Guide for grandparents doing childcare

[M0therBear]

My dad has very kindly offered to look after my toddler for one day per week. I'd like to make him a handbook/guide for my toddler so that everything he will need to know is in one place. I'm thinking of including information on when and how to make naps happen, food and allergy information, emergency numbers, our approach to handling emotions/behaviour etc. Has anyone else done this? If so what information did you include?

I can't imagine doing this. Why would you need to? Is he very forgetful or something?

By all means write down emergency numbers etc but he is a dad and has brought up his own children. If you want to follow a routine maybe get him to spend a day with you before he has the child on his own, so he can get the idea?

Can't he just look after him the way he looked after you? If a grandparent isn't able to just attend to a small child's needs, maybe they aren't the best childcare option?

Oh dear me no don't do this.

God I would hand both it and the toddler right back to you.

I’d be really pissed off if I was your Dad, providing free childcare and you treated me like that.

If he can’t remember an allergy without it written down, he shouldn’t be doing childcare. (unless your child has complex multi layered allergies)

if you trust him to look after your child trust him to do it well. It may not be the same as you do it but that doesn’t matter children are adaptable to the adult they are with and both will benefit from finding their own path

Why? If he is not capable on his own why would you trust your child with him?

If he is capable then realise your child is not a machine that comes with a manual

If this is true the idea is terrible

No. No. No.

Kindly - back off OP. This is patronizing. Let him ask if he needs anything. Allergy/medication info notwithstanding.

The only thing I wrote down for my mum was when they'd last had calpol if they'd had it and how much the next dose was

My mum has looked after one of my children for one day a week for a few years now. I very appreciate that she’s saving me money and she’s not a paid employee so I take a relaxed approach to the way she does things and don’t criticise unless it’s unsafe or really messes up their routine, even though I really hate the way she does some stuff and is the opposite of what I would do.

If you expect your dad to follow your approach to parenting and behaviour, then perhaps a nanny is a better option for you?

Allergies, routine timings, medication, yes.

But the rest, no. I felt strongly that it was up to me to only leave my child with someone who I trusted, and then trust them to care in the way which worked for them.

So naps for instance - I asked my mum to put child down for a nap at 12 for an hour, because that kept the routine. I told her how I do naps but was clear that she should find the best way that worked for her.

Unless he’s specifically asked you to do this, please don’t offend him Op.

Please don't, very condescending! A piece of a5 paper with your drs name and number, both your work numbers, plus any allergies, medications etc is plenty. If you trust him to care for your child you need to trust him on everything else

Just no.

But it will constantly change. You’ll be forever rewriting it. It’s a ball ache for you and unnecessary micromanaging for him!

I’m a nanny and no parent has ever left me a ‘manual’ thank god- I’ve shadowed them to learn the routine/way to the nursery/how to collapse the buggy and use the bottle warmer etc etc but everything else- I draw on my own common sense and experience or I just ask one of the parents! Just tell him where the red book is, have an address book with important numbers in it like doctor or your work addresses, some cash, can be very helpful though.

Are you OK OP? With respect, this sounds like a very extreme thing to do. Do you need any support?

My parents did childcare for us 1 day a week and they never needed anything like this. They knew the doctors we're registered at and beyond that it was take it as it comes.
Everything with toddlers is a phase so things will change very quickly. Each week my parents came I'd let them know what we had in the fridge/suitable food to offer and how DS has slept the night before. The rest was up to them pretty much.

Allergy information and nap timings yes but everything else no and I couldn't imagine anything more patronising. Your dad has presumably raised yourself well and is kindly offering a free day's child care. Why does he need a manual? A guide to handling emotions?? Come on now.

My mum and in laws provide childcare for me. If I'd done anything as insulting as a manual for them I'd have had it rightly thrown back in my face as well as the offer of childcare.

I think this would show a real lack of trust in your dad and comes across as controlling, by all means leave contact numbers and usual nap times but anything more than that is OTT

You do realise he is your father and so, presumably, had something to do with parenting you???

Allergy information and emergency contacts - yes.

Everything else - no.

Is this your first child OP?!

OP, do you really want to patronise the person who successfully kept you alive until adulthood? Just let him do it his way - your kid will be fine.

Whatever you put down it will change before you can blink.

He needs some very basic information about health/allergies etc. and likes and dislikes and normal routines. No need for anything else. The routines when at his house will inevitably be different to some degree and you need to take this on the chin. You cannot expect someone else to look after your child in exactly the same way as you do.

If you are concerned that he might do things that you seriously object to, then he is not the person to be looking after your child.

I understand that this idea is coming from a good place, but I think it would be unwise to do this.

If my child had done this to me when I was taking care of my grandchild I'd have been very upset and angry. Why wouldn't you trust your dad to be able to look after your child properly? If you're that worried then pay for childcare elsewhere.
If at any point your child needs medication then tell your dad or write it down. If you want the child to have a nap at certain times you can verbally mention it.
Do not give him an instruction manual unless you really want to sour the relationship. So patronising and offensive.