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Original poster

4.5 year old won't give up her dummy

115 replies

TaraW20 · 16/12/2024 22:07

We have tried everything.

My DS gave his up very easy but we just can't find anything to help.

Any suggestions?

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teatoast8 · 16/12/2024 22:50

Teat*

CB2611 · 16/12/2024 22:51

We did the "dummy fairy". We did it on a Friday night so that we didn't have school or work the next morning so we weren't too stressed about being up late/disruption to routine.
My DD put her dummies in a little gift bag and hung it on the front door for the dummy fairy to collect and give to the baby fairies. She did this happily and all went well until I was putting her to bed and she realised she was going to sleep with no dummy. She screamed the house down and was so distressed. I left her for a few minutes while I swapped the gift bags over and hung a gift bag on the door with her dummy fairy presents in (also threw the dummies in the outside bin to stop myself from giving in). Then went back to her and said "shall we see if the dummy fairy has been yet?" We looked at her presents and she accepted that the dummies were no longer in the house so there was no point screaming for them any longer. The next day she was over it. She was 3.5. I hope this helps xx

Worf · 16/12/2024 22:52

I'd be very honest and say to her the reasons why the dummy needs to go

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Whatwouldnanado · 16/12/2024 22:55

Take it. You’re the boss remember. Distract with a new creative toy/craft stuff spend time and praise her to the skies for what she goes with it. Don’t have dummies in the house again. Like a lot of things if you don’t start it you don’t have it to stop.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 16/12/2024 22:58

'She won't give it up'?

I think you've made the mistake of thinking this is her decision. It's not, it's yours.

If you're lacking resolve, Christmas seems like the perfect time to do it - you can involve Santa, or some other sort of trade, and she'll be busy/distracted and off school.

Melroses · 16/12/2024 22:59

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Last-Noo-Noo-Jill-Murphy/dp/1406331848
You need The Last Noo Noo!

We were down to one, which we accidentally lost. It was hell for one night, then when it turned up a week later, I threw it away 🥳

The next DC sucked thumbs, but you can't throw them away 🤷‍♀️. They did give up in the end because it just stops being comfortable.

Fireworknight · 16/12/2024 23:00

How is she not giving it up?

LoremIpsumCici · 16/12/2024 23:04

Yourethebeerthief · 16/12/2024 22:13

I don't understand this. It is doing her harm. I say this as a parent of a child who gave his up at 3 so I'm not averse to children holding on to comforts for a while. But she's 4 and a half. It's not difficult to take them away, it's not superglued to the child's mouth.

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What harm is it doing to hold on to a comfort until you are ready to go without? Genuinely curious.

LoremIpsumCici · 16/12/2024 23:06

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 16/12/2024 22:22

It could well be damaging her teeth!

Just take it. Say Santa took it as she's a big girl now and doesn't need it! You will have to go cold turkey (pun absolutely intended!!)

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Kids need orthodontic braces anyway by the time they are 11-13….any dummy will be freely given up by then.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 16/12/2024 23:06

You throw them away....

Are you so weak that you can't nope with a 4yo kicking off for a bit?

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 16/12/2024 23:08

LoremIpsumCici · 16/12/2024 23:06

Kids need orthodontic braces anyway by the time they are 11-13….any dummy will be freely given up by then.

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That's absolute bullshit. Not every child needs braces! None of mine did!

LoremIpsumCici · 16/12/2024 23:09

Stillherestillpraying · 16/12/2024 22:24

Yeah, splayed teeth, poor speech, jaw problems and not to mention excessive dependence on an object designed for infants is doing her no harm at all.

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They will have orthodontic braces so teeth will be perfect.
Any sources for dummy’s at bedtime causing poor speech, jaw problems?
I don’t see any harm in having a comfort item.

Yourethebeerthief · 16/12/2024 23:10

@LoremIpsumCici

You're bloody at it. No harm at all if it's a teddy bear. Loads of harm if it's a dummy. Hope that helps.

LoremIpsumCici · 16/12/2024 23:11

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 16/12/2024 23:08

That's absolute bullshit. Not every child needs braces! None of mine did!

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Ah, well in my social circle all DC get them. If you go by NHS guidelines, only the very worst cases are judged as needing braces so I wouldn’t use that as a measure.

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 16/12/2024 23:15

LoremIpsumCici · 16/12/2024 23:11

Ah, well in my social circle all DC get them. If you go by NHS guidelines, only the very worst cases are judged as needing braces so I wouldn’t use that as a measure.

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"in [your] social circle" - hark at you!!! 😂

"In my social circle" some children needed them and some, like mine, have perfectly straight and well-spaced teeth and didn't need them.

Our dentist wasn't 100% sure about our youngest, so referred him to an orthodontist to be sure. The ortho saw him twice and said his teeth were perfect. Not one of them has a filling and they are all in their 20s.

You and your "social circle" could learn something from me and mine!!! Maybe it's because your "social circle" were too lazy to take the dummy off them and caused the problem??!

I have never regarded braces as a rite of passage rofl!

LoremIpsumCici · 16/12/2024 23:17

Yourethebeerthief · 16/12/2024 23:10

@LoremIpsumCici

You're bloody at it. No harm at all if it's a teddy bear. Loads of harm if it's a dummy. Hope that helps.

At what? I am reading that some parents believe a dummy will harm their child but are simultaneously advising what to me seem to be harmful behaviours of lying to the child, or just taking it away even though this may cause multiple nights of the child crying themselves to sleep.

It doesn’t seem like avoidance of harm to me.

Yourethebeerthief · 16/12/2024 23:20

@LoremIpsumCici

It's not a choice between leaving her to have it and ruining her teeth, or snatching it away cruelly, cutting it up in front of her eyes, and abandoning her to cry on her own.

You're either off your bloody trolley or just trolling, but either way I've had plenty now thanks.

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 16/12/2024 23:22

LoremIpsumCici · 16/12/2024 23:17

At what? I am reading that some parents believe a dummy will harm their child but are simultaneously advising what to me seem to be harmful behaviours of lying to the child, or just taking it away even though this may cause multiple nights of the child crying themselves to sleep.

It doesn’t seem like avoidance of harm to me.

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Are you for real?

Do your kids believe in Santa, in your social circle? If so, you're also lying to them....

"Harmful behaviours" my arse!

I didn't use dummies, odious things. Unfortunately I had 2 thumbsuckers but both of them spontaneously stopped long before they turned 4.

Probably helped with their perfect teeth.

LoremIpsumCici · 16/12/2024 23:22

Maybe it's because your "social circle" were too lazy to take the dummy off them and caused the problem??!

No, it wasn’t dummys as they were well gone by the time any adult teeth started coming in. Not pressuring them meant they did not cling to them. I feel the OP has created a rod for her back by making an issue out of it.

It is more even if dummy’s did make adult teeth crooked as a pp said, then that’s what braces are for.

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 16/12/2024 23:22

Yourethebeerthief · 16/12/2024 23:20

@LoremIpsumCici

It's not a choice between leaving her to have it and ruining her teeth, or snatching it away cruelly, cutting it up in front of her eyes, and abandoning her to cry on her own.

You're either off your bloody trolley or just trolling, but either way I've had plenty now thanks.

Mustn't be any dentists in that "social circle" lmao!!

LoremIpsumCici · 16/12/2024 23:23

Yourethebeerthief · 16/12/2024 23:20

@LoremIpsumCici

It's not a choice between leaving her to have it and ruining her teeth, or snatching it away cruelly, cutting it up in front of her eyes, and abandoning her to cry on her own.

You're either off your bloody trolley or just trolling, but either way I've had plenty now thanks.

I agree that letting her have it would not ruin her teeth.

LoremIpsumCici · 16/12/2024 23:24

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 16/12/2024 23:22

Are you for real?

Do your kids believe in Santa, in your social circle? If so, you're also lying to them....

"Harmful behaviours" my arse!

I didn't use dummies, odious things. Unfortunately I had 2 thumbsuckers but both of them spontaneously stopped long before they turned 4.

Probably helped with their perfect teeth.

Show quote history

Yes I am real. No, we don’t do Santa/Father Christmas

Unfortunately I had 2 thumbsuckers but both of them spontaneously stopped long before they turned 4.

Yes, this is what I am saying. If you leave the child be, they will stop sooner than if you make an issue out of it and pressure them to stop.

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 16/12/2024 23:25

LoremIpsumCici · 16/12/2024 23:22

Maybe it's because your "social circle" were too lazy to take the dummy off them and caused the problem??!

No, it wasn’t dummys as they were well gone by the time any adult teeth started coming in. Not pressuring them meant they did not cling to them. I feel the OP has created a rod for her back by making an issue out of it.

It is more even if dummy’s did make adult teeth crooked as a pp said, then that’s what braces are for.

"by the time any adult teeth started coming in"????

The dummies should have been gone longgggg before then!

Why allow your child prolonged use of a dummy and then put them through having to have braces as a result of your ineffective parenting?

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 16/12/2024 23:26

LoremIpsumCici · 16/12/2024 23:24

Yes I am real. No, we don’t do Santa/Father Christmas

Unfortunately I had 2 thumbsuckers but both of them spontaneously stopped long before they turned 4.

Yes, this is what I am saying. If you leave the child be, they will stop sooner than if you make an issue out of it and pressure them to stop.

Edited
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Well you can hardly throw away a fucking thumb, and I was really concerned that they would keep it up!

I'd lie to my kids 100000 per cent before I would deprive them of Santa and make them wear braces because I couldn't be arsed to take care of their teeth!

LoremIpsumCici · 16/12/2024 23:27

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 16/12/2024 23:25

"by the time any adult teeth started coming in"????

The dummies should have been gone longgggg before then!

Why allow your child prolonged use of a dummy and then put them through having to have braces as a result of your ineffective parenting?

Show quote history

Yes I did say they were well gone before adult teeth came in, that’s synonymous with long before.

As I said, it is unlikely dummy’s would actually affect adult teeth, but in the event they did there are braces. Older children are better emotionally equipped to handle braces than toddlers are equipped to lose a cherished comfort item.