Guide for grandparents doing childcare

[M0therBear]

My dad has very kindly offered to look after my toddler for one day per week. I'd like to make him a handbook/guide for my toddler so that everything he will need to know is in one place. I'm thinking of including information on when and how to make naps happen, food and allergy information, emergency numbers, our approach to handling emotions/behaviour etc. Has anyone else done this? If so what information did you include?

Not an extensive rule book - but a guide on what the baby likes / dislikes, when they usually sleep and eat etc. is surely of benefit to anyone. As long as you’re not then annoyed if they don’t follow it to the letter!

Seriously!?? I would be ripping up that handbook apart from obvious emergency care and allergies.! Your father has his own brain . He will have his own approach for dealing with emotions and behaviour, I mean, how patronising is that? The cheek of some people .

Allergy and medical info and emergency contacts yes.

Upto date info for things like grapes and car seats and maybe pay for the two of you to do a toddler and baby first aid course together.

Then step back. Accept that a core part of the grandchild - grandparent bond is that they do things differently to you. Your child will be loved, cared for and looked after but it will (and should) be different to how you would do things. The chances are they will watch a bit more telly, they'll be given a bit more chocolate then you would like. If that's not ok you need to put him into paid childcare (where things still wont be done exactly as you'd like).

As someone who used to get their knickers in a twist about such things - let go. It's ok, and a lot of these things are because he is your PFB, subsequent children don't cause such stress. But your dad has raised children already, like any new job there will be teething problems but they will come out of it with a great bond.

Hi there,
I've had to do similar for baby's father

• where to find things he might need (eg change of clothes, towels, nappies, spare bibs and bedding)
• favourite stories and tricks to get baby off to sleep
• checklist left at bath (get towel and nappy ready first, use the bath thermometer)
• how the fire stick works and what shoes they can and can't watch
• how to lock up the house and set burglar alarm
• what to pack if going out (water bottle dummy hat or sunscreen etc)
• ideas of what to feed for lunch and when to give it
• when to put down for nap and when to wake up if they're still sleeping

I would also do a couple of over lap days to demonstrate it all for everyone's sake

Danger hazaard
Eg

Baby will try to grasp coffee cups
He tries to run down stairs
He'll open the front door if it's not double locked

Etc

I’d love an idea of normal routine to work to in a text. It can really unsettle children to suddenly lose their routine, so great to share that - though a “handbook” sounds over the top.

I don't think this is funny
My dad says 'now now, no. That's naughty. Waah im sad' to my under 2 which he finds hilarious and
Encourages him to do more:
Why wouldn't you share tried and tested ways that work better calm the child and make life easier for the babysitter

How on earth did he raise you without a fuckin handbook?
This is so MN, everybody thinks they're the first to have a child.

If you’re that worried about him looking after his grandchild that you feel you must write a controlled manual on how he should do it, where he should do it, when he should things then just keep him with you. It’s just that sounds really controlling and I don’t think he will take that too well. He raised you too and seemed to do a good job at it, didn’t he?

Obvious things when looking after a young child, surely?

No!! You are being ridiculous.

i look after my toddler nephew for a few days at a time. Trust me, it’s like riding a bike. Within 5 minutes you’re back in the zone.

Not sure why everyone is freaking out, this is exactly the kind of information our childminders have asked for so that the first days can go smoothly, and they are perfectly competent and confident if not more so than grandparents.
To the OP I'd say do it in collaboration, so ask what would be useful, and if they say not sure then make some suggestions. If they are anxious then more might be welcome.

Then I’m sure your dad can work this out himself and not need his adult kids to tell him what to say, it’s ridiculous.

1: Keep kid alive
2: Feed them
3: Have fun

Do you think your father is an idiot?
If so, don’t ask him to look after your child.

Do you think your father is a capable adult who successfully raised you to adulthood?
Then he doesn’t need a damned handbook.

But childmimders and nursery staff are coming to these children for the first time. By the time a grandparent is stepping in to do childcare, they've known the baby/child for a fair while and have observed, or have been privy to conversations about, their routines, food preferences and general quirks. They know their likes and dislikes.

As I said earlier, all I needed was an idea of up to date nap times and durations. Any changes/new behaviours/preferences etc were just passed on by DD as and when needed and obviously I fed back and asked questions if anything came up

My parents and ILs look after my youngest (13mo) one day a week each and both asked for a rough schedule of meal times and naps but apart from that I just let them crack on and tbh they both got their own little routines and set up with him now which works for them. I'm not even that fussed about nap times as long as what they do works for them and DS I have full faith in them to look after him. They did the same with DD and she's a perfectly functioning lovely little girl so they're doing something right.

Childminders and nurseries will want to know about allergies and nap times, but they 100% won't be adjusting their approach to emotions.

Also I think it's important that kids learn about how to roll with different people in different places and situations.

The world isn't designed to your kids specifications, so there's no point trying to engineer it that way.

Weird how everyone is assuming grandparents were definitely present fathers and involved in child rearing despite this being Mumsnet and every other thread is how shit or absent the Dad's are.
My Dad didn't live with us and although he's a brilliant grandad he's needed lots of guidance, not least because the last time he'd had to do anything like this, it was the 80s .

The nursery form is because they don't know your child and have lots of staff. Presumably grandad knows his grandchild.

For the baby's dad? Presumably you're not together?