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Did something really mean and now feel terrible

158 replies

Anniebows · 08/12/2024 20:06

I know I did completely the wrong thing here, my DS was given a balloon at a little show, after the show his behaviour was not great, he also wrapped his balloon up in his toy. In a moment of frustration I pulled the balloon string off the bow and let it go, my child was very upset. Ive apologised and explained I was wrong to do this but I still feel really terrible, anyone had a similar experience? Have I scarred him for life

OP posts:
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BertieBotts · 08/12/2024 21:13

Are you trying to do natural consequences/gentle parenting?

This is the kind of thing I would do, when I was trying to follow some impossible ideal and then some incident of behaviour would not be manageable with the fantasy system, to the point that I was seriously losing it and would impulsively do something incredibly childish because it's like I would go "Well I have to do SOMETHING. I have to STOP them!" And then immediately as soon as it had happened I would utterly regret it, realise that I was being a shit parent and wish I could undo it.

What actually helped me not get to that point in the first place was ditching the weird ideal fantasy parenting style, using some kind of system with clearer decided-in-advance consequences (quelle horreur) and having much clearer boundaries which were drawn at a place I could actually handle the child stepping over them, rather than having the boundary drawn RIGHT at the place where when they were over the boundary, it was causing a major problem.

And - my kids tend to get hyped up and overexcited and utterly, overly silly and unreasonable after events like that too - if you have a child who is very sensitive to excitement in that way (plus a long period without food and access to a toilet and if they are tired) then it can be extremely difficult to manage them and you will probably have to put a lot more pre-emptive work in to do that compared with what other parents have to do. I know it's not that uncommon, because I do see other children doing it, though it is definitely not the majority. So again the systems, and pre-empting that kind of thing is really helpful, but nobody hands you a manual when you give birth much less tells you when you happen to have one of the extra-challenging models, so you only tend to find this kind of thing out through experience, and you can only pre-empt things AFTER you've had that experience, and got it wrong a few times.

The thing is everyone screws up sometimes and does something against their parenting principles. As long as you're not doing that all day every day you are really doing fine. If you do notice a pattern forming, then that is more of a sign you're not coping (or what you're doing isn't working) and something needs to change. But it doesn't mean you have traumatised him for life because you did something which would have upset him.

You have apologised to your son so move on from it. Don't stay in guilt about it forever. Use it as a marker of "Right. Not the best response - how could I handle that better another time?"

He probably will be upset about it for a while - that's life. He will be OK. He will probably tease you about it when he's a teenager, if he even remembers Smile

OAPapparently · 08/12/2024 21:16

We all have moments of frustration where we do the wrong thing.
You've shown you are only human. All parents have done silly things they regret.
I still wake up in the middle of the night sometime questioning why I’ve done certain things.
I think I would probably buy them a bigger and better one as compensation. One that is so nice that they forget all about the old one.

happytobee · 08/12/2024 21:18

This thread is getting weirder by the minute Confused
OP the takeaway from this is that your son will be fine, you could get him another balloon if you feel bad but also helium is very important for MRI’s and balloons are very bad for the animals so MN will be cross if you do get another one. Maybe you should tell your son this information so he gets to learn some interesting facts and can educate his friends about balloons and how controversial they are that they have grown women arguing and swearing at each other on the internet Grin

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

SabrinaThwaite · 08/12/2024 21:24

Either (a) it will be forever known as The Balloon Incident or (b) you’ll be the only one who ever remembers it.

I’m guessing option b.

bakewellbride · 08/12/2024 21:26

Sending you a hug op. About a year ago I did something similar. Was absolutely exhausted, on my knees exhausted, and my son was really pushing my buttons and waving a little book he'd made in front of my face. I warned him and warned him, he didn't listen so I'm ashamed to admit I took the book off him, ripped it in half and walked off to cry alone in my room. It was to this day one of my worst days of parenting and I promise you I'm a nice, normal mum who has never done anything remotely like that before or after. I hugged him, apologised profusely and sellotaped the book back together. It was over a year ago now and he's a very happy 6 year old, he tells me all the time how much he loves me and is not scarred by what happened, probably can't even remember. Sending you love op. All you can do is try to make it up to your child, learn from what happened and move on xx Flowers

Rowen32 · 08/12/2024 21:27

Anniebows · 08/12/2024 20:14

I never knew this, they should publicise this more, apologies!

.

StrikeForever · 08/12/2024 21:29

Combattingthemoaners · 08/12/2024 20:10

I mean, is there any need when she’s already feeling pretty terrible??

Yes there is. Balloons are lethal to animals and birds. They are not little happy things and it’s time people stopped using them!

Nolegusta · 08/12/2024 21:30

Rowen32 · 08/12/2024 21:27

.

Edited

We can see the edit. 🫣

Justleaveitblankthen · 08/12/2024 21:30

Anniebows · 08/12/2024 20:14

I never knew this, they should publicise this more, apologies!

Yes they should.
Don't want to derail your thread OP, but it infuriates me when nobody can bloody die these days without 200 locals letting off balloons for local news fodder 😡

StrikeForever · 08/12/2024 21:32

Spacedoody · 08/12/2024 20:22

I've honestly never laughed so hard at a Mumsnet post 😂 👍🏻 Christ almighty, read the room.

Sick sense of humour you have there

Snugglemonkey · 08/12/2024 21:34

Spacedoody · 08/12/2024 20:22

I've honestly never laughed so hard at a Mumsnet post 😂 👍🏻 Christ almighty, read the room.

I think you need to. I have just read several posters being grateful for the information or agreeing. It's not a laughing matter.

StarDolphins · 08/12/2024 21:35

Spacedoody · 08/12/2024 20:22

I've honestly never laughed so hard at a Mumsnet post 😂 👍🏻 Christ almighty, read the room.

Read the room? The room is pretty much agreeing that just letting a balloon go is damaging to wildlife. I’m embarrassed for you.

Canestenpeasant · 08/12/2024 21:35

As a mother of a former clown who, following an incident, is now terrified by balloons I find it hard to think that someone would make this decision deliberately. Think of the bloody former clowns.

bakewellbride · 08/12/2024 21:36

@Spacedoody I know, it's ridiculous! All the people upset about balloons should perhaps just start their own thread.

WatchOutForBabyHaggis · 08/12/2024 21:43

Christ.

Op just wanted a bit of solidarity for a one off parenting fail.

Turns out she's a serial killer, carelessly murdering balloon-eating farm animals and humans, what with using up all the helium 😶

Spacedoody · 08/12/2024 21:43

bakewellbride · 08/12/2024 21:36

@Spacedoody I know, it's ridiculous! All the people upset about balloons should perhaps just start their own thread.

Posters on Mumsnet never see how ridiculously high and mighty they come across. It's hardly headline news that balloons aren't good for the environment. People just can't help themselves sticking the boot in and going completely off topic.

As for the people tagging me, as if I give a flying fuck what a handful of randoms think😂

bakewellbride · 08/12/2024 21:47

@Spacedoody exactly. I bet they eat meat too and that's hardly a picnic for the animals is it?! The hypocrisy. Billions and billions of animals get abused and killed for humans every year but if it makes them feel better to get upset by the 0.000000000000001% of this that's caused by balloons and then pile on to the op about it then that's their issue i guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

Rowen32 · 08/12/2024 21:49

Nolegusta · 08/12/2024 21:30

We can see the edit. 🫣

😂 I was trying to be nice but I hate balloon pollution

Bucket07 · 08/12/2024 21:56

Coldheart3 · 08/12/2024 20:59

We all do silly things out of frustration, doesn't mean you're a bad mum. Once my son wanted an apple pie from McDonald's but his behaviour was so atrocious on the way home that I ate it instead 🙈. Not my finest moment but you live and learn!

😂😂😂 one of the best posts I've ever read on Mumsnet

Peejays · 08/12/2024 21:58

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request

WalterdelaMare · 08/12/2024 21:59

Wow. If you’re for real, that’s a horrible and spiteful thing to do and even more infuriating, so dangerous to wildlife. Apologise profusely and replace it.

janeavrilavril · 08/12/2024 22:03

I'd just go away from this thread now OP. I used to tell my young fella if he didn't stop whinging, I'd pull the popper out his belly button and let him blow away in the wind. Never had a public tantrum and all wildlife were conserved, try that next time.

oustedbymymate · 08/12/2024 22:03

Only on mumsnet would you get such vast and mental replies

Allihavetodoisdream · 08/12/2024 22:04

This is properly unhinged, well done everyone. Truly a work of art.

Balloonhearts · 08/12/2024 22:07

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