one is enough.

Having one is absolutely fine OP as lots of stories shared here should reassure you. That said, you’re young and your DD is only a year old. You don’t even need to really decide right now, give it a year, or even more, and see how you feel. I have one, not by choice really, but we do have a lovely life.

I don’t regret it. DD will soon be 8.
Sometimes I wish I was the sort of person who could cope with 2 children and /or I had partnered up with someone who was a hands on dad.
But it’s no on both counts. I own it now!
We try our best.
I think I’m a fun mum and I’ve always been happy to play or muck in, do dances or whatever. Also have plenty of friends locally with onlies so we try to regular arrange days out.
I was never bothered about giving her a playmate as to me it’s not worth all the other stuff that goes with it, being pregnant twice , less money, more mess, less time for you.
I had a textbook pregnancy and birth but I had debilitating post partum psychosis and underlying PND which lasted for years. I do not want to go through that again!

Your child will be fine. They will be happy. They will be loved.

I think you also should consider thr perspective of the child. I know very closely five single children extended family). One loved it - never had to share; all the attention on them and perfectly happy. The other ones hated it - no one to play with (you can’t have a play date all the time), no one to bond with on the house of your parents were angry or upset, felt lonely etc. I know one that really resented their parents for it.

So I don’t think there is a right or wrong and of course some people can’t have two or don’t want to, but a lot of lonely children don’t like it.

I have an only child, not through choice. She is a young adult now.

If I had my time again, I would choose to have an only child next time. I am genuinely grateful for the way in which things have worked out, and I wish I had known back then what I know now.

My dd is happy and thriving. Very confident with fabulous social skills. Not at all spoilt and very generous/thoughtful. We are very close, and she benefited from a lot of time and attention. Our house was very peaceful and dd never had to contend with sibling rivalry. She has never minded being an only child. She always says she can't miss what she never had. And I was able to maintain my career, which has made it easier for me to cope with an empty nest.

The one thing that used to trouble me as she was growing up was the idea that dd would have to deal with me and DH ageing without any sibling support. Now I'm in that stage of life where I'm caring for my own elderly father, I realise that having a sibling doesn't offer you any guarantee of support, and sometimes it just gives you someone to resent when they don't pull their weight properly. Not that I do resent my dsis, really, because I choose not to... but I very easily could!

But a lot of kids with siblings don't like that either, so there are no guarantees either way.