Unsupervised in pool

[MyCoralFish]

DH took the kids swimming this afternoon to give me a much needed break. He’s just told me that he needed a wee while there, so left them on their own, in the pool.

When he returned he couldn’t find them. They were on the slide (separate to the pool but right next to it).

Kids are DS 8 who can swim well, and DD 5 who swims like a fish with a vest on (Konfidence vest) and sinks without it.

The pool is very small, the toilets are 5 meters from the pool. There is no active lifeguard (not UK) but occasionally someone watching from a room above the pool.

I‘m sat here in stunned silence. I would ALWAYS take them both to the toilet with me rather than leave them alone. I told him that if anything had happened to DD, DS would have to live with that for the rest of his life.

However , I often think I am over protective and am not sure if this is actually fine.

So what do you think?

I haven’t posted this in aibu because I‘ve had a shocker of a day (unrelated) and am feeling too fragile for the replies there!

No way would I leave them unattended in a pool, especially with no proper lifeguards. Incredibly stupid.

Did DD have a vest on?

I would have left the 8 year old. Not the 5 year old.

Even in UK with lifeguards, under 8s would need supervision. At minimum to sit out at side of pool until you returned

Yanbu. That was so stupid. A 5yo drowned at my local pool over the summer as both parents thought the other was watching him. Poor kid

Yes DD had her vest on, and can be trusted to keep it on (my point of view being that you never know if she’ll choose the moment you’re not there to take it off)

Drowning can happen scarily quickly. I think what you said to him sounds fair and hopefully he won't risk his kids' lives like that again.

It is not a life saving device

He should at least have got them out and told them to sit by the pool till he came back. Fortunately nothing happened and he will have learned a lesson, it's easy to underestimate how dangerous pools can be.

Highly irresponsible and absolutely stupid decision on his part! Please tell me that after you HAD. TO. HIGHLIGHT. THIS. TO. HIM (!!!!!!) that he can now see the idiocy of what he did?

I would not be happy. Also not in the UK, kids have been found unresponsive on the bottom of swimming pools here even with lifeguards on duty.

Your dh is a twat.

An 8 year old doesn't need to troop to the toilets with you that's just silly

The 5 year old id have made sit on the side - only because taking a daughter into a mans toilet at the swimming pool...they are grim toilets at the best of times even in the ladies no matter how nice the pool.

Former lifeguard here. I would NEVER leave a child under the age of 10 alone in a pool (and then only if they were a strong swimmer and sensible). All it takes is having gotten out of the pool and a misjudged jump or a slip causing a bumped head and they have drowned in mere minutes. A non-swimmer should always be within reaching distance even if they are wearing a vest. I actually have issues with children even wearing the vests at all - they inhibit actually learning to swim properly and can give false confidence to both hold and carers.

Calmly explain this to your husband and let him know that it can never ever happen again.

How did you find out OP? Did he tell you himself?

Better to be overprotective at the swimming pool. At our local one, under 8s are only allowed in with adult supervision at all times. That is with at least one lifeguard on duty too.

Hell no. Not without a lifeguard. And not at DDs age.
Might have left the 8 year old.
Did he even tell them he was going if they had wandered off?

Missing the point but also genuinely astonished that he didn’t just pee in the pool.

He shouldn’t have left the 5 year old, and I’d question his responsibility moving forward.

Would definitely have got them to get out of the pool

Does this mean you do? 🤮

Anyway no OP, you're not being overprotective. I wouldn't dream of leaving a five year old who can't swim in a pool on their own - as you say, you've no idea when they'll decide to do something stupid.

I would have got the kids out and asked them to sit on the side (mine can be trusted to do this, but if not I would take them with me). There are more than two options here.
At our pool it would have been against the rules to leave them there anyway.

With no lifeguard watching that was incredibly dangerous, YANBU.

Wow that someone wouid do this

Takes a few seconds for a child to struggle /sink /drown

NEVER leave a child alone in the water EVER

you know this and hopefully so does dh now

So they either go with him or sit on the side if can be trusted

Always have a wee before going in the pool

The rules at our council pool are that kids have to be within reach of an adult caretaker until the age of 8 and within sight until the age of 12 (and they explicitly say, NO you can't be reading your phone!). I guess seeing as those rules are made by people who know more about the risks than I do I'd stick to that even if I travelled to a place that didn't have the same standards.

Likely verses possible. Men and women are wired differently that way. It’s why in traditional “tribal” set ups men usually got formally involved in the care of children when they reached around the age of 12 - what happens then… children become capable of accessing danger for themselves.
Op, my DH made an idiotic decision when one of ours was a toddler. Every so often I remember and I literally feel a bit sick. We got past it by having the “likely verses possible” conversation. If death is possible, I don’t care how fucking unlikely it is, we protect against it as much as reasonably possible is my viewpoint. Unless it would restrict our kids enjoyment of life unreasonably. If we disagree, we’ve agreed the default is my viewpoint until the kids were 12.