Guide for grandparents doing childcare

[M0therBear]

My dad has very kindly offered to look after my toddler for one day per week. I'd like to make him a handbook/guide for my toddler so that everything he will need to know is in one place. I'm thinking of including information on when and how to make naps happen, food and allergy information, emergency numbers, our approach to handling emotions/behaviour etc. Has anyone else done this? If so what information did you include?

Even routines, likes and dislikes and behaviour patterns change almost overnight and regularly at that age.

It's one day a week - beyond allergies (which he should be able to remember) and emergency numbers (which presumably he has in his phone), I really don't think anything else matters.

Presumably he'll already know about allergies.

The only thing I really needed from my DD when I started doing bits of childcare was DGD's naptimes.

I second that.

I don’t get all the people saying no for this! My MIL always asks for instructions as she only looks after the DC on an ad hoc basis. I usually just text her the rough routine and then I also leave food out for lunch, dinner and snacks so she doesn’t need to make anything. I would never criticise her not sticking to routine or feeding other items, it’s to help her out and she wants to know it.

Other helpful bits might be where to find spare clothes, waterproofs, warm clothes etc or suncream in the summer.

I think as long as you’re not telling them what to do (I.E no screen time, must rock to sleep, must feed at exactly 12pm) then you’re fine, you’re just helping them! Of course they know how to keep a child alive but they might not know your child that well.

Before both of mine started nursery I had to fill out a super long form around their usual routine, how they like to be comforted, likes and dislikes etc. so the nursery could get to know them. This is no different

This is your dad who brought you up? Did he get it wrong with you and if so why are you excepting (free) childcare?

Kindly, no this is bonkers. Although if it makes you feel better go for it - just maybe don't hand it over 😁

(I might have done this for my mum the first time she looked after my eldest. And walked her round my house - which she'd been in a million times - pointing out where everything was that she might need with detailed explanations She took it in good humour and is fond of reminding me of it now that my children are older and I've come through the other side!)

Definitely do not do this @M0therBear . Unnecessary and offensive.

My parents have been helping with our son since the beginning, we are extremely lucky. He's 5 now with some additional needs and they have the most beautiful bond.

As a baby they'd visit regularly and then as a toddler they had him half a day a week then a full day as I returned to work (COVID times, hence the gradual increase) They already knew him well and knew how we generally did things. I mostly left them to it, his sleep was always all over the place so I just said do what you can/what you think will work but if he's refusing, no worries.

If they were unsure, they'd ask and if I there was anything out of the ordinary (if he was ill or teething or whatever) I'd let them know.

If you trust him to keep your child safe then you don't need to write him a manual, if you don't trust him, get her into a nursery or childminder or stay home.

The Manual will need to change every week anyway 🤣

My dd is anaphylactic and had a written plan for school where adults are coming and going but if someone else was looking after her then I wouldn't have left her with them if I thought they couldn't remember what to do.

Children are very adaptable to doing different things in different ways when they spend time in more than one place. You don't have to do everything exactly the same.

Before both of mine started nursery I had to fill out a super long form around their usual routine, how they like to be comforted, likes and dislikes etc. so the nursery could get to know them. This is no different

What! Of course it's different. He's his grandfather.

I would write down a rough guide to the day e.g usually has lunch at this time / nap at this time. And I tend to leave out anything that's needed like sun cream and a lunch in the fridge.

I might say something like 'we've been using his cuddly elephant if he gets upset lately' or whatever's relevant but that's definitely as far as I would go unless there were more serious behavioural needs at play.

I wouldn’t. Emergency numbers would be you, dad and maybe close relatives if relevant and he really needs the help. The only thing they need to know is probably foods that they like (I usually buy stuff and leave it there - and at least they know that they have a supply of their biscuits, porridge, fruits etc - and they have the packet for if they want to top up).

And a few favourite toys to keep them busy. Other than that I let them (the grandparents) get on with it - trusting that if they raised me, they will be fine. Plus grandparents are much nicer anyway (from experience).

No need for a manual

I use to write grandparents an a4 list of everything. Naps, food, changing etc. I'm a bit mortified now but it felt really important ar the time

Your approach to handling emotions

I'm sorry but 😂😂😂😂

The only time I did this was when dd was on specialist formula, but if I was you I’d just have a really light conversation to say what they like/dont like or x makes naptimes easier but see how you go etc

@Waffle19

Before both of mine started nursery I had to fill out a super long form around their usual routine, how they like to be comforted, likes and dislikes etc. so the nursery could get to know them. This is no different

Of course it's different, unless the child has never met the grandparent

PFB much?!
Oh dear OP, I think your booklet may be rather OTT.

I had my first at 36 my mother had no idea what to do as it had been so long. I left a basic schedule for her to stick to and sent a packed lunch to make things easier for her no harm in that. Now I just drop and run. Don't worry about it your dad can just call you for anything if he's unsure.

I just hand mine over. Both my parents are quite capable and often better than I am. Probably because they get more sleep. I wouldn’t do this for my in laws and they don’t see DC that often, but they successfully raised 4 kids so I’d assume they would manage fine.

But the grandparent might not have spent much time with them. My mum for example I just ditch the kids and walk out the door without saying a word but my MIL only sees them on a handful of occasions and never for very long, so when she started doing regular childcare she wanted and needed a bit of a guide. If I was the OP I would probably ask them if in advance if they wanted to be left a note with pointers or not.

Don’t do this. It makes you look like a twat.

Wow - a lot of no’s here… absolutely not my experience. My parents LOVE a schedule to work with - they know I trust them - but they find having a framework for the day makes looking after DGC much less stressful for them - I update it regularly as things like nap schedules change between 1-2.

They are free to deviate from it - although they rarely do because they like the structure of it.

It’s an approach that works really well for us - because we’re all basically working from the same manual.

I think it depends entirely on your dad’s character and your relationship with him

He might not have spent a full day with them though! My dad visits for an hour here and there and that’s to see DC with us there, that’s very different to a whole day 8am - 6pm alone with a young child.

100% this. My MIL takes comfort from knowing what to do when. It makes the day more enjoyable for her as she’s also then not dealing with an over tired or hungry baby.

@Waffle19

He might not have spent a full day with them though! My dad visits for an hour here and there and that’s to see DC with us there, that’s very different to a whole day 8am - 6pm alone with a young child.

A child, not an alien. They don't need an extensive rule book.

There was a post only yesterday where a grandparent had refused to do anymore babysitting because of the rules imposed.

He actually has more parenting experience than you!