Equal spend on children?

[BeeKind1]

I've got two girls 14 and 11. My 14 has asked for high price gifts for Christmas of which I've got most of them, whereas my 11 has just asked for "stuff" stuff - low cost items. I know it's not about material things at this time of year etc. etc. however, my DH and I both work full time and save for Christmas to give our children more than we had. And. So my question is: is it unfair that we have spent around £200 more on 14? And, would you make the difference up with cash? My DH says I’m being ridiculous to want to give our 10 £200 "to spend on crap".

No. Over time it is about equal but not on every occasion.

I don't work out how much I spend on each of them I have a rough idea and do try to make it even but I don't think it is. I won't be making up for it either aslong as there both happy with the gifts that's the main thing they won't be working out the cost off things or who had more spend on them.

Well, I wouldn't have ever got my dc "most of" a list of high priced items, for one Christmas.

During younger teen years, then yes, I would spend roughly the same on each dc. Once they got a bit older, and wanted something really specific, they were old enough to understand that it probably meant they got a much lower value gift for their birthday or something and that things balanced out over the year.

I do think you need to balance out the value - but that doesn't mean your younger dc needs to "spend it on crap". You could do something like buy them £100 of Premium Bonds, which they can then cash in when they want something bigger - or save up until they want driving lessons or something.

We’ve never done equal budget and ours are adults now , like the pp we originally went with it will even out and then gave up on that . Neither of ours are materialistic and would think I’d gone mad if I started giving one money to compensate for a price difference . If they are both getting what they would like I can’t see the problem .

We do equal piles over equal costs, it usually evens out over time.

There have been other events where one of our DDs had a lot of money spent on her that at least one of her sisters won’t get, we gave our second DD (10yo) the choice of getting something equal or put some money in a premium bond for her, she choose the premium bond.

You could always put the difference in value into bonds to make it feel even.

This year I have it the other way. 10 year old have asked for a few higher cost items and nothing else. 8 year old has asked for very reasonable things but it's almost double. I feel bad but as a pre poster has said it evens itself out eventually

When 11 is 14 then she will need the stuff 14 is getting now. Don’t worry 😉

I’ve spent about £100 more on DD2 (8) than DD1 (10) this year as DD1 has just had her birthday and there was nothing else she wanted/needed. I don’t feel bad though as it’ll even out over time.

Thanks everyone. Some good advice and makes me feel a bit better!

Shocked people think this is ok. I don't IMO. Especially if it's noticeable to your DC...I could never treat my children differently!

It wasn't an intentional thing. 10 has everything on her list it's just upon adding it up I realised the discrepancy. She will not realise at all and be extremely happy and grateful with what she's got, but yes, somehow it doesn't sit right with me. Like others have said though, I’m sure it will equal out over time. I didn't want to buy her stuff just for the sake of it but still feel a bit bad!! Nothing like a bit of Mum guilt!!

Mine are 12 and 14.

I spend exactly the same give or take £5.

Same. They will always remember this.

Sorry I didn't want to add to the mum guilt! Just doesn't sit right with me either, but understand not buying stuff for the sake of it. Have a lovely Xmas!

There's something really transactional about people who must spend equally on each child. If each child has chosen a gift and gets what they want, they are fortunate. If mine argued that their sibling had more spent on them I'd be really disappointed.

I look at value to them... its not size or monetary value. Its that they feel equal.

Take bikes... a decent bike for a 10yo will cost a lot more than the cost of a first bike for a 4yo. But they will be seen as the same.

Another way... do you remember what you spent on your elder child when they were 10?

Mine are 30 and 27 and they both still get financial help with things, of different value, at different times. DD cost us more at uni than DS, a more expensive city, DS got more help with his first house as it was a doer upper.

When I drop dead they will probably have had about the same and the will is 50/50 equally.

We have similar and would roughly make up to the same amount. Definitely not a £200 discrepancy.

if you have to always make everything equal, then you won’t be free to do something truly special when a unique opportunity arises. Maybe next year your youngest will ask for expensive concert tickets and because you spent less on gifts for that child this year, you will be free to splurge.

I just got mine stuff they would like. Thankfully none of them ever compared the cost.

It's great to hear/see all these differing povs. What I’m seeing is my DH and I are both right 🤣

Luckily my girls will not see monetary value and will be happy with what they've got.

I just feel that my 10 always gets less spent on her because of hand-me-downs. It's my issue though as she's such a sweet heart it would never be a factor to her.

I would put the difference in the younger child's savings

Equal piles not equal costs here.
It evens out over time even when they are little one might need a bike but the other can have the hand me down.
When they are older one might need a new phone so has more spent that year but next year the other might need a laptop.
Generally all kids in a family end up with the same stuff but the don’t want/need it at the same time.

@CookieMonster28 no offence taken, I appreciate your point of view. Merry Christmas

Only if they add up the monetary value of their gifts! Mine won’t notice, so they won’t remember something they don’t notice.