What's the best piece of parenting advice you've ever ignored and why?

[LunaDream0]

Question from a new mother.

bath your baby just before your about to go to bed (half hour before) still do the same and my kids are now 6/7

When my DD was at school and still wetting the bed at night, I did the opposite of what my HV told me, and it solved the problem. She told me not to restrict fluids in the evening and not to ‘lift’ her when I went to bed. So DD had her last drink with her evening meal, unless she asked for a drink, and I woke her and walked her to and from the loo when I went to bed. She instantly became dry at night.

I didn't force my child with selective mutism to saying please or thank you or talk to strangers. Apparently I was encouraging her to be spoilt and rude.

But no, I've now got a teenager who is complimented on her manners.

I didn’t stop breastfeeding when people around me where saying it was time to or that baby would sleep better on formula.

Breastfeeding has been so great for us.

I was told not to co sleep as I’d make a rod for my own back and make her clingy forever. I had a happy baby who could feed at will and we both got rest. As she grew up she’s had no issue sleeping in her own room and is a delightful and independent teenager.

my health visitor told me to wake my child up during the night to feed her.

absolute madness!

if she had been severely underweight I might of done , but who on earth would wake a sleeping baby in the night to feed them ??

my mum said she was just jealous because her kids didn’t sleep through 😂😂😆

I didn't breastfeed. Breast was not best for me.

To always say no to unreasonable/bonkers requests
We had a lot of fun 😂

No TV before nursery or school.
I’m not a morning person, I need some peace with a coffee

Use a playpen to pop the baby in when you need to do housework etc. Sounds good in theory but my DC hated the playpen and would rather be with me.

Ditto on not breastfeeding. Didn't work for me. Taught my babies how to hold bottle early (although they were never unsupervised) which was a game changer.

Swear by sleep training. It's a constant battle and you will have odd sleepless night / some broken sleep still as they grow but in the long run everyone is much more rested.

Routine routine routine. Keeps your sanity.

Kids pick up on anxiety so try and be calm and confident around the kids as much as possible. This also helps them see who is boss.

When your overwhelmed go into the bubble. Tune out crying, minimal talking, low eye contact. Just get what needs to be done, done. Then take some time if possible for yourself to rest.

The fretting about primary school education. Went to a rubbish primary (village school) myself and many of my cohort got to Oxbridge. Once your teens start gcse when it really does matter made me look back and cringe for the crazy primary mums who got upset over book bands.

‘Sleep when the baby sleeps’. I didn’t want to sleep, I wanted to do something that made me feel human so I took a bath, ate a meal, read a book, anything that made me feel real. Sometimes I slept, but certainly at first so many people rolled out the sleeping line that I felt horribly guilty. I was tired, but would have been anyway, and at least this way I didn’t feel like screaming.

I say no all the fucking time.

Sleep training may have worked for you. But I would never promote it. Studies have shown it can negatively impact healthy development and can cause significant issues around attachment and anxiety, as children, and later when they are adults.

What studies?

We never had stair gates. Once they could crawl, we taught them how to go down safely (turn around, feet first) - my DP would get down on all fours to demonstrate! They picked it up quickly. Then I just had to make sure I was always close by when they were on the stairs. It sounds arduous now, but I don't remember finding it hard at all. (unlike the playpen, which DS hated but I had to use so I could cook, difficult with him howling away in the background)

We also got them drinking from a small open cup very young, not a sippy cup, so they were used to it.

Plenty of them. It’s why the NHS strongly advises against doing it.

Mine sounds quite rude but honestly a game changer.
Unless you think something sounds great, ignore advice from well meaning family/friends.

Myself and most other new mums instinctively knew our babes and got them into little routines or had ways that worked for us and then a well meaning person will say “oh you shouldn’t do that” followed by some old wives tale of why it’s wrong.
Unless you’re doing something dangerous like laying your baby face down to sleep with a duvet or leaving them alone in the bath, trust your gut instinct.

The amount of things I listened to with my first from aunts/MiLs etc that fucked up our routines because of absolute bollocks old wives tales really messed up my DCs routine.

3 DC later and I realise every baby is completely different and as a mum I know what will work for my baby.

phrases I suggest you switch off when people start using them -

rod for your own back
you’re spoiling that baby
never hurt my kids
they did this back in my day and no harm was done
they’ll never sleep if you do that

and anything of that ilk.

NHS guidelines for safety are great but your nosey neighbour Barbara with 10 grandkids doesn’t know your baby so don’t listen to her endless unsolicited advice.

I think asking mumsnet is genius though, plenty of opinions, nobody offended if you don’t take their advice, diverse pool of people to ask. Ideal.

Let them cry it out.

No way! They're crying for a reason and babies don't need to learn to "self soothe."

I am in the 'sleep when your baby sleeps'. Having a newborn is exhausting. Lie down and sleep. It was always my favourite time because I needed the rest too. Mine are grown now but I'm so glad I did it. Look after yourself x

Have more kids. No chance.

I agree with this! In the very first few weeks I probably did nap a bit with the baby, but beyond that it was a time to recover from feeling touched out and do things that made me feel like a human being again. I often used to catch up on calls/emails/messages as it helped me feel connected to friends and family when I was on mat leave.

I didn't go cold turkey with potty training. We did one week of pants at home and pull-ups when out and about. That gave him the confidence to get the hang of it in the comfort of his own home. Then we went to pants all the time the next week and he's never had a single accident since.

That's me now. My ds is 13 months and mum keeps telling me I should be stopping and my MIL would be disgusted if she knew I was still doing it! Feel so much pressure to stop but he's happy and I'm happy so I don't see what the issue is.

I challenge you to cite one study.