Equal spend on children?

[BeeKind1]

I've got two girls 14 and 11. My 14 has asked for high price gifts for Christmas of which I've got most of them, whereas my 11 has just asked for "stuff" stuff - low cost items. I know it's not about material things at this time of year etc. etc. however, my DH and I both work full time and save for Christmas to give our children more than we had. And. So my question is: is it unfair that we have spent around £200 more on 14? And, would you make the difference up with cash? My DH says I’m being ridiculous to want to give our 10 £200 "to spend on crap".

My parents bought £100 of premium bonds for my son when he was born.

Yes, that's a normal thing to do when a baby is born, on their behalf.

Giving an 11 year old a bond or stocks and shares is like something out of a bad movie, where (we hope) the disconnected parent finally discovers the real meaning of Christmas by the end 😂

Yeah I try and spend roughly the same on my two even though they are young adults.

I agree . Everyone I know with children always evens it out as the kids will know if one has more than the other .

Your kids add up the cost of their presents?

Giving an 11 year old a bond or stocks and shares is like something out of a bad movie, where (we hope) the disconnected parent finally discovers the real meaning of Christmas by the end

I think I may stay disconnected on that front...! In fairness my kids are older teens so it's not really about the toys any more.

But when I look back over some of the crap that they've asked for and not used, there is merit in putting some of the money aside. Though the plastic crud has pleased them at the time so I'm not a complete Christmas grinch.

This is what I was thinking. A day out with Mum shopping with some cash maybe?

A friend of mine has a policy of a bigger item every other year with her two secondary aged children. So child A got a phone last year, Child B can get a laptop this year etc. That way she isn’t spending £££ every year. The children are on board with this and know why. Basically, kid A knows there isn’t any point asking for an X Box this year but next year …

Mine are primary ages. No equal money or piles here! I bought what I thought they’d like (and/or asked for) and that’s that! They will have a lovely Christmas!

I'm not sure on the "it evens up over time statements"

Some children have personalities where they're always going to ask for more.

Like someone else said, I have a rough budget in mind so whilst not quibbling over amounts to the final penny, I wouldn't spend £200 more on one than the other.

We've never done 'same cost'. I'd find it pretty impossible tbh.

Dc are 16, 14 and 7. Dc 1 and 2 have had roughly double the amount spent on them for Christmas than dc3. I think dc2 had the most, by chance.

Ds3's 'pile' still looks by far the most impressive 😂 If I bumped his £ spend up just to be the same, I'd be out there spending money on more 'stuff' for no reason.

All 3 will be delighted. Dc1 won't care that his (asked for) trainers were £30 cheaper than ds2's. Ds3 wouldn't care that the cost of his main present (a bike) was half that of the cost of ds1 and 2's main gifts.

We treat ours the same in that they both get some bits they want and some bits that they need. Size of piled and cost spent is probably completely different every birthday and Xmas.

I would never bring my kids up to be counting presents or adding up the costs! Xmas morning happiness shouldn't be equated to size of the present pile or whose got the most expensive gift.

As I said. Not intentional. 14 has a new iPad and a few other high price items such as converse and branded clothes. 11 has Lego sets, Pandora bracelet and bits and bobs. She won't know the financial difference. But I do! However, she's not got a phone yet and it's high school in September so that will be the next cost though we usually give the girls our old phones and we have new. Look, I’m aware this is all very first world problems but it has been really interesting seeing others' take on it. Thanks all and merry Christmas.

This. We do same number of presents but not same value. Would be unfair if DD age 8 got a pressie of hundred of pounds because her brother age 15 needed a laptop or whatever, when when he was 8 we spent £50.

But why . Your children are individuals not a job lot surely individuality is what all parents should aspire to . Perhaps if you are on a very tight budget I can understand it a bit more ie spending £20 on one and £70 on the other but when they are both getting what they would like I really can’t see the issue . I will also say that my children are now adults and they can’t see the issue either ( I’ve asked the one that is here ) . If my children , at any age , were looking at the others gifts and trying to calculate if we had spent evenly that will be the year that I’ve failed as a parent .

But if the older child didn't get that, it's also unfair

Parents should never allow their dc 'ask' for presents. This is so crass. You get what you get. That is the point. What next? Them asking for a car? Making the rod for your own back. By all means, set up children's accounts for them and put money there, but to indulge 'lists' and 'asks', this is madness. Obviously, if you get an inkling of what a child wants, you can get it, but to make it so transactional?